OK, sure, maybe those 49 second pizzas aren’t really going to taste very good. And OK, maybe the world’s fastest gun reloader is terrifying even without such a terrifying skill, but with such a terrifying skill he is terrifying to the log 10 power of yikes.And OK, maybe some of this stuff just really doesn’t matter, and the amount of time that it takes you to master getting out of your clothes in seven seconds could probably have been spent doing something else. But, like, what? Reading a book? YOU CAN’T TAKE READING WITH YOU WHEN YOU DIE! Although the cup-stacking thing seriously just gives me a heart-attack. Like, sweat prickles on my neck anytime I see that. I don’t know why it makes me so nervous. And we can argue all day about the potential merits or un-merits of speed undressing, but cup-stacking is some Executive Level Elite Class Time Wasting. But you know what? We all have to make it through the day. Whatever it takes!

And these guys all do that stuff faster than anyone. And that’s something. So quick round of applause for these guys. And then they all have to get back to their just-as-lonely-as-you-might-expect-homes to practice. (Via TheDailyWhat.)

I’d like to thank Horrible People for teaching me what it means to scream “DON’T INTERRUPT ME WHEN I’M WATCHING MY STORIES,” and if I could just take a moment and give the biggest ups to creator A.D. Miles for triumphantly ending this series with the Hammacher Schlemmer‘s Best Twist Ending. I’m sure we are all looking forward to his Comedy Central collaboration with Zach Galifianakis, Speed Freaks, which, quite honestly, I’ve never been more excited for a show’s potential based on one photograph.