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You know how sometimes you read something about someone and it affects you in such a way that makes you to see everyone and everything in your life a little differently? Like, it may not be something that itself has any real impact on anything, but once you realize the way something is REALLY, it just changes your whole worldview? You know what I mean? One moment you see everything one way, and then the next it all suddenly shifts. Well, that is how I felt when I read this excerpt from Blake Lively’s feature in Elle:
“I’ve never gone on a date… If I’ve ever had a man in my life, it’s because I know him well, and he really means something to me. I don’t take that stuff lightly. I’d rather be by myself than be spending any time or energy on somebody that I didn’t feel sure about.”
NEVER GONE ON A DATE?! But she’s so beautiful! Surely I would think she has at least been taken out to dinner by SOME man she isn’t in a committed relationship wi–No? SHE HASN’T?! Just the major boyfriends and no one el–WHAT? It’s clear?! And I don’t need to keep asking questions about it?! Well, fine. But one thing I will NOT be stopped from doing is imagining my own first date with Blake Lively, because I can no longer live in this new reality.
Kelly drives to Blake Lively’s house to pick her up for their date. They have never met before but their friends set them up together with disregard for either’s sexual preference. “Hello, Blake!” says Kelly, when she gets to Blake’s door. “Hello, Kelly, it’s nice to meet you,” says Blake. “I’ve heard a lot about you and I googled you and I’ve read a bunch of stuff you’ve written. I like how on Videogum it’s always clear when it’s you and not Gabe and how no one ever mixes that up. Also I’ve looked at pictures of you and you are very pretty. Do you think you’d ever want to be on Gossip Girl?” “Haha, WHOA!” says Kelly. “That’s a lot to process! But thank you, Blake. I googled you before our date as well and saw that you were on a show called Gossip Girl. Although I’ve never seen it, I’d love to be on that show sometime.” “Oh, perfect,” says Blake. “My first date is off to a GREAT start!”
Kelly and Blake go to a very fancy restaurant and they’re both in very fancy dresses. “Pardon me for saying this, but you guys make such a cute couple,” says their waiter. “Oh — this is just our first date,” says Blake. “Huh,” says the waiter, “Looks like you two have been dating for a while!” Both Blake and Kelly smile at the waiter’s candor.
Blake and Kelly asked each other questions all evening, without ever spending too much time talking about themselves out of turn. It was a wonderful first date, but ultimately they decided to not go on another date. They remain best friends, and Kelly is going to be on Gossip Girl soon as a recurring character.
That sounded like such a good date! You’re welcome, Blake Lively! My worldview is restored! (Elle article via Celebuzz.)
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“She’s Pretty” -Steve Winwood
“Holy Shit, Where the hell have you been?” -Everyone else.
“I’ve never gone out on a date either. I’m just like Blake Lively.” — America’s Crazy Cat Ladies.
maybe she hasn’t “dated,” but rumor has it she has been gang-banged by the california raisins.
i am so sorry.
WHERE ARE THEIR FEETS?!
I heard that same rumor through the grapevine.
“I hope to have a few girls one day. If not girls, they better be trannies. Because I have some amazing shoes and bags and stories that need to be appreciated.”
I feel like this is worse, yikes, we’re gonna need a bigger barf bag
I don’t see why her sister, TEEN WITCH, can’t create a date potion for Blake.
If you can make a spell to be the most popular girl in the world, surely you can set her up with some nice guys.
THIS IS THE GREATEST REFERENCE EVER. In fact, I dare anyone to top that.
I’m hot and you’re not, but if you want to hang with me I’ll give it one shot. Top that!
“Don’t bother with dinner. Just fuck me already.” – how I choose to interpret this
Has she tried ‘you-hoo-ing’ and winking at potential dates as they pass her in the hall?
Argh, no! The joke I was going to make! For how long must we dance this dance KajusX??
I wish i had an answer! Do you know how long is the song?
Let me check. Oh no, it’s Bull of Heaven’s “The Chosen Priest And Apostle Of Infinite Space”!
Didn’t they use that song over the end credits of Snow Dogs?
Ugh, I knew wearing these red shoes was a bad idea.
I’m confused… Because Blake says she googled Kelly and read a bunch of the stuff she’s written. Did she somehow not notice any mention of Gossip Girl in Kelly’s posts? Because Kelly says she’s never seen it, which would be a lie, but wouldn’t she think that maybe Blake has read one of Kelly’s mentions of Gossip Girl? Or is this an alternate reality where Kelly really hasn’t seen Gossip Girl? #fringe
This post takes place on Earth-1610
The past???!?!?
WE HAVE TO GO BACK
I have never been on a date (with a person who isn’t my boyfriend).
(not a date)That wasn’t a date, he didn’t buy me flowers or hire a mariachi band to play my favorite song.
Liar, liar, traveling pants on fire.
Blake almost went on a date once.
Right as the guy was escorting her out the front door, John Rhys-Davies jumped out of the bushes, snatched up the guy in his hand, pointed to a passed out monkey on the lawn and warned, “Bad date.”
It’s sort of strange to know you’ve had an experience that a talented and beautiful celebrity hasn’t had.
I mean, other than begging your landlord for one more day or practicing making out with your pillow.
switch the pillow and the landlord and you have my life.
I went on my first date at age 33 after several relationships including a marriage. True (FASCINATING) story!
But who picked up the check?
I believe her. It’s hard for a guy to take you out on a real date when he’s cheating on his wife or girlfriend with you.
I wonder if she was bullied in high school.