All of this is, naturally, leading up to the United States’s triumphant deportation of two stupid British kids who just wanted to party in the land of the free for making Family Guy references on Twitter. GOTCHA! Nice try, Osama Bin Laden’s ghost. From the Hollywood Reporter:

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After a conversation on Twitter that saw one of his followers comparing him to Hitler, Ricky posted this picture of himself along with the comment: “I’m in two minds…”

That’s it? Some complete stranger says some stupid comment on Twitter about Hitler, which incidentally is the hackiest of all hack comments to make and I thought we’d all agreed upon that in, like, the ’90s, and that’s all it takes for Ricky Gervais to DRESS UP AS HITLER AND TAKE A PHOTO AND POST IT ON-LINE? Does he not have any friends to talk to? Is there no one in his corner where every time he gets one of these awful ideas in his head, that friend can put a hand on his wrist and say, “Hey, I’ve got an even better idea: let’s not do your idea.” That is literally what friends are for. Oh, and by the way, it gets worse: he almost dressed up as Hitler for the Golden Globes. COOOOOL. This guy is the Sarah Palin of comedy: TOTAL RENEGADE. Listen to this shit:

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I know that none of us want to look at a picture of Snooki. Believe me. She is not a person that is or has ever been on any of our radars. But, uhhhh…I want NEED to talk to you about something. So, you know how Snooki looks so disgusting all the time? Like a legit monster? Well, today she tweeted a photo of herself without makeup on and she is UNRECOGNIZABLY BEAUTIFUL. If she weren’t making such a goddamn dumb face I’d hardly even believe it was her! HER EYES! LOOK AT HER EYES! I wanted to bring this to your attention, ladies, because…Maybe we should all start wearing a lot of disgusting makeup for a while? Like, just a few years. Cover our faces in fake tanner and bronzer and eyeshadow and a flour/water combination and sriracha and superglue and coal and whatever else, and then just sleep in it every night and reapply the next day. Then once we decided to go makeup free, WE WILL ALL LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL IN COMPARISON! And everyone will applaud our natural beauty. They’ll say, “Oh my god, you are so beautiful without makeup on!” And we’ll say, “Oh no, I look so gross! Don’t look at me, yuck!” But really we’ll be thinking, “IT WORKED!” And we will want them to look at us forever.

Sound good?

Kelly

(Via TheDailyWhat.)

Cool. Thanks for opening this dialog, Ashton. I guess we should just upload our own YouTubes and you will definitely see them and watch them and think about them and respond to them? And then we can do the same with each other’s YouTubes, until there’s just this sprawling collection of dimly lit YouTubes with terrible audio quality going back and forth, the same poop, forever? You know, like a dialog. Perfect dialog. The only thing smarter than “opening a dialog” by posting a direct-to-camera vlog that you recorded while watching football (and it’s worth pointing out that this copy is actually a re-upload by someone else, so it’s hard to know if Ashton Kutcher is even in control of this dialog anymore, or if the dialogmates have taken over the dialogsylum) is everything else Ashton Kutcher says in this video. It was expensive to print books and that is why social media is untrustworthy? BOOM! You did it, bro. You cracked the code. From Earnest Hemingway to Turntable.FM, it’s all a big fucking lie. I’m pretty sure this is what the movie Chain Reaction was about, and that you should be wearing the Harvard sweatshirt instead of Keanu Reeves, because you’re the genius and he’s just a fucking actor. Something tells me that you made this video in response to the rumors circulating over whether or not you are cheating on Demi Moore, but that’s less of an instance of a lie circulating around the globe in an instant because of Twitter, and more to do with a woman you raw-dogged doing an interview about it. Are tell-all interviews “social media”? I suppose as much as any of this has to do with “literature.” What are we talking about again? Ashton, could you please moderate the dialog that you opened? Some of the audience is losing the thread. (Via ONTD.)

It looks like Joss Whedon, in his moments away from directing The Avengers, has completed principle photography on a top secret film about a scuba diver who loves orange martinis. But how does he get the orange martinis, and does he sleep in the water or will he come out at some point? WE’LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE! Last night (Sunday) on Twitter, Firefly actors Nathan Fillion and Sean Maher tweeted a link (muchadomovie.com) that leads to a website announcing Whedon’s secret project and its cast (which includes Fillion and Maher, along with Dollhouse‘s Fanz Kranz, BriTANicK‘s Brian McElhaney and Nick Kocher, and a million more). From The Hollywood Reporter:

Some speculated that it might be his follow-up to the web series Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. The obvious question, of course, is whether it is in fact some sort of adaptation of the William Shakespeare play. Meanwhile, [costume designer, Shawna] Trpcic answered some questions about the project on Sunday night but gave only vague answers. In response to the question “full-length film, short or web series?” she wrote: “Film ish not sure in what format he will release it.”

Uh, yeah, but we already know it’s about a scuba diver who loves orange martinis? That seems pretty clear. But then I guess what play is it based on? I don’t recall any play based on a scuba diver who looooves orange martinis, but to be honest I don’t know about every single play that exists. Or maybe it’s nothing at all, and it will only lead up to a book Joss Whedon is releasing titled Much Ado About Nothing where he discusses the role of media in the public’s reaction to film. And we’re going to be like, well, not entirely a new topic but we’ll take it, Joss Whedon, you certainly got us. Or maybe it’s just a made-for-TV movie that’s like a sci-fi Much Ado About Nothing + scuba. I don’t know, what do you think it is? TELL ME WHAT IT IS!

Comic Ricky Gervais was rapped by disability groups last night for a string of “mong” jokes. He uses the word on Twitter in phrases like “Good monging” and “Two mongs don’t make a right”. He posts snaps of himself in what he calls “monged-up” poses, with captions like: “My favourite drink is toilet.” And he once referred to singer Susan Boyle as “looking like a mong”. Mongol is an offensive and dated reference to people with Down’s Syndrome.

“My favourite drink is toilet.” WHAT! This is all terrible and he’s a jerk and I hate him so much, but I still believe he could’ve thought of a better joke caption than “My favourite drink is toilet.” Ricky’s defense in this has been that he doesn’t believe mong is a term that refers to people with Down’s Syndrome anymore, rather it now means “complete idiot” – he continues to cite that “gay” used to mean “happy” AND NOW LOOK — and that people who are getting upset just aren’t getting the joke. Of course. “Classic.” But when you say that people aren’t understanding your joke, you generally have to offer a different way of understanding it. Right now it seems pretty clear that the joke is that he’s using the term “mong” in the exact way those who are upset with him are perceiving it. And THE PHOTOS OF HIMSELF? The photos of himself doing cartoony imitations of people with Down’s Syndrome? Great joke, I totally get it. I totally get it and the joke has nothing to do with Down’s Syndrome, but I AM going to keep it under my hat. Figure it out for yourselves! Ricky Gervais has responded on his blog:

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