Videogum » Violence

You Can Make It Up: Sean Bean Gets Shot In The Face

Gabe — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 21:45:41 +0000

Sean Bean got shot in the face. He had been at the pub and a row ensued over a woman, typical pub row stuff. Voices had been raised. Faces reddened. A glass fell to the ground and shattered. “Let’s take it outside, friend,” the other man had said, menacingly. Sean Bean didn’t say crap. Sean Bean didn’t blink or say crap or nothing. He just nodded his head. Kind of. Maybe not even. His head might have moved a tiny bit up and down, that is what some people who were there said later, but other people swore that Sean Bean’s head did not actually move at all. That he had simply continued to stare at the man, with the corner of his mouth spread in a tiny sideways grin, and that when the man stormed out of the pub, Sean Bean had followed him, still with that grin and without practically even responding basically, except in the response of following him out. In the street, things only got worse. The man pulled a gun and shot Sean Bean in the face. Ouch. The man stood over Sean Bean’s body and shot him three more times in the chest, shouting down at him, “what now?!” he was shouting. “What now, Sean Bean?!” But that was only the beginning.

The man chopped off both of Sean Bean’s legs and threw them down a sewer drain. He peeled the skin from Sean Bean’s body like an apple skin. He set his fingers on fire. He dipped each one of Sean Bean’s fingers in gasoline, and set them on fire. The woman who was at the center of this dispute–if it could even still be called a dispute at this point–stood in the doorway, her hands covering her face. The other man continued.

Chris Brown Attempts To Dance His Way Out Of Nightmare Town

Gabe — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 13:30:40 +0000

On last night’s episode of Dancing with the Stars, Chris Brown performed a couple of songs and danced his heart or whatever dark thing beats in that evil chest out. Sure. The truth be told, if there is one thing that Chris Brown can do BESIDES beat his girlfriend in the face in a rented Lamborghini (lol) before running off into the night and leaving her for dead, it’s dance. But Dancing with the Stars is also the most wholesome show on television, basically, and showbiz’s attempt to show families that it can produce entertainment without relying on sex and violence. And Chris Brown’s performance opens with a child who shouts “Hey, there’s Chris Brown,” and then starts dancing. Oof. It is one thing for the industry to try and clean up Chris Brown’s tarnished (with blood and bits of hair) image because he makes people a lot of money and that is what people who are getting a lot of money do and it’s one of the reasons they have so much of it (money). But do we really need to get ACTUAL children involved in defending the honor of a known domestic abuser? What a disgustingly manipulative ploy that should not work but probably will! (Here’s another thing I was thinking about with this whole Chris Brown thing: his defenders have this tendency to argue that, like, it was terrible what happened and Chris Brown has paid his dues and he hasn’t beaten anyone in the fucking face since then and everyone makes mistakes and so that’s that, which I understand where that thinking is coming from, but the one thing that it doesn’t take into account is the fact that the time when he was forced to turn himself into the police because everyone in the world knew what he had done was DEFINITELY NOT the first time he’d been abusive by any means. That’s not how it works? That’s like arguing that someone who got pulled over for drunk driving only did it that one time by accident and never did it before and would never do it again. Right.)

Watch Chris Brown’s performance on Dancing with the Stars after the jump:

Now Who Dun Goofed?

Gabe — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 21:00:16 +0000

The police backtraced it. (Also: this story is mostly just super sad. LOL?!)

Bieber Fever Is The New Rage Virus

Gabe — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 21:30:38 +0000

Apparently Justin Bieber is trapped in his Liverpool hotel, which is surrounded by an uncontrollable CHILD ARMY, and now there is footage of this event, and it is horrifying. Meet at the quarry! Bring only what you need to survive!

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Sarah Palin Did Not Cause The Arizona Shootings But Is Still An Asshole

Gabe — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 14:30:05 +0000

Look, Sarah Palin is not responsible for the horrific shootings that took place in Arizona over the weekend. No duh. Even if it hadn’t been revealed that Jared Loughner had a history of frustration with Giffords, the fact remains that the dude is crazy, and whether or not the contemporary political climate helped to frame his world in such a way that his violent impulses were rationalized or encouraged, it’s hardly the sole or even most important factor. That would be his impossibly easy access to guns. The point that I am trying to make is that laying the blame for this on a JPG on a website is ridiculous, no matter how tasteless the JPG may be–and in this case, the JPG was VERY tasteless! (The thing that is most insane about the Sarah Palin “targets” image to me is that it was STILL UP on her website in the first place. That image came out in March of last year, and she was roundly criticized for it, so why didn’t she just save herself some grief and take it down? Fucker just left it up? WHAT AN ASSHOLE!) So, to try and place any meaningful blame or responsibility for the terrible shootings on Sarah Palin’s shoulders is both incorrect and inappropriate. That being said, THOSE SHOULDERS SURE ARE AN ASSHOLE’S SHOULDERS.

Ugh, this woman!

First of all, you are aware by now of the whole “surveyor’s symbols” thing? How Sarah Palin’s camp is claiming that the symbols on her map aren’t gunsight targets at all, but rather are symbols used in landscape architecture? Excuse me, but FUCK YOU. It’s one thing to be frustrated that you’re getting unwarranted criticism for a thing that is not your fault–fair enough–but do not start with the condescending bullshit nightmare lies. Those are gun targets. The end. I rest my case. You rested my case for me by, you know, USING GUN TARGETS ON YOUR PICTURE. The fact that they would even dare to mention “surveyor’s symobls” is just straight up VILLAINOUS. (And this is just straight up parodic.)

And now she has released her first official video* statement, and boy oh boy, I kind of wish she hadn’t.

FIGHT VS. FIGHT: A FIGHT OFF!

Gabe — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 19:45:54 +0000

It is human nature to love a fight, and the combination of telephones with cameras inside of them and the Internet has made fights easier to see than ever before. Gone are the days of waiting for the International Fight SIgnal of a strained, too-excited voice shouting bloodlust-y encouragement from behind a Taco Bell dumpster. Of course, the only thing people like more than an actual fight (because in real life those are scary and upsetting*) is a hypothetical fight. You know what I’m talking about. “Who would win in a fight, a shark or a bagel?” Stuff like that. “Who would win in a fight, a robot or a pumpkin pie?” (The way the game is played, traditionally, is to take something from a t-shirt you see in Brooklyn, and make it fight some food.) But what if we were to combine the two things? What if we were to combine America’s love for actual fights with America’s love for fake fights? WHAT IF WE HAD A FIGHT OFF BETWEEN FIGHTS?!

In one corner we have a Halloween fight in a Denny’s. In the other corner we have a fight at an amusement park in which a gang of costumed mascots beats up a park patron. WHICH OF THESE FIGHTS WINS THE FIGHT OFF DING DING DING THAT’S THE BELL!

Rand Paul Supporters Curb Stomp Protester, Officially Making This The Funnest Election Ever

Gabe — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 13:30:54 +0000

Do you guys ever worry that this election season is getting TOO cool? Oh man, I KNOW! It’s like, everyone needs to settle down because we’re almost being so awesome about stuff that Brooklyn’s going to fall into the ocean. Even the Fonz is like, “you guys!” That being said, it’s definitely going to get cooler before it gets less cool. Case in point, a protester from MoveOn.org was holding some ridiculous sign at a Rand Paul rally last night (like, she wanted to give him an “Employee of the Month” award from a fake organization, the sign and organization both being intended as sarcastic, pointed commentaries about Paul’s policies? As I mentioned: EVERYONE is being cool this year, and it’s all very cool) when she was grabbed by Rand Paul supporters, dropped to the ground, and HER HEAD WAS STEPPED ON. Now, she’s OK. In the news clip posted after the jump, the news team interviews her after this assault occurs. While the Rand Paul supporters were almost insanely inappropriate in their behavior, they didn’t actually demand that the woman bite the curb before stepping on her head, which is always the crucial factor in a curb stomp. But also, being “fine” aside, GOOD GRIEF WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN GOING ON OUT THERE ANYMORE?

BREAKING NEWS: Jodie Foster Viciously Attacks Teenage Boy!

Gabe — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 19:00:22 +0000

As we know, my favorite news story is (and will always be) LINDSAY LOHAN’S SCRAM BRACELET. And my second favorite news story is the current political scandal in South Carolina. But Jodie Foster being accused of assaulting a teenager in a parking lot is definitely in the top three and CLIMBING THE CHARTS! (P.S. It is always important to rank news stories in order of personal preference.)

Jersey Shore S01E04: Wait, What Happened To Snooki? I Think Something Happened To Snooki!

Gabe — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 11:00:20 +0000

This will be the last I complain for the day about the logistical nightmare that my life has become. Seriously, these guys know what I’m talking about:

“I hate cholera, and when my 17″ MacBook Pro dies.”

So, I can’t really do last night’s episode of Jersey Shore the justice that it deserves. Summer bummer. But we can still talk about it. But before we talk about it, can we talk about what a week it has been? Right? I mean, from the very first episode, Jersey Shore was everywhere, but the last week has really been something special. If you look up “phenomenon” in the dictionary there’s a picture of The Situation saying “Fenomawhattaboutit?” The cast has appeared on awards shows, and every single late night talk show. There has been a protest. Sort of. I mean, that was not a very good protest. But, you know. Last night, I was talking with some friends, and we were trying to think of the next most recent example of reality stars becoming this “famous” this quickly, and the closest we could come was William Hung, but even that doesn’t seem quite right. New breed.

Anyway, last night, so there was this:

MTV Pulls Snooki Punch, Is Sorry You Fell Down A Step-Ladder In The Garage

Gabe — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 09:53:20 +0000

MTV announced this weekend that it was pulling the scene from this week’s episode of Jersey Shore in which Snooki gets punched in the face. From US Weekly:

“What happened to “Snooki” was a crime and obviously extremely disturbing,” MTV said in a statement Friday. “After hearing from our viewers, further consulting with experts on the issue of violence, and seeing how the video footage has been taken out of context to not show the severity of this act or the resulting consequences, MTV has decided not to air “Snooki” being physically punched in next week’s episode.”

OH PLEASE! I’m not saying that MTV is wrong in choosing not to exploit a horrible act of violence against a woman’s face for entertainment purposes, but give me a break! They have run the footage of Snooki getting punched ad nauseum since the first episode in an attempt to get people to keep watching the show. “Oh man,” MTV was basically saying, “you better stick around if you want to see this girl get rocked in the fucking FACE.” And while I’m assuming that MTV is talking about blogs and animated GIFs when it says the footage has been taken out of context, THEY TOOK IT OUT OF CONTEXT FIRST. There was no context when they showed Snooki getting punched and then insisted that we would not want to miss this season of Jersey Shore.

Fucking liars!