You — Daniel Day-Lewis’s wife Rebecca Miller — wake up naturally in a tastefully decorated bedroom awash with sunlight. The bed you’re sleeping in seems like it’s from a fancy hotel. Your hair looks perfect. You slip on your slippers and head to the bathroom to put some expensive moisturizer on your face and décolletage, and some expensive moisturizer on your arms. It smells better than most things normal people will ever smell in their lifetime. You descend the staircase, heading towards one of two kitchens. As you approach you see a hunched figure at the table — “Daniel?” you call out. “WHAT’S THAT?!” he shouts. “WHAT’S THAT YOU SAY? “Oh right, so you’re being Daniel Pl–” CALL ME MR. PLAINVIEW! I! DRANK! YOUR! COFFEEEEEE!” And scene. From the Daily Mail:

Yet while many would find life as the wife of such an intense ‘method actor’ a challenge, novelist Miss Miller sees the benefits in such a schizophrenic environment, saying it has enhanced her writing. …

Miss Miller, 50, the daughter of playwright Arthur Miller, admits she has become accustomed to living with her husband’s film personas.
‘All his characters are wonderful to live with, in their own way,’ she says, adding wryly: ‘My favourite was Abe .  .  . because he filmed away from home, and I didn’t have to live with him.’

He has confessed: ‘[Their children] did go a little bit crazy living with Plainview all the time, but the kids thought it was a laugh in the end to have this different bloke as their dad. My wife is amazingly tolerant. She just believes, like I do, that if you are attempting anything of a creative nature, no rules apply.’

Ugh, can you imagine? Marrying Daniel Day-Lewis is one thing — you chose it, and also he is often handsome — but having him AS A FATHER? “Let me take you to practice today, my boy!” – Daniel Plainview voice. “Come here…we have to talk about…your…cell phone minutes. Let me tell you a story about a boy who went over his cell phone minutes…” – Lincoln voice. Nightmare. All the fancy moisturizers would be nice, though.

Comments (25)
  1. God forbid they go out for ice cream and one of them doesn’t finish theirs.

  2. “I’m a chicken Marge”
    “…I know.”

  3. “Yeah, honey, love to do the housework, but y’know. Only got the one good foot.”

  4. “Hey, where did everybody go?”

  5. “You kids better start getting along, because a house divided cannot stand”

  6. “I understand why you’re upset, but I have to start sleeping with this young, unstable religious fanatic. I’m sure it will all work out fine.”

  7. “Tonight we’re gonna’ party like it’s 1999.”

  8. “Prime Minister Bieber, you…made me…belibe” [dies]

  9. “No matter what occurs…I will find the television remote.”

  10. “Ears and noses will be the trophies of the day. But no upvote shall touch him.”

  11. Must have gotten messy changing his kids’ diapers with his left foot.

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