Videogum » Southwest Airlines

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Kevin Smith Still Doesn’t Know Anything About Business

Gabe — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 14:30:51 +0000

Professional airplane-get-kicked-off-er, Kevin Smith, premiered his new movie Red State at the Sundance Film Festival this year, along with his novel method for distributing the film. Well, first he had a fake auction? But it was a joke? So he burned all the SUITS! Haha. Take that, SUITS! I guess instead of selling the movie to a movie company he’s going to post it in five-minute installments on Twitter or something. Anyway, in light of this “controversy,” the Hollywood Reporter Weekend Magazine–which, incidentally, SURPRISE, the Hollywood Reporter has a weekend magazine!–has a lengthy article and interview with him, including this quote (which actually comes from his fake auction at Sundance where he said this right to the SUITS’ faces!):

“I never wanted to know jack shit about business,” Smith said. “Ladies and gentleman, I’m a fat, masturbating stoner. … If somebody told me all the stupid, horseshit, soul-killing, uncreative, backwards-ass bullshit business that I now have in my head … It’s too much f—in’ horseshit.”

Uh, you still don’t know anything about business, Kevin Smith? I’m not saying that in a mean way, I’m just saying, like, just because you learned what a movie poster is before you put on your NICEST hockey jersey and your FORMAL jorts doesn’t make you some kind of worker drone, slogging through the mines of Money City. What are you even talking about? The fat, masturbating stoner thing, I GET. The rest of it is just like, uh, ease up. You live in a mansion built on a foundation of boner jokes and spend all day writing Tweets about your wife’s taint. Your idea of dressing up is putting on socks before you put on your checkered Vans. Do you even know HOW to tie a tie? Business. Ha! Mogul get emotional. WHO MOVED KEVIN SMITH’S CHEESE?! LITERALLY!!!!!

This One Is For Kevin Smith

Gabe — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 19:52:30 +0000

After the jump, I have posted a video made by Southwest Airlines in 1986. It’s called “The Just Plane Fun Shuffle,” and it’s terrible. For one thing, it is over nine minutes long. Ugh. The only reason Southwest Airlines put it on-line is in an attempt to capture some of that “viral videos heat.” NOTE TO GIANT CORPORATIONS: if you are going to make hackneyed attempts to appeal to “the kids,” at least do your research. “Viral videos” should be 2-5 minutes long AT MOST. Nine minutes. Ridiculous. And Southwest Airlines has had 24 years to EDIT THIS DOWN. Second of all, when I buy a plane ticket, I buy it based on cost and convenience, not who has the best vintage ironic parody of a thing that was stupid to begin with. No, this whole thing is a FAIL (the CEO of Southwest Airlines can have his great-grandchild SEXT him the definition). But I am posting it here, because I like to imagine Kevin Smith seeing this video and just getting so mad. In his jorts.

Choke on it, Kevin Smith!

24 Reasons Why Kevin Smith Needs To Shut Up Now

Gabe — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 12:57:41 +0000

Look, I can see both sides of the argument in the Kevin Smith vs. Southwest Airlines feud. On the one hand, you have a millionaire movie director posing as an everyman raising a stink about a thing that he was ultimately at least partially responsible for because it’s not like all those snacks ate him. On the other hand, I do understand that the whole situation might elicit emotional support from people who themselves feel ostracized by society, and at the mercy of faceless corporations. And since neither side of this issue has to do with whether or not Kevin Smith makes good movies, it is still possible to remain ambivalent. This is America. We were built on ambivalence.

But it is definitely time for Kevin Smith to shut up now. I mean, it has been time all week. One evening of pointed Twittering seems sufficient to get your point across, whatever that point is, and to shame Southwest Airline employees for following their corporate policy in regards to your giant body. On top of that, Kevin Smith recorded a podcast to REALLY get his story out there. Fair enough, emphasis on the ENOUGH. Kevin Smith’s challenge yesterday to Southwest Airlines to a televised test of his girth was definitely a reason why he should shut up. But now Kevin Smith has provided an astonishing 24 Reasons why he REALLY needs to shut up now:

Operation Kevin Smith Drop, Phase 2

Gabe — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 09:23:00 +0000

Boy. Kevin Smith really will not let this Southwest Air thing go. On the bright side, perhaps he will commit himself to fighting Southwest Air online full time, and retire from making movies. FINGERS CROSSED. In any case, he has now “challenged” Southwest Air to “prove” that he can’t fit in the seats. Finally! Some comical clown justice in this world! I stopped following Kevin Smith on Twitter in January as part of my New Year’s resolution to stop following people who wrote too many tweets about their wife’s taint, but the Huffington Post is on the case:

“Hey @SouthwestAir: you bring that same row of seats to the DailyShow, and I’ll sit in ‘em for all to see on TV,” he tweeted. “If I don’t fit, I’ll donate $10k to charity of your choice. But when I do (& buckle the belt as well)? 1) You admit you lied. 2) Change your policy, or at least re-train your staff to be a lot more human & a lot less corporate when they pull a poor girl off the plane & shame her.”

Hey, Kevin Smith, here is an idea: how about you just give $10k to charity and MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. There is nothing that more quickly demonstrates the upsidedowny misguided priorities and false populism of a celebrity’s self-righteous indignation than when they use a charitable donation that might actually make the world a better place for real human beings as a fucking bargaining tool to get their self-indulgent point across. Like, no matter how embarrassing this whole thing has been for Kevin Smith, fat people fly on planes all the time without his help, and I’m sure Southwest Airlines already IS reviewing their corporate policy, and he’s still a millionaire, and he got to Burbank in the end thank God, and there are actual real problems in this world that require focus and attention, so, you know, relax, HERO.

The TWSS Archives: Southwest Airlines Commercial

Gabe — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 13:02:27 +0000

Date: Spring/Summer 2009
Time: Variable
Location: Broadcast Media
Source: Anonymous Tipster
Description: Airline company uses TWSS as catchphrase. If we lived in an alternate universe in which everyone had a pre-packed suitcase waiting beside an office desk or within a coat closet, where to “grab one’s bag” was a relatively common aspect of modern air travel, then perhaps TWSS would be less obvious and airline would avoid confusion. As it stands, however, we do not live in an alternate universe, and so airline catchphrase is more TWSS than non-TWSS, much like if a popular brand of soda were attempt to coin the catchphrase “Swallow It All,” as if that was a thing people said to each other when they were seeking refreshment. File Under: TESTICLES.