Videogum » Sexman

“Fix The Oil Spill,” Says Sexman

Gabe — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 13:32:12 +0000

Look who finally broke his LEGENDARY silence about the worst oil spill in United States history*. Headphones UP:

You have to give Sexman some credit for this one. Because even though I would much rather here him talk about how Jaden Smith doesn’t use enough kill-moves in The Karate Kid, or whatever, he does have a point: the engineers should definitely fix the oil spill and stop sitting around thinking they are so smart. Have the engineers even seen the photos of the birds covered in oil? Fix it, engineers! But also, I just appreciate someone who complains about something OTHER THAN HIMSELF.

Sexman: 1
Coppercab: 0

(Thanks for the tip, Brandon.)

*Easily the most depressing thing about the oil spill is the inevitable “United States history” qualifier used in every news report. Because that means it continues to not be the worst oil spill in the history of, you know, ALL OF THEM. Yikes.

50 Cent On The Tonight Show

Gabe — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:31:54 +0000

50 Cent finally breaks his legendary silence about his relationship with the Internet’s Sexman. And more.

Worlds Been Had Colliding: 50 Cent And Sexman Edition

Gabe — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 15:14:14 +0000

50 Cent made another of his impenetrably bizarre vlogs last week (although slightly less impenetrably bizarre than when he wears his Pimpin Curly costume and has nonsensical schizophrenic fights with himself) and this time he had a special guest vlogger: the Internet’s own Sexman! Together, they’re like an Elite Fighting Force called V.L.O.G.G.E.R.Z. who battle the coherency and discernible motivations of the world.

Hahaha, WHUUUUT? “It is Gay Pride week, so I flew the 14-year-old butt of a thousand on-line jokes in from Canada to sit on a midtown balcony and stutter into the camera.” At some point the world is probably just going to collapse from the communal weight of everyone shrugging their shoulders because they’ve simultaneously given up on trying to figure out what the hell is going on around here. (It’s called science, look it up.) (Thanks for the tip, Kelly and Ben and Andrew.)

Sexman Breaks His Legendary Silence On The Chris Brown/Rihanna Scandal

Gabe — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 09:09:46 +0000

Obviously, this is a very sensitive subject. Domestic violence is a serious crime that affects tens of thousands of people. Sexman, being the consummate professional that he is, remained silent for the first 24 hours, but he has finally come forward with his expert and well-reasoned opinion. He’s heard one of Chris Brown’s songs before, you know, the one that goes “with you with you with youuuu”? That one? Haven’t you heard that famous, super-recognizable Chris Brown song before? Anyway, Sexman is always getting invited to be the keynote speaker at Chris Brown conferences because of how he’s such an expert, so it’s incredible for people like us to get to experience his wisdom without spending $2,500 a plate to sit in some hotel ballroom, eating boiled chicken. Plus, FREE X-BOX LIVE POINTS! It’s nice to see someone using this cautionary tale of personal tragedy and domestic abuse to raise awareness about free X-Box Live points. If Sexman can change just one person’s life with free X-Box Live points, then a woman he knows nothing about getting beaten up and threatened with death by someone he also knows nothing about but feels comfortable describing as “totally gay” will all have been worth it.

Sexman, everybody. Professor of Studies at the University of Huh?

Happy First Internetiversary, Sexman

Gabe — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 09:24:03 +0000

On the one hand, I can’t believe it’s already been a year since we first met Sexman, and on the other hand I can’t believe it’s ONLY been a year since we first met Sexman. Kid is of the ages. Normally, on an occasion I’d be tempted to give him some kind of accolade or reward for all his hard work. But if what he’s saying is true, if Sexman has actually racked up more than six million views and 15,000 subscribers over the past year, he doesn’t need what I can offer. So I will just leave him with this: CAREFUL ABOUT THAT SUN, BABY ICARUS.

Oh Well, Here Come The Vlogs

Gabe — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 08:56:40 +0000

Incredible. With the exception of scanning actual news sources for updated information on the too-close-to-call Senate races or the fate of Proposition 8 in California, you almost want to pull the plug on the whole internet to keep it from messing this feeling up with its silliness and petulant irrelevance. Oh, whoops. Too late.

No, not too late! Sexman’s enthusiasm is contagious! OBAMA! Although I think we can all agree to be a little more generous towards the McCain/Palin camp now. (Or at least the McCain camp. Palin is on her own.) More generous than Sexman. Do not use Sexman as your moral or attitudinal compass is what I am saying. Duh is what I am saying.

Sexman Reviews Law & Order: SVU, FINALLY

Gabe — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 09:15:41 +0000

The thing about Sexman is that he never fails to surprise. Just when you think that he’s taken his vlog as far as it can go, he chooses a new topic to spit truth like hot fire on, and that topic will never be the same. He did it with John McCain, he did it with the issue of outsourcing jobs, and he did it with the first day of school. Now he’s doing it with Law & Order: SVU:

“I guess he was malnourished by his mom because she had just been raped so she had trauma.” I cannot wait until Sexman reviews the humanitarian crisis in Darfur (I can wait, please let me keep waiting).

When You Wrestle With The Sexman, You’re Going To Get Wet With Braces

Gabe — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 10:41:02 +0000

When you’re a kid, you’re taught that bullies only taunt you because they have low self-esteem. It’s not until much later that you realize bullies only taunt you because they can, and it’s fun. Self-esteem. Come on. Who has self-esteem? Anyway, sexman finally got braces.

Oh, that’s totally going to shut the haters up. Perfect. Sexman is like the Eminem of teen vloggers. He lays it all out there so that you’ve got no ammo left. Hippidi-hoo-blah.

Sexman Steals My Dark Knight Review

Gabe — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 09:10:57 +0000

God damn it. I saw Dark Knight last night, and stayed up until three in the morning writing a review of it only to find out that Sexman had already posted his review, and they are word for word exactly the same.

Actually, there’s one main difference. The part where Sexman says “But with this one, Batman is a vigilante, and he’s like a hero. Well, police, some police, the police commissioner likes him and stuff, but some peop–, he’s a…inspiration and hope. Uh, to the people,” in my review I wrote “But with this one, Batman is a, uh, vigilante, and he’s like a hero, and stuff. Well, police, the police, some police, a police, all police, the police guy likes him, but some people he’s, people, and hope. You know?” But that’s the only difference. Everything else is verbatim the same.

Seriously, though, you guys, Dark Knight! What a great movie. I can’t believe no one’s talking about it.

Movie Review: “He Gets Into His Shoes And He’s The Character For The Whole Movie”

Gabe — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 16:12:18 +0000

This child who reviews movies on YouTube calls himself sexman and while he’s waiting for that name to have any kind of meaning at all, he discovered swear words! Here is his review of Jumper (via goldenfiddle):

That is a good movie review. The movie, in case you didn’t hear, is “a hunk of shit,” and Samuel L. Jackson, who is the best at using the word “motherfucker” in all the movies, didn’t even use the word “motherfucker” one time in this movie, WHICH HE COULD HAVE IF THEY WOULD HAVE LET HIM.

I seriously will be following this kid because I like his style and also because it will be funny when he eats all the popcorn.