Who suggested Driven? Who was it? SHOW YOURSELF! You should all be ashamed. Sure, we're all having a good time talking about these terrible movies and oh ha ha, isn't it funny how Gabe is such a jerk and he was to watch them and he's so stupid and I hate him and wish he would fall down some stairs. But there's a point where it's not funny anymore, and that point is when we're talking about Driven. To paraphrase Sarah Palin, there is a special place in hell for whoever made me watch this movie.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Driven...
Posted by Gabe at 5:41 PM in
Tags: Burt Reynolds | Driven | Sylvester Stallone
latest by Red Sharlach
The Boondock Saints is unique to the Hunt. So far we have definitely had a couple of nominees that are renowned for being terrible (Battlefield Earth, I Know Who Killed Me, Hudson Hawk), but this is the first film to enter the competition that was so disastrous in its production and so notoriously panned by critics that there's actually a documentary about the movie, Overnight, that is arguably as successful as the movie itself. Two friends told me this weekend that they hadn't seen Boondock Saints, but they had seen the documentary about Boondock Saints. So that basically proves that it's more successful. I should probably become a Professor of Logic. IN ANY CASE, what do you say about a movie that has been the subject of ridicule since it was made in 1999? What do you say about a movie that is widely recognized as a ridiculous parody of itself? I will tell you. You say let's keep ridiculing this movie that is a ridiculous parody of itself, you guys, because oh man, this is a hilariously horrible movie!
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Boondock Saints...
Posted by Gabe at 5:45 PM in
Tags: Norman Reedus | Sean Patrick Flanery | The Boondock Saints | Troy Duffy | Willem Dafoe
latest by Bryce
What is it about Milla Jovovich and the end of the world? I mean, I wouldn't kick her out of bed for having the zombie virus either, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, but she really has quite a streak of saving us all from total annihilation. The fact of the matter is if anyone's going to save us from zombies or vampires or Gary Oldman it seems like that person is going to look more like Paul Giamatti, and be way more versed in the production of vaccines and international diplomacy than, say, gun kata. But I hope Hollywood's right. I hope Milla Jovovich does ride her motorcycle to the rescue. Although, if the world in peril looks anything like the world in Ultraviolet, she needn't bother. Let us die.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Ultraviolet...
Posted by Gabe at 5:20 PM in
Tags: Milla Jovovich | Ultraviolet
latest by bruce
I'd like to start this week by sharing with you an experience I had while watching The Adventures of Pluto Nash that goes a long way towards explaining why this movie, already widely considered a terrible movie, is indeed one of the worst movies of all time. Yes, it cost 120 million dollars to make but only took in 7 million at the box office (worldwide!). Yes, it's Eddie Murphy at his money hungry anti-funny worst. But those two factors alone are not the whole story. Plenty of expensive Hollywood movies turn out to be flops, and Eddie Murphy has been working to destroy his reputation for years. Besides, as we've already seen with Hudson Hawk, the entire genre of action comedy is wide open to critiques of awfulness. My experience is this: while watching Pluto Nash last night there was a scene in Pluto's nightclub and the song that was playing sounded an awful lot like Outkast's "So Fresh So Clean." That's funny, I thought to myself. That song sounds an awful lot like Outkast's "So Fresh So Clean", but of course this movie was made in the mid-'90s. How else to explain its incomprehensibly corny depiction of a nonsensical future? A little while later, while the characters were on the run, there was a billboard behind them for SmartWater. That's funny, I thought, SmartWater existed back in the mid-90s? Back in a time when a movie like this could have been made? Of course, The Adventures of Pluto Nash was released in 2002, so Outkast's song was only strange in its placement for the fact that it was old news, and SmartWater was only just hitting the yuppies' radar. It only SEEMS like this has to have been made back before people discovered laughter. 2002? Seriously? One likes to believe that one of the outcomes of 9/11 was, at least in the short-term, a refinement of our priorities, and a rejection of the impossibly bad. Not so, reminds The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Hollywood is still so bad at its job, it tells us.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: The Adventures Of Pluto Nash...
Posted by Gabe at 5:45 PM in
Tags: Dennis Quaid | Eddie Murphy | Rosario Dawson | The Adventures Of Pluto Nash
latest by greinth
It's easy to hate Mr. Brooks for a few obvious reasons, the main reason being that it stars Dane Cook in a completely serious dramatic role, which is admittedly funnier than any of his comedic performances, but is still abysmal and unfortunate. Also, the whole project has that special straight-to-DVD feel that certain movies have. It's as if they pulled together a focus group and asked them for their five favorite things about thrillers, and then they wrote the script during the ten minute bathroom break. Then they called the focus group back in and one guy was like "but wait, I like this sixth thing about thrillers," and the coordinator said "not a problem, we'll just tack it on at the end." And everyone in the focus group was like "Yay! We're fucking idiots!" The movie is about as fragmented as the career of its writer/director, Bruce A Evans, who wrote Starman and Stand by Me (great!) but who also wrote Jungle 2 Jungle (um...) and made his directorial debut (and his only other film prior to this) with the Christian Slater vehicle Kuffs. You can say this about Bruce A. Evans: when he wins, he wins pretty big, but when he loses, dude loses. Dude loses so bad.
There are plenty of less obvious reasons to hate Mr. Brooks, too.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Mr. Brooks...
Posted by Gabe at 5:33 PM in
Tags: Dane Cook | Demi Moore | Kevin Costner | Mr. Brooks
latest by Eric
I'm coming to realize that I've set for myself an impossible task. I'm like Don Quixote facing off against the windmills, except that the windmills are really difficult to watch, and often the windmills have Bruce Willis or Dakota Fanning in them. The Hunt will never end. There will always be new terrible, terrible movies that require careful examination before they can be trustfully sunk to the bottom of Whoops Ocean. But Quixote's folly was his charm. I think. That book is so long, you guys. Who can remember? I'm not a book scientist.
I'm going out of town this weekend for the holiday (labor is the best, we should always celebrate it) and I'm going to take one blessed week off from The Hunt. Just one blissful sloppy-movie-free weekend without an interminable mis-guided passion project looming menacingly over my Sunday evening like Kathleen Turner loomed menacingly over Sly in the Babyco laboratory. Please forgive me. Besides, we're off Monday, so whatevs. You ain't care.
But, in preparation for what's to come (sadness, and hopefully death), it's time to finalize the Round Two list of nominations, which is as follows:
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Round Two Late Additions...
Posted by Gabe at 1:30 PM in
latest by Tippet
When Hudson Hawk came out in 1991, I was mostly interested in whether or not hoverboards were real, and staying away from bullies, so I didn't pay much attention to INDUSTRY NEWS, and yet it somehow managed to seep into even my distracted consciousness that that this was an epically horrible movie. To be fair, up until this weekend, I hadn't seen it and I didn't know anyone who'd seen it. So while I was definitely anticipating something awful, I was also fully aware that I could be operating under false information. Anyone who's been to high school knows that reputations can far outlast the original event. And thus it is with a clear mind, and a guilt-free conscience, having watched the movie in its entirety, that I can say "Oh wow, no, Hudson Hawk is really horrible, you guys." Seriously, someone should have left it in a plastic bag in the girl's bathroom during prom.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Hudson Hawk...
Posted by Gabe at 4:35 PM in
Tags: Bruce Willis | Hudson Hawk
latest by Franz
Remember when Kevin Spacey was considered a good actor? It happened between 1995 and 1999. In 1995, both The Usual Suspects and Seven were released, and Spacey earned an Academy Award for his role as Roger Kint in The Usual Suspects. In 1999 he was again awarded an Academy Award for his role as Lester Burnham in American Beauty. That's not to say that Spacey hasn't had some minor triumphs before and since then, but those were really the golden days of Spacey. At this point, the shine has worn off. People don't even care if he's blowing guys in his trailer anymore. I think his fall from grace has to do with the fact that he has absolutely no range. His characters are always bemused and detached, watching the movie that's going on around them as if they aren't a major part of it. Splash some cold water on your face, Kevin Spacey, you're a fucking movie star. Act like it.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: K-Pax...
Posted by Gabe at 4:30 PM in
Tags: Jeff Bridges | K-Pax | Kevin Spacey
latest by Garmanbozia
