Videogum » Sharks

The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Shark Week!

Gabe — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 21:30:49 +0000

It’s Shark Week! As we all know, you should live every week as if it’s Shark Week, but there’s still only one Official Shark Week, and that week is this week! In honor of that, let’s caption this shark right here. What’s his deal? What’s he thinking? What’s he saying? Or her. Excuse me. I’m no sharkcpert. You won’t see me at the graduation from Sharkiversity up on the dais in my gun metal gown giving out the fin-shaped diplomas. The point is: could be a man shark or a lady shark, I don’t know. So this caption contest will be a real case of he-shark said / she-shark said.

Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. (NOTE: “We’re gonna need a bigger Shark Week bag” is automatically disqualified on account of being unbeatable.)

It’s A Shark With A Penis In Its Mouth Kind Of Day

Gabe — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:11:24 +0000

“You can put this on one of those wacko websites.” Ugh. Do I come down to your work and slap the shark with a penis in its mouth out of your mouth? It’s not my fault that I haven’t received an email in three hours and the biggest news story of the day is how the McAfee corporation is using Jessica Biel to sell anti-virus software. It’s like 28 e-Days iLater around here. Hello? London? (Via Lindsayism.)

Here’s The Gross Thing I Promised: Shark Eats Dead Horse

Lindsay Robertson — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:47:31 +0000

If you watch it against your better judgment, knowing that it’s not something that you want to watch, you’ll be super mad at me. So rather than shock anyone, here’s a description: some guys were on a fishing trip near Fiji, where the found a floating dead horse that had been recently dumped in the water (hey 11 year old girls, the horse almost certainly died of natural causes, okay?). As they’re taping the horse, a shark swims up and does a one-shark feeding frenzy on it. It’s my opinion that this video could easily be on the National Geographic channel, because its appeal (besides childish gross-out appeal, which is there too), is getting the chance to see something we rarely see in nature. And since it’s not a person, and the horse is already dead, and the video is literally of nature taking its course, it’s not THAT terrible, okay? Anyway, all warnings apply!

You Can Make It Up: Jessica Alba Saves The Great White Sharks

Gabe — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 16:44:45 +0000

Jessica Alba stood in a business plaza in downtown Chicago dressed in cargo pants and a bikini top holding a burlap sack. She wore a baseball hat pulled down low and sunglasses to be “incognito,” which was a word she just looked up. It meant, well, to be honest she did not remember what it meant, but the point is that she was it. Incognito. Maybe later she would have her publicist blog about this on her MySpace page so that she could share her knowledge with her fans. Jessica Alba held up the burlap sack.

“GET IN HERE, SHARKS, I AM SAVE YOU!” she shouted.

A friend of hers took a photo of Jessica holding the sack out and shouting, and they glued a copy of that photo onto a baby’s face.

“Get the word out there,” Jessica Alba said to the mother of the baby. She raised her hands into the air in victory. “Victory!” she shouted in the mother’s face. Jessica Alba giggled. Water poured out of her mouth. The mother turned to punch Jessica Alba in the face but Jessica Alba was gone. She was on an airplane.

Jessica Alba Lives Every Week Like It’s Shark Week

Gabe — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 16:18:57 +0000

According to TMZ, Jessica Alba is in some trouble because some photos have surfaced of her putting up shark posters? Around Oklahoma City? Late at night? To increase awareness about great white sharks? Because that’s something that Oklahoma City knows a lot about? (That is not something Oklahoma City knows a lot about?)

The most ridiculous part is that one of the spots she’s accused of tagging was a billboard for the United Way. A rep for the non-profit organization told us although the billboard was donated, they’ll probably have to pay out of their own pocket to replace it. Either way, the U.W. said, “We remain focused on our work rather than this minor distraction.”

So far, cops say no one has filed charges against Alba.

Haha, that victory picture is my favorite. YOU DID IT, JESSICA ALBA! TMZ has already posted an UPDATE explaining that a police report has been filed and that Alba’s representatives have already called the United Way offering to replace the billboard.

Many people might wonder why a movie star would deface public property with wordless posters of sharks as an effort to raise awareness in land-locked city. Luckily for those people we have an exclusive interview with Jessica Alba* after the jump:

“Save Our Cats From Fishermen” Might Be Fake, But It’s Messed Up Either Way

Lindsay Robertson — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 10:35:32 +0000

This video/PSA, in which a Southern Gentleman purports to have seen “rich, white” fishermen use kittens and cats as shark and marlin bait in South America, is starting to get very viral (along with the website saveourcatsfromfishermen.com). To me, it seems fake, especially in light of PETA’s recent “fish are sea-kittens” campaign as well as fishy past reports of similar practices, but the shivering, wet kittens, even if green-screened, are disturbing. So I’m just reporting on a viral video hysteria-trend, here — please be warned that it’s not a fun video. But when your Mom sends this to you next week you can be like “Yeah, welcome to January.”

Oh My God, Lady, You’re Swimming With Sharks

Lindsay Robertson — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:57:49 +0000

It’s almost impossible to watch this helicopter footage from yesterday of swimmers on a California beach just minding their own business and not freaking out as a school of sharks lurks just a few feet away without screaming at the screen:

At first I thought the lady saw the sharks and was just a badass scientist or someone who knows a lot about that type of shark, but no. Run away!