How do you do it, man? How do you position yourself to be born into the life where you not only get to be a dog with no knowledge of your own Internet presence or even the presence of the Internet, which is only either frustrating or boring right now, depending on where you look, but also the kind of dog who gets fed treats IN HIS SLEEP? You’re really doing it, buddy. Jealous is forever fan jealous of you. (Via SayOMG.)
Do you like television, I mean, traveling? Do you love to pack up your laptop — I mean, suitcase — and fill it with battery life — argh, I mean, fill it with clothing — and take it with you because you have the password for your parents’ HBO Go so you can pretty much watch your shows anywhere as long as you have wifi, uggh, sorry, I mean: you have a great wanderlust and the desire to see the world beyond your window? Would you like to step out of your comfort zone and explore the world that your favorite fictional characters walk through during scenes, I mean — ahh — the world that real people did real things on for sooooo many years? Do you like Game of Thrones, I MEAN, DO YOU LIKE GREEN?! Well, you should visit Ireland! From the BBC:
- Sherlock season three photos, you guys. -TV
- Hey, there’s a bonus episode of Comedy Bang Bang — the AV Club’s best podcast of 2013 — up today, featuring Mike Birbiglia, Brendon Small, and Jon Gabrus. What a treat! -Earwolf
- “In 15 years Clooney has not gone for a walk in New York’s Central Park, despite wanting to, and is still surprised by his success.” I’m crying! -Dlisted
- Steve Carell’s original audition tape for Anchorman has been released in anticipation of Anchorman: The Legend Continues, and it is weird like audition tapes always are, but also it is great no duh. -FilmDrunk
- /FIlm has put together five reasons why Spike Lee’s Oldboy is worse than Park Chan-wook’s Oldboy (which is available on Netflix!) and I haven’t looked at the list yet but I am HOPING that they are all YouTube videos of fart noises. Not to say anything negative about the Spike Lee version myself — I haven’t seen it — but I think that would be a pretty good list! -/Film
If we are all allowed to have the exact wedding ceremony that we want, which, based on this video of the wedding ceremony of Adam Bohn — the CEO of Artix Entertainment and creator of AdventureQuest Worlds — that features ten minutes of different villains fighting him for his wife’s hand in marriage while he and his groomsmen wear armor over their tuxedos, seems to be at least a possibility for some, this is the one that I want: my future husband and I eat a nice dinner alone with nobody except for the other strangers at the restaurant, we tell each other we do, and then go on a month-long honeymoon. It all counts as the ceremony. Then we go on another honeymoon for the honeymoon. Does that make sense? So it’s dinner + honeymoon, and then a honeymoon. We don’t have to talk to anybody but they can still send gifts if they want to, and we will send them a thank you note with a photo of us in our dinner outfits (wedding dress and tuxedo). IF WE ALL CAN GET EXACTLY WHATEVER WEIRD SHIT WE WANT AND EVERYONE ELSE JUST HAS TO DEAL WITH IT, THAT IS WHAT I WANT! THIS IS THE PRECEDENT YOU HAVE SET, ADAM BOHN!
You cannot turn down Tumblr’s most reblogged actor of 2013 in his request to help break through your morning fog with a recitation of R. Kelly’s “Genius” from last night’s episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Tumblr’s second most reblogged actor of 2013? Sure. But the first?!
How was your day? I hope it was fine, but even if it wasn’t, you know, tomorrow’s a new day. Right? There is always a tomorrow, unless you die today. Hopefully you can leave work or school, go home, relax a little bit, and prepare to make your tomorrow a little better. Unless you know TOMORROW is going to be your bad day. Then you’re out of luck! Only bad things up ahead, I’m sorry. I wish I could give you a Click remote so you could fast forward until the rough stuff was over, but they aren’t on the market (yet). You can at least take solace in the fact that you are not Jennifer Lawrence, who, I guess, is on the precipice of a backlash? Or something? I don’t know, I try to stay out of everything related to anything these days because WHO HAS THE ENERGY/IMMORTALITY, but I guess Vulture wrote a piece about how Jennifer Lawrence is possibly not all she seems to be, and then something about Twitter and her winning Best Supporting Actress at the New York Film Critics Circle, and blogs are predicting that this is the beginning of the backlash, and what I have to say to all of that is: relax. Why would there be a backlash? She is fine and also she is good at her job. Even if the way she portrays herself to the media is false — well, who cares? It doesn’t matter to us! We don’t know her! She could be a goblin wearing a human suit, but as long as she is still a talented actress who seems nice and charming and isn’t luring us into a false sense of security while she sends in her goblin army to murder us, I think it’s fine? Everything is fine. Worry about yourself. I know it feels like we all need something to talk about all the time, but it’s also fine if we sometimes just relax. Relax. Everyone relax. Relax and tell me how your day was!
- One time while driving, years ago, I spotted someone with the vanity plate “TWITTER.” My friends and I couldn’t get a picture of it because it was nighttime. The end. (PS: Here is another pretty good vanity plate.) -FilmDrunk
- Speaking of that great story, here’s this: “Learn to Become a Phenomenal Storyteller with Pixar’s 22 Writing Rules.” (#1. Make part of it kind of sad. #2. Make it cute., etc.) -Lifehacker
- This is just good footage of the Dead Kennedys recording in 1981. I know it’s not usually the kind of thing we talk about, but it’s the holidays, so. -DangerousMinds
- House of Cards has a return date, y’all, and it’s two days before my birthday! Or: Valentine’s Day! Whichever description of the date is more relevant to you! -Deadline
- Speaking of dates (does Pixar have any lessons on segues because I DON’T NEED THOSE EITHER), the Veronica Mars movie has a release one! A release date! -/Film
- Here are some movie scenes that you never knew were improvised, unless you did know, in which case I apologize for assuming otherwise. -DeathAndTaxes
DO NOT LET THIS DRIVER FOOL YOU. ICE CANNOT BE TAMED. BE CAREFUL. STAY OFF THE ROADS. DIG A HOLE IN YOUR BEDROOM FLOOR, FILL IT WITH BLANKETS, AND STAY THERE UNTIL JUNE! (Via ViralViral.)