- One time while driving, years ago, I spotted someone with the vanity plate “TWITTER.” My friends and I couldn’t get a picture of it because it was nighttime. The end. (PS: Here is another pretty good vanity plate.) -FilmDrunk
- Speaking of that great story, here’s this: “Learn to Become a Phenomenal Storyteller with Pixar’s 22 Writing Rules.” (#1. Make part of it kind of sad. #2. Make it cute., etc.) -Lifehacker
- This is just good footage of the Dead Kennedys recording in 1981. I know it’s not usually the kind of thing we talk about, but it’s the holidays, so. -DangerousMinds
- House of Cards has a return date, y’all, and it’s two days before my birthday! Or: Valentine’s Day! Whichever description of the date is more relevant to you! -Deadline
- Speaking of dates (does Pixar have any lessons on segues because I DON’T NEED THOSE EITHER), the Veronica Mars movie has a release one! A release date! -/Film
- Here are some movie scenes that you never knew were improvised, unless you did know, in which case I apologize for assuming otherwise. -DeathAndTaxes
DO NOT LET THIS DRIVER FOOL YOU. ICE CANNOT BE TAMED. BE CAREFUL. STAY OFF THE ROADS. DIG A HOLE IN YOUR BEDROOM FLOOR, FILL IT WITH BLANKETS, AND STAY THERE UNTIL JUNE! (Via ViralViral.)
Listen, these days we all spend a little too much time hunched over in front of a computer. Checking Twitter, hate-reading blogs, love-reading blogs, checking Twitter again, going to Facebook, checking Twitter, checking Twitter because you accidentally typed tw when you meant to type something else, forgetting what you were just going to look up, reloading Twitter, looking at the menu for that restaurant, hate-looking at someone’s Instagram who you don’t follow because you hate them but you still want to see what they’re up to, and so on. We’re wasting our lives, but that doesn’t mean we have to waste our postures! Check out these five easy steps to a healthier you:
1. Lie supine on the floor, relaxed, with your arms and legs spread apart. Breathe deeply in this position and gather strength.
2. Bring your legs to your chest, roll to your side, and push your body up with your arms. (Just figure out how to do it.) Come to a standing position.
3. Walk slowly and deliberately to the drawer where you keep your hammer. Grab it and hold it above your head.
4. Walk slowly and deliberately to your computer and hit it with the hammer until it is very broken.
5. Throw the remains out the window and don’t buy a new one.
EASY PEASY! This guy also has a thing you can do:
Today’s list contains a Christmas-themed animal video, which might seem like jumping the gun a little bit, but as you all know We Only Life Once, and what if we die tomorrow? If we die tomorrow, will we be glad that we waited until the appropriate week (the week before Christmas, let’s say) to watch the Christmas-themed pug video? “Oh thank goodness,” will we think, “that I didn’t ruin my final full day on this Earth enjoying something that was meant to be enjoyed about two weeks or so later”? “The thing I loved most about my life was my useless restraint”? I WOULD HOPE NOT! So let’s enjoy it along with the rest of these wonderful vids, and LIVE OUR LIVES! ALSO: TURN UP THE HEAT A LITTLE IF YOU’RE COLD, YOU DESERVE IT! I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE AT WORK AND YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT, TELL YOUR BOSS TO SHOVE IT, LET’S GOOOO!
- Gillian Anderson wearing an eel to raise awareness for overfishing. AHHHHHH! -Dlisted
- Benedict Cumberbatch is Tumblr’s most reblogged actor of 2013. What a
n honorsomething! -Tumblr
- A Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark television show might be coming to CBS, from Saw writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan. GOOD! -Deadline
- Paul Rudd is hosting this weekend’s Saturday Night Live, with musical guest One Direction, and you can watch the promos now. If you’d like to. As always, there is no pressure! -NBC
- Last night’s Jeopardy contained a question about the pronunciation of the file format GIF (pronounced how it’s spelled [gif], no matter what any lunatic tells you) and everyone got it right no duh becuase it is 2013 and why was this a question? -Vulture
This commercial for Autoway Tires, a Japanese tire retailer, is being passed around the Internet as the “scariest commercial ever,” which I guess it is, but only because it doesn’t have a lot of competition. (Actually, I’m going to take that back immediately — whatever commercials are the ones where people are having a normal conversation in a car, and then they get into a car accident? Those are the scariest commercials. Man oh man. But, in terms of “horror movie” type of scary, sure, this is the scariest commercial.) I can name one other “scary” commercial, and that is the Rob Zombie-directed Woolite commercial, and that one wasn’t even THAT scary! Which brings me to my question: why aren’t there more scary commercials? Because babies? Listen, if we pulled every great advertising idea “because babies” we’d hardly be able to sell anything, so I refuse to accept that answer. If you want to grab someone’s attention, ya gotta scare ‘em! Have a vampire drink your competitor’s spaghetti sauce, implying that they make it with blood! Have a ghost pop out of a toaster and then say buy Pop Tarts, not ghosts! Throw toilet paper at a monster! LET THIS COMMERCIAL BE THE BEGINNING!
IS THERE ANYTHING BETTER THAN THIS? I can’t believe I’ve lived my whole life so far without, every year, looking forward to sports team holiday videos. What a dummy. I feel like a professional baller would if he missed a gimme two-point blast straight to the hoop! Or, to make it more relevant to the current video: I feel like a professional junior hockey player would if he did a whoopsie slip and landed square in the other team’s score gate. These things are great, is what I’m saying! (Previously.) (Via Metafilter.)
I don’t know what this is from or why James Franco is with a puppy, but I do know that it looks like it was cold outside, that James Franco must have been wearing more layers than he’d like you to believe, that he did not want to get caught by the cameraman who caught him, that he was attempting to use the dog for warmth, and that that dog was thinking some thoughts about it! But what were the thoughts that the dog was thinking? THAT’S WHAT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!