As you may know, Anderson Cooper now has his own daytime talk show, which is every journalist’s dream, I’m sure. Apparently, it’s some kind of “male version” of Ellen, which is not actually a thing, so it is basically just Ellen. There was a clip going around a week or two ago in which Anderson Cooper got a spray tan with Snooki and some people were making light of this clip because they pointed out that Anderson Cooper had spent his career entering warzones and reporting actual news stories and now he was getting a spray tan with Snooki, but the truth is that getting a spray tan with Snooki is a pretty reasonable light-hearted celebrity profile segment, which is what people with daytime talk shows make. So, sure. I’m much more fascinated by this new clip in which Anderson Cooper tries coffee and spinach for the first time. WHAT?! First of all, how are you going to be an adult human being in the year 2011 who lives in New York City and is the descendent of robber barons and you have a successful television career and you’ve never at least TRIED coffee and/or spinach? What’s the matter with you? What a piece of shit! I mean, I know that life is long and complicated and sometimes things just happen, but open your mouth and open your mind, buddy! Even more importantly, though, HOW IS THIS A TELEVISION SHOW?! Who cares?! Is there something about coffee and spinach that I’m not aware of? Are those somehow endlessly fascinating things to watch people experience for the first time? Based on the clip the answer to those two questions is “NOPE”:

I love that he takes one sip of coffee and declares “I don’t get it.” Right. You are probably the most thoughtful and interesting thinker of our time. They’re changing the name of the Peabody Awards to the Coopers. The worst part about this whole thing is how dull and fake it is. Like, taking your first sip of coffee ever on your TV show and immediately declaring that you don’t get it and then taking a bite of spinach and making a face and going “that’s gross!” is so pre-planned and rehearsed and has nothing to do with your actual first reaction to a new thing. It’s boring and childish. Good show. Hold on, I’m calling the cable company and seeing if there’s a way to get a second DVR box just to record this show (so that I never have to delete an episode to make space for BONES) (just kidding, still do not know what Bones is). The best part, though, of course, is the audience LOSING ITS MIND. “LOOK AT HIS FACE HE IS EATING SPINACHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!HH!H!H!H!H!H!!H!H!”

Anyway, just thought you should know about this cool new show from a very smart journalist. Anderson Cooper. Check your local listings!!!!

Comments (94)
  1. No wonder he was never able to hook up with Olive Oyl!

  2. You leave Bones out of this.

  3. This just makes me curious what his go-to greens actually are. Is he some sort of arugula-eater? Kale? I mean, spinach is seriously like the least offensive green there is.

  4. “It’s mutual.” -Coffee

  5. Yes, this is ridiculous but I am in no way prepared to dislike Anderson Cooper yet.

  6. Anderson Cooper only drinks water and eats raw veal. He is actually 83 years old.

  7. Guys, I’ve been having a stressful week, and a very real problem I have when I get stressed out is that my normal sense of humor goes away and I start making puns. Yesterday I was texting a friend about how I had lied a few weeks ago to someone about my car acting funny to get out of going somewhere, and this week it crapped out. I called it “carma.” I am not proud.

    Anyway, that clip was ridiculist.


  8. There is only one Cooper. And he likes his coffee hot and damn fine.

  9. A friend of mine used to be an E.R. surgeon and now he’s a plastic surgeon, because he said people hated to pay to have their lives saved, but they loved to spend money on unnecessary surgery.

  10. I think we’re all missing the real lesson here – Anderson Cooper doesn’t poop as often as he should.

  11. I choose to believe that Anderson Cooper is a supertaster, and thus is hypersensitive to bitter things. It’s better than the alternative, which is that he is a picky baby.

    Guess what, Anderson? If I was your mom/network head, I would take away your TV show privileges until you at least have a “no thank you” portion of everything on your plate.

    • You know some of us aren’t babies at ALL. Some of us just don’t like certain things because of texture and maybe we also didn’t like them as babies for the same reason. And maybe we refused to eat them at any stage between being an adult and being a baby because why eat something icky when you don’t have to?

      I have this relationship with eggs. Thankfully I now live in an area that I can pass myself off as vegan but really it’s because either way, eggs are like snot or boogers and gross!! But then I saw Food, Inc. a few weeks ago and felt totally okay with my decision. I’ve even tried to eat them and my immediate reaction was to let it fall out of my mouth like an angry stubborn toddler. So maybe I am a baby about eggs. And maybe I think mushrooms are creepy because vegetables/fungi shouldn’t have gills. And maybe I hate olives because once I ate one when I thought it was a grape and I’ve been scarred since.

      But let’s talk about the real enemy — people who don’t like tomatoes. What the hell is wrong with THEM?

      • I hate raw tomatoes. The skin? the squish? People once thought they were poison, you know. My mom always said she’s allergic to them so i’ve taken that stance. Little lies don’t hurt right?

        I am for real allergic to carrots though. make my lips feel puffy and my throat scratchy…which is too bad. i actually like carrots.

        • Wow, I am apparently alergic to carrots. And raw carrots are the only vegetables I will eat, but I never knew why it did that to me. I thought it was like a dehydration thing or something.

        • The smell of raw tomatoes literally makes me gag. I don’t know why. Even if I pick it out of a sandwich, the tiniest taste of it will make me upchuck my food. I’m not allergic to it because cooked and even sun-dried tomatoes are fine, so it’s gotta be something psychological. And I eat everything, from the dodgiest Bangkok street food, to my nan’s home made blood pudding. No idea what the deal with tomatoes is.

          That said I find picky eaters unbearable. Sitting in a restaurant with someone who orders everything off menu, dressing on the side, hold the mushroom, hold the cheese, “oh does that have anchovies in it the dressing, can you make me a special dressing with no anchovies?” makes me want to punch them in the groin.

    • Somehow it seems relevant to point out here that Anderson Cooper was photographed as a baby by famous photographer-of-freaks Diane Arbus. Really!

  12. Such a big boy!

  13. Let’s ask Kelly again about her relationship with cucumbers!

  14. Every party has a Cooper.

  15. I partly side with Anderson.

    raw spinach = good

    cooked spinach = disgusting

    • Fie! You need to get taken to the Eggs Florentine shed.

      (You sit there and eat brunch and watch people get spanked one shed over, at the wood shed. It’s WEIRD.)

      • Any kind of egg dish with cooked spinach is an exception and delicious. But a big bowl of microwaved frozen spinach? Vomit inducing and usually on the menu at my parent’s house so I know what I’m talking about.

        • Frozen spinach is an abomination. Frozen vegetables in general are disgusting, limp soggy things. I’ve concluded this is the reason so many kids grow up hating vegetables. Most grew up eating frozen veggies or veggies that were boiled into an unrecognisable mush. The day I discovered I could steam, stir fry or grill them was the day I started eating vegetables regularly. Oh and fresh is the only way to go. More prep, but it’s worth it.

    • But spinach in pizza or spanikopita is amazing. Also, most cooked spinach is done with lemon and garlic and butter and you could pretty much put cardboard in that and it would be fantastic.

      You take that back, heisenberg. I have friends in the FDA that are looking for you and now I have a motive.

  16. You guys, we found the replacement for Andy Rooney!!

  17. “He was the black sheep, the permanent pariah; a true murder police talk show journalist.”

  18. “These eyes are a national treasure!”

  19. I would judge, but guys, I have to confess: I strongly suspect that I have never (knowingly) had kale.

    Of course, I grew up on the cheap lettuce that comes in a bag (you know the kind that was all white, with the sad carrot shavings and I think red cabbage but I am still not sure) because my family are not Vanderbilts. Also, I am working on expanding my green knowledge. Did you guys know that greens are great? They are great! And brussels sprouts are really good when not boiled for 7 hours! My mind was blown when I found that out.

    • I never had Brussels until about 18 months ago! Here’s what you do: cut the big ones in half, throw them in a bowl. Toss them with olive oil to coat them, then shake in a bunch of salt and pepper, orrrr cayene. It will stick to the oil. Then spread them on tin foil on a cooking sheet and bake at 450 until they start to get a little blackened, maybe 20 mins. THIS IS ALL I EAT SOME NIGHTS.

      • hotspur, you are a scholar and a gentleman, and have also given me fantastic inspiration for dinner tonight. Hurrah!

      • So I am a Brussels Sprout evangelist, so what. My mother vowed when she was little that she wouldn’t eat vegetables when she grew up, and basically stuck to it. This means there’s a lot of stuff I am discovering sort of late in life.

      • For reals this is my favourite dish – I especially love the crispy leaves and if I could find a way to make brussels sprouts chips that is all I would eat.

        • Maybe you could do like I do with kale:

          Preheat oven to 250 degrees.

          Wash & dry:
          *one bunch of greens. (collards = good, Lacinato or “Dino” kale = also a winner)
          Cut the leaves lengthwise along either side of the spine. If you like, cut the lengths of leaves in half crossways. Or whatever shape seems good.

          Toss in a big bowl with:
          *1-2 Tablespoons olive oil
          *salt & pepper to taste

          When the leaves are all coated, spread them over 2 cookie sheets and bake for 30 minutes.
          Out of the oven, they will remain green but be much smaller, like veggie shrinkydinks.

          Charming and crunchy, like those roasted seaweed snacks the Trader Joe’s set is snarfing down these days!

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  21. Why are we all focused on the spinach when really, brussel sprouts? They are delicious, so so good. I mean, my goddog loves them!

  22. Ah, my list of Anderson Cooper’s vulnerabilities grows. Soon I will know enough to defeat him.

    –Spinach
    –Coffee
    –Tickling

  23. He’s a liar. No journalist who jaunts around the world can fight jet lag and enter warzones without coffee. That’s like saying Hugh Jackman doesn’t pee on himself. It’s just not right.

  24. The more i see of Anderson the less I like him…well that giggle fit was cute…but everything I’ve watched/read about his talk show just puts a bad taste in my mouth. HAHAHAHA! Puns.

  25. Anderson Cooper looks like a robot whose batteries got turned off mid-grimace in that screenshot. And also not entirely unlike that one Jeff Dunham puppet. In a related story, Jeff Dunham is shopping around a daytime talk show that is like the homophobic version of Ellen, but with puppets so it’s not really homophobic.

  26. Remember when he hosted a reality show though? The Mole? Which was not about dermatology scares but was like a Survivor copycat with one person sabotaging things more than usual?

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