I’m no Kevin Smith interview aficionado. In fact, I’ve never read an interview with Kevin Smith other than the one that I’ll be talking about right now. I don’t like his movies and as you all know we only get so much time on this Earth to read celebrity interviews, so we have to spend it wisely. But I’ve been informed that the interview I’m about to share is a pretty standard Kevin Smith interview, and I’d like to respond to that in this way: HOLY MOLY! Guys! Did you all know about this? Why are you all continuing to let Kevin Smith do interviews?? This is your fault! If you see something, say something! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE DRILL BY NOW!

It begins with the interviewer explaining that Kevin Smith spend the first five minutes drilling him on different upcoming films. And then, from Moviefone:

I could quiz you all day, “What else is coming?” Compared to going to the fucking Internet, dude. You’re way less opinionated. You’re like, basically, “Here it is.” And then when I’m like, “Did you like it?” You’re like, “yeah.” Not fucking like, “If you don’t like this, you’re a fucking idiot who should burn like Hitler!” Or, “If you do like this, you’re an idiot who should burn like Hitler!”

Haha, WHAT? Somehow “you’re way less opinionated” is a compliment, I think? Compared to the fucking internet, which is FILLED with reviews that tell the reader they’re a fucking idiot who should burn like Hitler? Very in tune with both the Internet and this writer’s style of pre-interview “can we please get on with this” personal movie reviewing! “I’m like, ‘What did you have for breakfast,’ and you’re like, “cereal.’ And I’m like, ‘What’s your hometown like,’ and you’re like, ‘good.’ I could quiz you all day.’”

On the topic of the ”Kevin Smith genre”:

I mean, come on. Who would not be proud of having their own fucking genre? At the end of the day, whether you love him or hate him, Tim Burton movies are recognizable. You take his name off of it, you’re like, “That’s a Tim Burton movie.” You take a name off of a “Kevin Smith Movie” and, generally speaking, it’s pretty recognizable – as long as you can hear the volume.

AS LONG AS YOU CAN HEAR THE VOLUME. To be honest, it’s hard for me to believe that Kevin Smith movies are THAT recognizable. Other than that they all have Kevin Smith in them. They’re all terrible? Yes? And the characters say stupid things? And I guess there are always volume issues, apparently? But lots of bad movies exist. If we start going around assuming that every bad comedy with volume issues is a Kevin Smith movie, Joe Swanberg is going to be VERY upset. (Very good Joe Swanberg burn.)

On the negative critical reaction to inviting critics at Sundance to an auction for his movie Red State and then revealing that he’d actually be distributing the movie himself:

… What do they care? They weren’t invested. They weren’t going to buy it nor were they going to sell it. So what do they care if they got tricked at an auction? … Don’t you think that’s kind of petty? That’s not a review of the movie, that’s a review of the man. … [It] tainted their reviews of the movie. That was one of the fun parts for me with Red State: Exposing hypocrisy.

This is probably the most frustrating. Pulling a stupid publicity stunt prank at a film festival and then acting like you refuse to understand how people were upset at they got publicity stunt pranked? What a waste of everyone’s time! People who are there to do their job! And also “EXPOSING HYPOCRISY”???? I don’t know how to respond to that because I do not know what you are talking about!

Ugh, Kevin Smith. I don’t like your movies but that doesn’t mean I have to not like you, necessarily! Why are you insistant on making so many people dislike you! What is wrong with you! Please stop doing interviews! I understand that it’s not your fault because apparently people have known about this for years and they’ve done nothing to stop you but I’m asking you now, please stop! (Via ONTD.)

Comments (50)
  1. Cut him some slack, Gabe. he’s not perfect. He puts on his jorts one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.

  2. I don’t want to burst his bubble, but I don’t think it counts as a genre when only one guy is doing it.

  3. You know what else is instantly recognizable? Hitler!

  4. the old adage goes is that Hollywood is like high school, but with money. Kevin Smith is that guy from high school that just hasn’t changed since freshman year, and you kind of wanted to stop hanging out with him senior year, and then were able to tolerate through college because you only saw him once or twice a year, and now you try to avoid, but he expects to hang out because he doesn’t have any new friends, and you’re embarassed to bring him around to your new, adult friends and have to explain how you guys “go way back, so just be nice”….but with money.

  5. Kevin Smith movies are recognizable: There’s always a bunch of people having incredibly frank, overwritten conversations about sex and bitching about internet movie critics

  6. I have heard it said that one shouldn’t judge Kevin Smith by his awful fans, and as time goes on I see that this is true. We should judge him by his awful films, and his awful SELF.

  7. “Love the Hitler joke, Kevin” – Lars Von Trier

  8. Poor Kevin Smith. It must be frustrating to be the only person in the whole world that GETS it.

  9. jason lee

  10. Even as a man who hates Kevin Smith, it’s pretty annoying that every point of this post is either off-point or illogical. If I’m going to get all riled-up on anti-Smith sentiment, let’s at least avoid making the arguments willfully obtuse.

    • “willfully obtuse” – that’s something a kevin smith character would say, probably to a woman commenting on his masturbatory habits. and if its played by jason lee, 2 clicks too loud.

    • Yeah, I don’t really get this post.

    • I agree. I have had a love/hate relationship with Ksmith since Clerks, yeah the guy can be a dumbass, but he can also make me piss my jorts laughing. He can be extremely divisive, even among his “fans” and that is one of the things that I like about the jerk.

  11. If Kevin Smith is wrong, then AMC doesn’t want to be right: Kevin Smith Opens His ‘Secret Stash’ in New AMC Series – http://nyti.ms/pMW8dA.

  12. I was a Smith fan at one point. That was a long, long time ago. I think I’d still find the ‘Clerks’ cartoon funny but man, this guy. Always with the talking, always with the ‘woe is me, I know, I’m not talented, but the fans love me but is it enough love, blahblahblah, don’t you tell ME I’m fat, YOU’RE the one who’s FAT’ garbage. Enough already KS!

    • Um, sorry, quick second comment to this wonderful story. I love how in the full interview he talks about how he did ‘Cop Out’ to work with Bruce Willis (I’m assuming) and that “two days into the movie, it’s like, ‘Oh my God, I’ve just committed myself to a whole flick.’ … If this is the movie biz, I don’t need the movie business.” Yeah, funny how that works, when you’re hired to direct a film and then they expect you to stick with it for the long haul. Stupid movies! Jerks.

  13. I was reading this all when of a sudden my laptop started singing “Life is a Highway”. Does this post have a sountrack? Is my laptop haunted? Make it stop!

  14. I’m impressed that Kelly recognized the perfect opportunity for a Joe Swanberg burn and took it. Chances like that don’t come along too often…

  15. I liked Zac and Miri? Is that allowed?

  16. After Clerks, he should have just walked away. Sad.

  17. Yes. If only all artists (I know, I know) would “one and done”.

  18. I didn’t get into Star Wars until like, 8th grade, and my interest in it continued throughout high school (also, Final Fantasy games, and duh, I read comic books). So I was squarely centered in Kevin Smith’s sights. “What’s that? Stan Lee is in Mallrats?! SOLD.” From that point on I was with Kevin Smith on his cinematic journey.

    It was fine for a good long while, ESPECIALLY because I didn’t pursue any of his endeavors except his films. So once every two years or whatever, a new Kevin Smith film would come out, I’d see it a couple of times, and that’d be that. Never checked out the comics he wrote. Never visited his View Askew messageboard stuff. Would just pay for the movie ticket, then later the vhs tape, then eventually the dvds. And I loved his movies and quoted them with my friends, one of them eve latching on to Jay’s phrases and mannerisms (which, truth be told, I never enjoyed him doing that). The last film of his I bought on dvd was Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back.

    Skip forward past Jersey Girl, past Clerks 2, it’s now 2007 and I finally got myself an iPod and am looking for podcasts to listen to. I subscribed to SModcast. It was a fun listen, in that it was just a longer format thing like his Evening With dvds, which originally were fun because of their industry insider feel (telling stories about his involvement with the attempted Superman reboot by Tim Burton, etc). But on the SModcast Scott Mosier was there, and I really, genuinely have always loved the presence of the soft-spoken producer of Smith’s films, and looked forward to his cameo in each one.

    Zack & Miri Make A Porno came out after about 60-70 episodes of SModcast, and that’s when shit took a turn for the podcast. The film’s performance at the box office was abysmal. A new episode of the podcast didn’t come out for about two months or so, and when it finally did, Smith revealed he had been super-depressed and had begun to smoke weed, and he has not stopped since. The podcasts lost a lot of flavor, giving way to long, protracted rambling by a SUPER-stoned, guffawing Smith, and a Scott Mosier on the other end, often times just trying to figure what exactly it was SMith was going on about, as was I.

    I still listened to the show for quite a while after that (production of Cop Out, Southwest, SModcast Network, SModcastle), but eventually found that downloaded episodes were backing up and not being listened to, and so I unsubscribed and have tried to avoid any and all Smith’s spoken/opinion-related stuff since (I am still interested in his films, because, hey, films are easy to keep interest in).

    Red State will be the first film he has written and directed since donning his huge pothead, ‘I don’t give a shit and fuck all of you’ poersonality, and reviews have been mixed to positive, so I will probably see it. I just won’t be listening to any commentary tracks or reading any interviews. I’ve had enough of it. The man has run out of stories and basically talks about his small dick for hours on end every day of the week.

  19. Aw, I actually did read it, silently identified with some of what you wrote and upvoted your post. I’m just a sucker for a withering bon mot, I guess.

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