He got a whole BBC segment about it, too! Set to Madness! You must be so proud of him. (Via Geekologie.)

“It is better,” said an onlooker. “Right. I mean. The thought of someone abandoning their baby in a dumpster is just horrible. It’s crazy how often you hear things like that on the news — sometimes I feel like they should call it the bad news, hah,” said another. “Yeah, seriously, the thought of that makes me absolutely sick. We’re really lucky that when they checked the dumpster there wasn’t an abandoned baby in there. Humanity was really lucky that there wasn’t.” “Yeah. I am grateful. That would just be so heartbreaking. I don’t know that I could stand something like that. Like, I’m not sure how policemen and fireman or whoever deal with heartbreaking things like that. I guess you have to adjust internally to think that the good you’re doing makes the pain worth it, but jeeze. You’d have to be a strong person.” “Yeah. So. We’re lucky.” “Right. We’re lucky. And the baby that it could have been is lucky.” “Yeah. Phew.” “Thank god.” “Thank god.” — “A FUCKING BAG OF SNAKES, THOUGH?!” “SERIOUSLY, DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK!” [Scene.]

FACT: Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, and Larry David were all recently seen together at Tom’s Restaurant in New York City. FACT: During Jerry Seinfeld’s reddit AMA that took place at the beginning of the month, he said, “[He and Larry David] wrote this script for this thing that you will eventually see but I can’t reveal what it is at this time. All I can do is tell you is that it’s big, huge, gigantic. Even bigger than that Amazon package.” QUESTION: What is “that Amazon package”? FACT: Jk don’t tell me. FACT: Jerry Seinfeld said something else this morning on some radio show, and you can read about it in this quote from Variety:

  • The men of Full House appeared on Late Night last night to comfort a nervous Jimmy Fallon and promote, I guess, their Super Bowl ad for yogurt? Very weird world we’re living in! -LateNight
  • Stevie Nicks made her second appearance on American Horror Story: Coven last night, playing her song “Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You?” and Fleetwood Mac’s “Rhiannon.” Watch the clips, if you’re not afraid of getting CURSED! (?) -Stereogum
  • Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan will work together again when Hanks produces her directorial debut, Ithaca, which is an adaptation of William Saroyan’s The Human Comedy. -THR
  • Looking good, John Malkovich! -Dlisted
  • Louie C.K. talked about his dislike of the movie Gravity on The Opie And Anthony Show and it was very good. Very good dislike of that movie. -Uproxx
  • Chuck Palahniuk‘s comic book sequel to Fight Club is moving ahead and continues right after the first ends, beginning with Tyler Durden popping his head in the door and saying, “Just kidding!” (Part of that is true.) (The very first part.) -/Film

The question that was on every kid’s fruit punch-tinted, cold weather-chapped lips ahead of the announcement of this year’s Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards host was, of course, “How is the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice committee ever going to top last year’s spot-on host: heartthrob and role model Josh Duhamel?” That’s part of the beauty and heartbreak that comes with being a kid. You’re free to intensely and blindly enjoy certain moments, without having the foresight to understand that NEXT YEAR’S HOST OF THE KIDS’ CHOICE AWARDS WILL BE EVEN BETTER AND MORE APPROPRIATE! From the Hollywood Reporter:

“We are thrilled to welcome a superstar like Mark Wahlberg as he takes the helm as our master of ceremonies at the biggest kid event of the year,” said Russell Hicks, Nickelodeon’s president of content development and production. “We can’t wait for him to host and have lots of slime-filled fun with Hollywood’s biggest stars and our audience.”

Mr. Hicks continued, “From the moment he cut off the dog’s head in Fear, through his work as porn star Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights, all the way to his recent portrayal of Marcus Luttrell and the failed Operation Red Wings mission in Lone Survivor, children have enjoyed watching Mark Wahlberg work and his career progress. They are very happy with both his acting and producing credits as of late. Kids think he’s really doing a tremendous job and, if they can be candid, they cannot wait for the Entourage movie.” Oh, kids. I’m too old to really get you, but I do enjoy your unbridled excitement! #slimemarkwahlberg

Listen, hah, okay — this is funny. I know what this looks like. Yes, my entire head is in what you have to admit is a very large lunch bag for a tiny baby. (Just as an aside, and feel free to not answer because I know this is none of my Dog Business, but where does your baby go that he needs such a large lunch bag? What are you feeding him? ANOTHER baby?) I know what you’re thinking, “This dog’s entire head is stuck in the lunch bag because he was trying to eat the lunch and now we’ve caught him.” Well, it’s actually a funny story, because I was just — right before you got here — investigating what I thought was an intruder who was working from inside of the lunch bag. Hah! Protecting you, you know? I’m not looking for thanks, I’m just doing my job as your loyal and loving dog, but I thought we should maybe just clear this up. Totally not a big deal, I mean, I know what it looked like. My head in the bag and everything. But. So. Anyway, the intruder did eat all of the lunch, unfortunately. (Via TastefullyOffensive.)

How was your day today? Are you still reeling from when Barack Obama said Mad Men during the State of the Union last night? That guy should have just gone up there and said the names of a few television shows, then said a few first names (“Kelly [pause] Brian [pause] Jessica [pause] Jordan [pause]“), and gotten off the stage! Could you imagine if he said your favorite television show and THEN said your name? What a hit that speech would’ve been! Anyway, how else are you? Sleepy? Happy? Bad? Good? Looking forward to another episode of Broad City on Comedy Central tonight? Looking forward to starting True Detective, which for whatever reason you haven’t yet started watching? Whatever you’re feeling, you are in no way feeling anywhere near as alive as Happiness Master Leonardo DiCaprio felt on the red carpet at the Tokyo premiere of Wolf Of Wall Street. “CHEEEEEESE!” Hahah. I know nobody has their mouth open in the picture, but I do think that that is what Leonardo DiCaprio was thinking. “CHEEEEESE!” Enough about him, though. What are you thinking? HOW WAS YOUR DAY? (Image via BuzzFeed.)

  • The Great Showdowns: Magnolia. -GreatShowdowns
  • It’s been a little while since we’ve gotten any news on the Entourage movie, and believe me, we HAVE been looking for it, but the streak is over! Billy Bob Thornton is going to be in it! Oh! -THR
  • Edgar Wright talked to David Chen over at /Film about the art of close-ups. Are you ready for your art of close-ups, Mr. or Ms. You? Ahaha. Ahhh. Watch it if you are! -/Film
  • Ugh, finally they released what Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy Halloween costumes are going to look like. Take it easy on the suspense next time! -FilmDrunk
  • How many times have the Oscars gotten best picture wrong in the last 20 years? I don’t know, you tell me! Oh, they do! -Pajiba
  • I know this isn’t really our territory, but I think we can made an exception: the Red Hot Chili Peppers released a new song today and it is really something special! (Note: Not sure why some are saying it is a parody? That seems very rude!)  -RHCP