This morning on the Today Show, Bill Clinton appeared alongside…Mindy Kaling? I honestly have no idea what this was even about and I don’t want to find out because it’s way more fun to USE YOUR IMAGINATION. The former leader of the free world and one of the most famous philanderers in history, and, uh, MIndy Kaling. Sure. Like I said, I’m the one who doesn’t know (and doesn’t want to know, I TOLD YOU) what is happening here, but I bet everyone who watched the segment this morning was just like, “yes, this makes sense, and I understand why it’s happening.” And now everyone reading this blog post this afternoon is like, “yes, I’m going to caption this.”

Winner will receive an internship at the White House (GET IT? 2011!) special mention in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. (Photo via Videogumblr.)

On this morning’s Today Show, the whole cast dressed up as…the royal family…at the royal wedding? Huh. I guess they couldn’t be the Chilean miners because there aren’t enough of them? Was that the reason they weren’t the Chilean miners? Dressing up as the royal wedding is weird stuff, dudes. Especially when Matt Lauer is Prince William and Anne Curry is Kate Middleton? What is even going on at that point? It’s like watching your dad dress up as Ned Beatty in Deliverance and your mom dress up as the Appalachian forest goblin who rapes Ned Beatty in Deliverance. (Oh, SPOILER ALERT: that movie came out in 1972.) Does anyone want to see that, N/N? Our scientific poll found that 100 percent of respondents don’t want to see that. Matt Lauer. Wash your face, man! Fix your eyes! Something’s up with your eyes! Those are straight up HORROR EYES! Don’t steal no more souls, Matt Lauer, you got enough. (Brian Williams would never do this to us.) (Anderson Cooper would do even worse.)

NEW YORK (AP) — Katie Couric has worked morning TV, the evening news and will now enter the world of daytime talk in the post-Oprah Winfrey era.

ABC announced Monday a multiyear-deal with Couric to produce the talk show, set to bow in September 2012. She will work for ABC News in the interim.

YOU GET A SHOW! AND YOU GET A SHOW! AND YOU GET A SHOW! That was my Oprah impression, did you get it? R.I.P. Oprah. You are in heaven now, trying to convince the angels about the nature of your relationship with Gayle. Anyway, Katie Couric’s new show! Just what America needs, another daytime talk show! Ellen and Rachael Ray and the ladies of The View and Martha Stewart and Wendy Williams have all signed a joint statement that just says: “FINALLY!” But what should the show be called? I was thinking it should be called Katie Couric Presents Her Legs* but that might be too UPSCALE.

*JK JK JK. But also, before you get too upset about Katie Couric not being taken seriously, let’s remember that she is the one leaving the Nightly News to do a daytime talkshow, and that before she hosted the Nightly News she built her career on doing pre-morning segments on the best way to wash barbecue sauce stains out of your baby’s capri pants, SO.

WINNING, DUH, BUH BYE! Wait, serious question: is Donald Trump sick? Like, brain sickness? Is he? He might be. And that would help explain a lot. What is even going on here? Let’s all agree that his fake-embarrassed bragging about Celebrity Apprentice (as the reason why he can’t…run for president?) is INSANE but even more insane is his completely unfounded “birther” argument filled with so many strawmen that it is a fire hazard (ding dong, I’m sorry). Seriously, though, in addition to the birther thing being both nonsense AND racist, you can’t just claim that Barack Obama wasn’t born in this country because you “have people looking into it.” What? ON EARTH? But easily my favorite part of the entire interview comes right after him talking about how Barack Obama never made any deals and was not a “dealman” (unlike all of our other famous “dealman” presidents? Also what is a “dealman”?) But oh man, when Meredith asks him how HE would resolve the current budget impasse that threatens to shut down the government and he says: “I’d get everybody together and we’d have a budget.” That is THE BEST. I take it all back. Good President. Can I vote for him twice?

Vieira, who seamlessly took the reins opposite Matt Lauer nearly five years ago, is said to be considering leaving the [Today show] when her reported $11 million annual contract expires in September. According to sources, Vieira, 57, has tired of the grueling lifestyle and would like to spend more time with her ill husband.

“There is going to be an opening; she’s done,” says one source with knowledge of the situation. Another suggests she is still making her decision but that re-upping looks unlikely.

Although NBC News executives proved adept at the host transition when 15-year veteran Katie Couric stepped down in 2006, Vieira’s departure would nonetheless create a void at the dominant morning franchise — and an opportunity for rivals to pounce. In addition to being among the longest-running programs, Today has been the top-rated morning show for nearly 800 consecutive weeks (or more than 15 years).

I really hope when they say her “ill husband” they just mean her husband is sick. No, like, siiiiiiiick. Not, like, sick. Yikes! Get well soon, Mr. Vieira! Of course, we need to prepare ourselves for ANY outcome, including the chance that Meredith Vieira might not renew her contract and a replacement will need to be found. Who should it be? Might I make a suggestion?

Read More...

“Have you heard of Anton Blobblum? He seems nice.” — Your mom.

R.I.P. Antoine Dodson Meme (2010-2010).

(Via EpicPonyz.)

Liar! J’ACCUSE!

First of all, some woman living with her parents on Staten Island who’s having trouble finding a job doesn’t just BECOME A TV PRODUCER. And if she does just BECOME A TV PRODUCER, there is no sympathy for her being “overworked” and “underpaid” because SHE IS A TV PRODUCER. “I’m so frazzled by this highly competitive job definitely fell into my lap and that I probably saw an ad for on Craigslist because Hollywood gets it.” But more importantly, this trailer (and also probably movie) is a liar because a morning talk show in which Harrison Ford and Diane Keaton have snipey arguments about pap smears on the air is a morning show that EVERYONE would watch. Hoda and Kathie Lee would quit the ninth hour of the Today Show because they would want to be home in time to watch Daybreak. FACT.

On his retirement after 30 Rock: “I’m done in 2012. In March 2012 I’ll wake up and say, ‘What am I going to do now? Am I done?’ I think I will be done. I may finish a play or something, but I’m retiring at the wrap party.”

This is probably some thing where that’s the date his contract has been planned to end all along, or maybe he was just doing his Alec Baldwin-has-no-filter thing, but SAY IT ISN’T SO. Alec Baldwin is the best thing on TV right now, and they’re not going to make another one by 2012. I know that’s almost three years away, but seriously, that is scary news. I guess it’s hard to think of 30 Rock ever ending, and they can’t go on without him.

But there’s a silver lining-ish part to this interview, which is this really awesome quote:

Read More...

Read More...