Videogum » Time Machines

The Hot Tub Time Machine Trailer, You Guys

Gabe — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 16:19:56 +0000

You can watch it here. Let’s just say that this movie definitely has a hot tub that is a time machine in it. FACT.

That’s Your Boyfriend: This Little Boy From Back To The Future III

Gabe — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 15:37:01 +0000

You are so happy with Verne, your terrifying child bride, that you built a time machine so that you could go back in time and ~~KILL HITLER~~ fall in love all over again. Get it? Time machine? Because he was in a movie about time machines? You get it. Or maybe you don’t get it now that you are so deeply in love. “Gabe, did you ever think that maybe you use humor as a defense mechanism to keep people from ever getting too close? Verne and I were talking about it last night in bed.” Oh shut up, lovebird.

IN OTHER NEWS: it’s weird that it is 2009 and we have still never addressed the inconvenience of using a fucking TRAIN as a time machine. It would be very inconvenient!

Good Riddance, ’00s

Gabe — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:25:33 +0000

Newsweek made a video titled “The Decade in 7 Minutes,” which could have been a fun look back except that 9/11, George W. Bush, and Afghanistan all happen in the first 30 seconds and then you start looking at your watch because, man, this has been a rough one!

You Can Make It Up: Roman Polanski Builds A Time Machine

Gabe — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 17:05:36 +0000

Roman Polanski paced his Swiss jail cell, where he had been placed on decades old warrants related to the 1977 charges of raping and drugging a 13-year-old girl. For weeks he had carefully dug a hole into the soft clay wall of his cell, dropping the loose pieces through a hole in his pocket in the exercise yard, covering his progress with a Rita Hayworth poster the warden had been kind enough to provide him with. Finally, when the hole was deep enough, he used it to store the various bits and pieces he would need to complete his time machine, collected from the cafeteria, the laundry room, and the metal works. Now, there was only one piece missing, and he knew exactly what it was (a tiny twist of copper wire), and which he planned to extract from a shortwave radio in the kitchens that the guards let the assigned prisoners listen to music on while they cooked for their fellow inmates. Then, at midnight, he would install this wire as a connector between the important parts and he would be ready for his first voyage THROUGH TIME.

He got it! The piece of wire! The guards didn’t see him get it. There was not even a problem with the sloppy joes at lunch at all. And now it is midnight!

What Day Is It?

Gabe — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 10:46:34 +0000

Between the color scheme, Jerry Lewis still being alive, and Charo not looking a day over 4?, it’s hard to believe this clip is from last weekend and didn’t just fall into a hot tub time machine somewhere. But Charo’s rendition of “Please Don’t Stop the Music” is the proverbial copy of Sunday’s newspaper held up to prove that this boat is real.

“Starfish Hitler, Part One” Or: “The Question Is When Is The Starfish Hitler?”

Gabe — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 15:29:53 +0000

(via HolyTaco)

A lot of people, when they watch this video about a martial artist who has to dress up in his space bug costume in order to fight Starfish Hitler in the forest, which is a type of Hitler that can shape-shift into a starfish (or is it a type of starfish that can shape-shift into a Hitler?), they think “Oh, LOL,” or “I don’t like documentaries.” Not me. What I think is, “OH GREAT, you’re telling me that now when I complete construction on my time machine I have to go back in time and KILL HITLER but first I have to stop in 1970s Japan to KILL STARFISH HITLER, too?” That is what I think when I watch this. Because I’m an idiot.