Videogum » Whitney Port

Here Are Some Afternoon Links!

Kelly — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 20:15:26 +0000

Eric isn’t going to be on Gossip Girl anymore!!!!!!!!! But who will be gay?!?!? -Vulture
The director of 30 Minutes or Less is definitely full of bologna when he says the movie has nothing to do with the real life exact thing that happened like it does in the movie. But also, I can’t wait for that movie. -FilmDrunk
Speaking of, let’s look at some pics of Jesse and Aziz at the premiere. Aw, love those two. -Just Jared
Anne Hathaway thinks her Catwoman costume is great and doesn’t GAF what you say. -MTV
Did you know several reels from an early Alfred Hitchcock film were found in New Zealand this week? Uhhh, yeah, me too. But they suck I guess so whatever. I know a lot about film. -Salon
Listen. I know we’ve, as an Internet and television and movie community, had way too much Emma Stone lately. I definitely know that. But don’t you maybe just want to read one more interview with her? I’ll just put it here and you can read it or not read it, whatever you want. -AV Club
Emeril Lagasse will be a judge on the new season of Top Chef. Uh, great. I bet when they asked him to do that he was like, “BAM.” Haha, right? “Bam.” -Warming Glow
Look at this collection of logos from fake movie and TV companies. It’s nice when a blog puts together a bunch of stuff you didn’t even know you wanted to look at but then you look at it and all the work is done for you and it’s nice. “The Internet: Try it, why not.” -Neatorama
Oh my god, look at this video of Whitney Port coning. I really thought coning couldn’t get any worse but look how much worse this is! -Celebuzz
Kumail Nanjiani attempted to write a sporty thing for Deadspin’s comedy week. -Deadspin
Movieline casted the Dirty Dancing reboot. No Vincent Gallo though? -Movieline
Judd Apatow says his Knocked Up spinoff is going to be more drama-y like Funny People. Whatever. As long as it’s not 20 million hours long, which it definitely will be. -Splitsider

Whoops, MTV, You Renewed The City

Gabe — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 15:11:24 +0000

Whitney Port’s dull, pre-rehearsed adventures in New York will continue for a second season. Second Season FAIL. On the plus side, it means we will continue to have a reason to make reference to that guy who TRIED TO BUY A BLOWJOB WITH OXYCONTIN. Silvar liningz.

Exclusive Clip From An Upcoming Episode Of The City

Gabe — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 14:26:56 +0000

Earlier today it was reported that Olivia’s cousin Nevan (because that’s a name that people have) from The City was once arrested for trying to buy a blowjob using Oxycontin. That is still the second funniest thing after Hugh Jackman peeing his pants. Anyway, it seemed pretty impossible that something like that would ever make it on the air, but apparently MTV has decided to answer their critics who claim that shows like The City are lifeless staged soap operas (true storayyyy). As this exclusive clip shows, things get pretty gully for Whitney and friends in the Big Apple:

Maybe We Should Be Watching The City

Gabe — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 09:21:57 +0000

Whitney Port’s Hills spin-off The City is so painfully contrived and boring and stupid and annoying that we have decided not to watch it. I don’t mean “we” in the blog-standard royal “we” as a coy stand-in for “I” definition of “we” either. I mean we. Videogum. Like, Lindsay and I feel that there are better things in this world for everyone to be spending their time looking at and talking about.

Or so we thought!

According to the HuffingtonPost, Nevan, who plays “social” Olivia’s cousin on the show, was arrested for trying to pay for a blowjob with Oxycontin. YESSSSSSS! Man, some people live the life, huh? Incredible. I know that Nevan is just a side character on a show about side characters, but even just the whispered potential that people on this show might solicit blowjobs from lady cops posing as prostitutes with the promise of Oxycontin as payment makes it almost worth watching. That’s actually a sign of just how bad The City is, that a member of the cast was arrested for trying to pay for a blowjob with Oxycontin (the funnest thing to say since “the Vice President shot his friend in the face”) and I still won’t watch it.

[Insert Boyz in tha Hood video clip. You know the one.]

The Hills: Marriage Is Between A Goat Man And A Plastic Woman

Gabe — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 14:41:22 +0000

I cannot tell you how convenient it is that Diane Von Furstenberg offered Whitney the job right before her spin-off reality show The City premieres. Can you imagine how awkward it would have been if she didn’t get the job?! Sorry, Whitney, we had to shut down production on your show. Diane Von Furstenberg just decided that she didn’t want weekly publicity in exchange for giving you a desk with nothing on it and a phone that wasn’t actually connected. How great would The City be, though, if it followed Whitney around from one temp job to the next as she managed living in a Bushwick railroad with four roommates? A: very great.

So, Whitney is leaving. Buh bye. Yuck. I’m sorry. No one should ever say “buh bye.” But what else do you say to a Whitney Port? Oh, right. Ciao. You say ciao before you put the gun in your mouth, because afterwards it would just sound like “krow hitrey.”

The Hills: Whitney Has Always Dreamed Of Moving To Spin-Off Show City

Gabe — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 11:37:00 +0000

Most of this week’s episode is a build up to the December 29th premiere of Whitney Port’s spin-off series, The City, which is too bad because I would much rather have seen them work in a bunch of build up to Brody Jenner’s Bromance. The producers worked really hard to weave Whtiney’s storyline into the fabric of The Hills narrative structure, so that it almost seemed realistic that Whitney was being offered a job in New York and was moving there for a career outside of being a “curated reality TV” wastrel. So I would hope the same effort would be made with Brody in the fictional scenario that I have just created in which his spin-off show is also woven into The Hills. I think what would work best is if Brody and Doug Reinhardt got in a staged fight, and then as Brody was getting into his Escalade he was like “OH NO, I JUST LOST MY BEST FRIEND. YOU KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, I SHOULD FIND A NEW BEST FRIEND TO CHILL WITH AND JUST BE BEST BROS. A BROMANCE IF YOU WILL. I WILL START LOOKING FOR ONE IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS I THINK.” You know, something subtle like that.

Because it wouldn’t be any more gratuitous or impossible to believe than what they did with Whitney:

The City Should Be Called The Devil’s Public Relations Associate

Lindsay Robertson — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 11:39:15 +0000

There’s a new, even more detailed trailer for Whitney Port’s Hills spinoff, The City:

When the first promo for The City came out in October, Gabe astutely noted that Whitney Port herself seems to be barely in the show (he also noted that she’s dumb, but I’m not totally on that bandwagon yet.) And this new one, which further delves into the “problems” Whitney encounters while “following” “her” “dreams” in the “real” “New York City,” is conclusive proof that the premise of this show is “Hills cast member is so boring that in order to have a show, we have to surround her with evil, emotionally unstable, occasionally sobbing models.” And the “nest of rattlesnakes” plot they’re forcing on the show just isn’t realistic: LA (the city Whitney already conquered) is a nest of rattlesnakes. Gossip Girl is a nest of rattlesnakes. But unless Whitney really is monumentally Audrina-stupid, she should be able to meet the nice people in New York who came to New York to work hard, which is almost everyone. It’s almost like they did a casting session for good-looking people willing to look ludicrously evil to play the people surrounding perfect Whitney who are “not what they seem.” It’s almost like the show is based on that great movie, The Devil’s Advocate. OMG, it so is! Welcome to Babylon, Whitney Port. Stay away from ~~John Milton~~ Olivia The Social.

The Hills Continues To Pretend Heidi Montag Ever Had A Job To Begin With

Gabe — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:44:00 +0000

This week’s episode was mostly a big run up to Whitney Port’s spin-off, The City. Kelly Cutrone was like “Whitney and Lauren, I need you to come to New York immediately and pretend like you are working so that we can establish the exciting romantic intrigue that awaits Whitney in the big city.” Blah. Caring about who Whitney Port is or is not going to date is like caring about whether bathwater is tepid or lukewarm. Either way, it’s going to be an unsatisfying bath! Perfect metaphor. Three gold stars. Junior league champion.

Meanwhile, back in Los Angeles, we pick up where we left off last week, with Heidi Montag pretending to be sad after getting fake fired from her never-existent job. You know, this show is already a slap in the face to 99.9 percent of the world population who must work to feed their families and for whom “Latte Drinking” does not appear on their resume under either Skills or Objective, but to perpetuate the lie that Heidi Montag is a professional who is struggling with the real life ups and downs of office life is actually offensive. Work is hard enough as it is without MTV coming around and putting the dick back in your mouth.

Anyway, Heidi is “sad” about losing her “job”:

Looks Like The Stupid Student Has Become The Stupid Master

Gabe — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 09:20:24 +0000

There’s an article in the NYDN today about Whitney Port’s adjustment to life in New York, and what people can look forward to (for lack of a better expression) in her new show, The City. Mostly the article is about…how…busy…Whitney is? Those racks of jeans aren’t going to be lazily and purposelessly reorganized while you use them as a prop for your personal life gossip session themselves!

According to the article, Whitney had some trepidation about starting her own show, but she turned to the one person who everyone should always turn to for so much advice. Lauren:

“I’ve looked at Lauren’s career and all the wonderful things she’s been able to do and all the wonderful ways she’s been able to help people and I had a conversation with her that really made me confident with my ability to handle this,” said Port. “It’s very scary to have your whole life on camera but, in the end, I decided that it was an opportunity that I would live to regret if I didn’t take it.”

Transcript of that conversation after the jump.

Whitney Port’s New Show To Occasionally Feature Whitney Port

Gabe — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 16:36:50 +0000

Trailer for Whitney Port’s new Hills spin-off, The City, you guys:

(via Dlisted)

Whitney Port lacks the intellectual capacity to pick the pepperoni off of an entire slice of pizza without getting distracted, much less carry an entire reality show. Which is made all the more obvious by this trailer that spends way more time dwelling on the side characters than on Whitney herself. Girl who makes futon jokes! Australian New York Justin Bobby! Angry young woman who wants to eat Whitney’s face! They are the real stars, apparently. And enough of these Port Apologists who claim that she’s far and away the most interesting, intelligent person on The Hills. Compared to whom? Lauren Conrad? A wadded up receipt for a pregnancy test from a Duane Reade found in the fifth pocket of a pair of thrift store jeans is far and away the most interesting, intelligent person compared to her. And jeans aren’t even a person!

Who am I kidding. I am so excited for this show!