Next Thursday, let’s all gather around the fireplace (it’s the holidays, so please feel free to refer to your computer as “the fireplace”), and talk about the movie Die Hard! Which we will have watched alone, in advance! And which I have actually never seen! Sounds perfect. I hope there’s dancing!
I cannot believe how many people I know watched the live Sound of Music last night on NBC. I even watched it! Some of it! Carrie Underwood — a little bit better than Julie Andrews? I know you don’t need to hear another critic say it, but as far as I’m concerned, everyone should be forced to throw their old copies of The Sound of Music into the garbage, buy the NBC live DVD version of the stage musical, AND NEVER REFER TO THAT OLD TRASH AGAIN! (Just kidding, Carrie Underwood was bad!) But, even though Carrie Underwood’s Maria was a treat (it wasn’t a treat) it meant that there was no Parks and Recreation, no 30 Rock, no Community, and no The Office. (Haha, remember when that was the lineup?) (AND WE STILL COMPLAINED?) But that’s fine. FOX is Must-See NBC now, and there were still some shows on there! The Mindy Project was one of them! We found Mindy planning a gluten- and alcohol-free office party for everyone in their building, in order to lure Cliff into a sex trap, and the British doctor isn’t fat for no reason anymore, which is nice, and also Maria Menounos. The Mindy Project still runs into some of the problems it had in the first season — mainly that it seems to always be stumbling, never quite sure of what it is or what it wants to be — but I think the supporting cast has grown into itself well enough that the stumbling doesn’t distract too much. It has come to be a very funny show! Lots of laughing out loud! And Danny Castellano’s Aaliyah dance? Give me a break. Very weird, very good, I like it, marry me Danny Castellano. NEXT: Brooklyn Nine-Nine! Chelsea Peretti is VERY GOOD ON THIS TELEVISION SHOW! “Did you make the cover of ‘Hair-Pulled-Back Magazine?’” is just the funnniest. The dynamic shifting (if it does shift) between Boyle and Diaz might help to freshen up what already seems like, even though the show itself is new, a fairly worn-in group dynamic, but we’ll have to wait and see. Young Holt was very enjoyable. Very good show, I like it, the end. Comedy Bang Bang and Bob’s Burgers continue to be perfect. WHAT DID YOU THINK?
This is less for the bubbles, more for the fun banter. I love Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan as much as the next casual viewer of Live! With Kelly and Michael (who loves them very much), but is it too late to get these guys in there? They can bring the bubbles, I don’t care. They can do regular outdoor segments, film it in Manitoba, whatever it takes to get them in a studio. Someone get Gelman on the phone! (Via reddit.)
Obviously, this movie is insane. The plot is that Melissa Joan Hart kidnaps Mario Lopez at gunpoint on Christmas Eve and Stockholm Syndromes him into breaking off his current engagement and being with her instead. It’s absolutely nuts. But one thing I realized upon reading its Netflix description (“When her boyfriend dumps her just before the holidays, aspiring artist Trudie desperately kidnaps a handsome stranger named David. Intending to present him as her new boyfriend at Christmas, she finds instead a genuine bond forming with her victim.”) is that the plot is more or less the same as the plot of one of my favorite movies of all time: Buffalo ’66. (Netflix description for comparison: “Writer-director Vincent Gallo stars as Billy Brown, who — fresh from a five-year stint in jail — heads home to Buffalo, N.Y., to visit his kin. Eager to impress his insouciant parents, Billy kidnaps buxom Layla and makes her pose as his wife.”) The descriptions don’t really even do the comparison justice, actually, now that I’m looking at them! Let’s just say that they’re basically the same movie, except this one happens at Christmas. And in this one the parents are more opposite-of-insouciant than insouciant. And Melissa Joan Heart is in jail at the end of this one, rather than at the beginning. And Kevin Corrigan isn’t in this one (though he should have been). And the soundtrack contains a fair amount less prog rock. (Also this one is lightly racist and homophobic.) Still, it’s hard to say why Vincent Gallo made his version when all he had to do was wait ten years for the REAL version to come out? Know when to fold ‘em, my man! Sit back and take it easy, it’s Holiday in Handcuffs time!
- Home Alone retold by pug puppies. Welcome to on-line. -FilmDrunk
- The library of congress has reported that 75% of all silent films are lost forever, but maybe they’re just not looking hard enough? They can be pretty quiet and good at hiding ahhahh oh god it has been a long day! -DeathAndTaxes
- Hey, Chris Elliott is going to guest star on Community! Man, these days it seems like it would be easier to list who ISN’T going to guest star on Community, right? Or no? Which one? -TVLine
- People think that The Onion’s report on NYPD’s “Stop and Kiss” program is actually real, no duh. -Splitsider
- Vulture did a post on where the cast of Gilmore Girls is now and the answer is not “ON NETFLIX INSTANT,” as it should be, but you still might want to look at it anyway! -Vulture
How do you do it, man? How do you position yourself to be born into the life where you not only get to be a dog with no knowledge of your own Internet presence or even the presence of the Internet, which is only either frustrating or boring right now, depending on where you look, but also the kind of dog who gets fed treats IN HIS SLEEP? You’re really doing it, buddy. Jealous is forever fan jealous of you. (Via SayOMG.)
Do you like television, I mean, traveling? Do you love to pack up your laptop — I mean, suitcase — and fill it with battery life — argh, I mean, fill it with clothing — and take it with you because you have the password for your parents’ HBO Go so you can pretty much watch your shows anywhere as long as you have wifi, uggh, sorry, I mean: you have a great wanderlust and the desire to see the world beyond your window? Would you like to step out of your comfort zone and explore the world that your favorite fictional characters walk through during scenes, I mean — ahh — the world that real people did real things on for sooooo many years? Do you like Game of Thrones, I MEAN, DO YOU LIKE GREEN?! Well, you should visit Ireland! From the BBC:
- Sherlock season three photos, you guys. -TV
- Hey, there’s a bonus episode of Comedy Bang Bang — the AV Club’s best podcast of 2013 — up today, featuring Mike Birbiglia, Brendon Small, and Jon Gabrus. What a treat! -Earwolf
- “In 15 years Clooney has not gone for a walk in New York’s Central Park, despite wanting to, and is still surprised by his success.” I’m crying! -Dlisted
- Steve Carell’s original audition tape for Anchorman has been released in anticipation of Anchorman: The Legend Continues, and it is weird like audition tapes always are, but also it is great no duh. -FilmDrunk
- /FIlm has put together five reasons why Spike Lee’s Oldboy is worse than Park Chan-wook’s Oldboy (which is available on Netflix!) and I haven’t looked at the list yet but I am HOPING that they are all YouTube videos of fart noises. Not to say anything negative about the Spike Lee version myself — I haven’t seen it — but I think that would be a pretty good list! -/Film