Videogum » The Gathering Of The Juggalos

Juggalos Throw Feces At Tila Tequila

Gabe — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 13:45:01 +0000

As you all know, this weekend as the 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos. It was, as the Juggalos are constantly reminding us, a chance for a group of like-minded people who enjoy the same kind of music and hayrides to get together and celebrate their shared passion. And also to throw rocks and feces at other human beings. From the AP:

A sheriff says reality TV actress Tila Tequila complained that audience members pelted her with stones and feces during an outdoor music festival in southern Illinois.

The sheriff also said one man stabbed another, though not fatally.

STONES AND ALSO FECES! Also this, from CNN:

“She’s pretty cut up,” said a performer who saw the violence at the “Gathering of the Juggalos” in rural Hardin County, Illinois. The witness asked not to be identified so that he does not anger the juggalos.

A performer who saw the violence that was perpetrated by thousands of people in a public space doesn’t want to be identified as just straight-forwardly admitting that he saw a thing that everyone knows happened, for fear of angering the Juggalos? WAIT A SECOND, WHOSE WORLD IS THIS? Look, I’m no Tila Tequila apologist, but GOOD GRIEF, MY NINJAS. TMZ has video of her unfortunate appearance, and the only time the crowd stops throwing shit (literally) at her face is when they break to chant “SHOW YOUR TITS!” What a fun festival! What a fun celebration of the wonderful music of Psychopathic Records.

Don’t these people realize Tila went to high school with Sugar Slam?

The 11th Annual Gathering Of The Juggalos 17 Minute-Long Infomercial

Gabe — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 13:30:51 +0000

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, my ninjas.

Is it just me, or has the Gathering of the Juggalos become self-aware in a way that is alarming? Is the Gathering of the Juggalos our generation’s SkyNet? For one thing, the lineup of the musicians at this year’s event is unapproachable. There are actual rap legends performing at this thing (and also Afroman). Hannibal Buress is performing this year? Please be careful, Hannibal Buress! Moreover, they definitely seem to be in on the joke at this point in a way that takes most of the fun out of it. Oh well. But also, let’s be honest: they are not in on the joke in a way that takes ALL the fun out of it. There is so much fun in this joke still!

For example:

The 10th Annual Gathering Of The Juggalos: Remembered

Gabe — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 11:13:36 +0000

As quickly as it came, it was gone. You feel me, ninjas? It’s hard to believe that four days of helicopter rides, men on stilts, barbecue, and rape could fly by so quickly. If only there was a way to freeze time and stay in a perfect moment forever! But there is no such way.

Of course, we were all too crunked (or whatever the word is that Juggalos use that means crunked. “Very high on methamphetamines”?) to have documented any of it. Besides, no one wanted that detachment from the experience. If you’re photographing the moment, you’re not living the moment, you know what I mean, motherfucker? Luckily, artist (whatever that means) Derek Erdman was there to capture some of our memories on film, where we can enjoy them all over again, and again, and again, forever. He didn’t even seem like that much of a neden hole! Mostly a nice dude. If you put some 10-gauge plugs in his ears and tattooed a spider on his throat, he would have reminded me of your mom.

Anyway, after the jump, a trip (oh man, tripping BALLLZ) down memory lane.

You Can Make It Up: Paula Abdul Attends The Gathering Of The Juggalos

Gabe — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:39:48 +0000

Finding herself with an increased amount of spare time to fill, and having run out of walls to blankly stare at, Paul Abdul figured she should get out of the house. It had been a long summer, what with starring in that Austrian documentary about fashion, and then the whole American Idol thing, or as she liked to say to her assistants and family, American Who-dol, like, as if she didn’t know what American Idol was, even though she did know what it was, because she had been on it. It was a TV show. Every time Paula Abdul said American Who-dol to someone, she would laugh for an uncomfortably long time and then she would burst into tears. But people were glad to see her laughing. The tears, at this point, were commonplace. Paula Abdul asked her publicist if she could borrow her cell phone, because Paula’s was out of minutes, and she called up her best friend, sack of russet potatoes.

“Hello, best friend, it’s me Paula! Hi! I love you!” Paula shouted manically into the phone.

The sack of russet potatoes said nothing.

The Gathering Of The Juggalos Survival Guide

Gabe — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 12:54:52 +0000

Obviously, you’re going to the 10th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos*. It’s your gathering. Everyone is going. Your mom is like, “hold on, let me just grab my diaphragm, my neck pillow, and my hunting knife.” But if you’ve never been to the Gathering before, you can’t just, like, GO to the Gathering. You have to know the ropes! There are a lot of ropes. What, did you think it was all just men on stilts and helicopter rides? This is a family. Even if you’ve been to the Gathering since it began, 10 years ago (sometimes Juggalos aren’t so good at the math, so I did it for you), it’s still useful to brush up on some survival tips. Luckily, YouTube user cdowg 187 recorded a 23-minute tutorial on how to survive the weekend. Because, you know, not everyone who goes to the Gathering is a good person and shit. Some of the pro-tips you will learn:

If you see someone who is littering or tearing up the park, jump them. Don’t beat their ass, but jump them.
For the Juggalettes who might be going to the Gathering who are under 18, don’t show your tits. We don’t want Chris Hansen showing up.
If you are smoking speed, don’t even think of driving.
If you’re going to be sharing your alcohol with people and stuff, make sure they are above the age of 18. (The same goes for if you’re smoking bud.)

Do you even know about JUGGALO NIGHT COURT? They ain’t ready (they=you).