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The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Gone In 60 Seconds

Gabe — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:53:30 +0000

Action movies are basically children’s movies for adults. That is to say that they are expressly designed to hit very specific pleasure centers to generate a predictable and uniform reaction. Bad action movies, like bad children’s movies, are rarely open to interpretation. Children’s movies, of course, are exempt from this Spiritual Journey because what’s the point? They are made for an audience with unique needs that are not the needs of adults. Forget it, Jake, it’s Babytown, etc. Action movies are not entirely exempt from the Hunt, as the CrankHeads know all too well, but they might as well be exempt. They are simply too intentionally dumb and their ambitions too low to ever seriously surprise anyone with their terribleness. “What do you mean Speed 2 wasn’t very good? How is that even possible?” is not a thing anyone has ever said. Let dogs sleeping at 55 miles per hour lie, or whatever.

Gone in 60 Seconds is no exception. But it is terrible. So:

A Perfect Getaway: Like Deliverance But With Hot Bad Guys

Lindsay Robertson — Fri, 29 May 2009 13:23:22 +0000

In the tradition of Deliverance and The River Wild, A Perfect Getaway is a man-vs-man-in-nature thriller starring Steve Zahn and Milla Jovovich as a vacationing couple who run into the wrong creepy murderers on their beautiful island vacation. I don’t think I’ve been more excited about a non-comedy movie trailer in like six months, because, for one thing, the main bad guy is TIMOTHY OLYPHANT:

I miss thrillers, I’m glad Hollywood is starting to bring them back. And based solely on this trailer and his past work they can go ahead and give the 2009 Best Villain Moon Man to Tim a year early at Sunday’s MTV Movie Awards.

The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Dreamcatcher

Gabe — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:08:32 +0000

When I was in Junior High, back in the mid-60s, I was really into Stephen King. One year, our teacher asked us to pick a book, read it, and write a one page report. When I handed in my report on It, she called me over to her desk and told me that plagiarizing was wrong, and that I shouldn’t ever do it. To be fair, I hadn’t plagiarized anything, but I had tried to sound professional and wrote things like “the children descend into a spiral of madness,” and “the demonic clown is actually a metaphor for the loss of innocence,” or some garbage. The point of this story is not to show off how good I have always been at writing one page synopses of books you buy at the airport, although I was basically a prodigy in that, but to remind everyone that before we even begin talking about Dreamcatcher, Stephen King is for pre-pubescent children. So if you’re a pre-pubescent child, and Videogum readers often are, you can stop reading this post right now and go rent Dreamcatcher. It’s going to be your favorite movie.

OK. Adults? Holy shit, this movie is nuts. Let’s go y’all!

Uh Oh, They Added Go To Hulu This Week

Lindsay Robertson — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 09:57:39 +0000

Go, the poorly-marketed Doug Liman cult classic starring Sarah Polley and Katie Holmes as 17-year-old grocery store clerks who get swept into the LA underworld, and also several other storylines, is now on Hulu for free. I don’t think I know anyone who hasn’t seen Go, but since I probably watch it several times per year, it’s notable that it’s now free on Hulu. If you haven’t seen it, it’s very fun, and the best of the post-Pulp Fiction genre. Here’s the trailer:

It’s also the best work Jay Mohr has ever done, which isn’t a phrase you hear that often.

Timothy Olyphant Gets Outta My Dreams, Gets Into Damages

Lindsay Robertson — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 09:42:53 +0000

Go and Deadwood‘s dreamy Timothy Olyphant will be joining the cast of Damages on FX in the fall:

His character becomes entangled in the life of Ellen Parsons (Rose Byrne) as she deals with her boss, Patty Hewes (Glenn Close), when the firm takes a new client (William Hurt).

I don’t know who those characters are but I will this fall when I DVR Damages every time it comes on because Timothy Olyphant is too sexy: