Videogum » Scandal

Ashton Kutcher FINALLY Breaks His Legendary Silence About The Joe Paterno Something Or Other

Gabe — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 16:00:37 +0000

Some guy named Joe Paterno has been causing quite a stir in the sports world because something something child molestation or I’m not sure and also short eyes, dark hearts, can’t YIKES. Ashton Kutcher tweeted about it, because the sun shines and rain gets you wet. It’s a whole thing. I don’t have any idea.

Thank You, Danny Masterson, For Providing Us With This New Inside Joke

Gabe — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 14:15:38 +0000

Danny Masterson (That ’70s Show, Scientology) has been the victim of real estate investment fraud! This story is very boring but there is a reason I am posting it so please bear with me! From TMZ:

[Danny] Masterson — who considers himself “unsophisticated” in real estate — claims he went into business with a company called TomatoBank … and agreed to co-sign a $3.2 million loan for a fancy 4-story condo in Toluca Lake, CA in 2007.

But according to docs filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Masterson claims the builders ran into some permit issues — so TomatoBank secretly approved a 3-story structure instead … all without telling Danny.

Of course, Masterson eventually found out — and now claims he’s screwed because he’s on the hook for a $3.2 million loan … but only has an unfinished 3-story building to show for it … which obviously doesn’t cover his debt.

So, Danny is asking the court to force TomoatoBank to cover his losses — and wants his loan agreement tossed in the garbage.

Celebrities are just like us! You know how we are, constantly sinking millions of dollars into condominium projects only to find that the terms of the project have been changed without our knowledge. I HATE when the four-story condo I am investing in turns out to be a THREE-story condo. Classic thing to happen to almost everyone. Of course, our thoughts and prayers are with Danny Masterson and his family during this difficult time. But also: TomatoBank? LOLOLOLOL. “Who do I make this check for 3.5 MILLION DOLLARS out to? TomatoBank? That sounds totally legitimate and like a good name for a company. Are you sure you don’t want a BIGGER check, Mr. Tomato?” I’m sorry we had to go through all this, because I know we are not in Real Estate Scam Law School (real thing, probably, look it up), but when I start making TONS of TomatoBank references, I want everyone to know what I am talking about. Sometimes you just have to file stuff in the archives. It’s called journalism.

LeBron James Moving To Miami OR: Rachel Bilson Pumping Gas

Gabe — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 15:47:33 +0000

Last night, the sports world sat rapt as ESPN broadcast LeBron James’s LIVE announcement of his decision about something to do with sportsketball. I don’t know. I mean, I know that he played for the Cleveland Hoopsketshooters and I also know that he is now going to be playing for the Miami Pro Team, but I’m not actually sure what the scandal is? Because it seems like there is a scandal? People mad! I have not seen a single thing saying that LeBron James moving to Miami is a good thing, and everyone is also upset that he milked this situation for maximum attention, which is hilarious, because even as someone who does not follow sports at all, I’m very well aware that professional athletes ENJOY ATTENTION. No duh. In any case, you can watch his announcement here, and discuss your genuine human emotions over the situation. OR: we can discuss this photo taken yesterday (big day!) of Rachel Bilson pumping gas into her car (Toyota Prius, if you want to know). Where is SHE going? How do people feel about HER big move?

You are also allowed to discuss how you feel about both situations if you want, of course, because I am sure they are equally provocative, emotional, and important.

Videogum’s Teen Korner: The Taylor Lautner Abs Drama

Gabe — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 17:49:18 +0000

Yo yo yo yo yo yo!

Guys who know that you can have an openly deep and meaningful emotional relationship with another man without worrying about what other people will think because the important thing is being honest with yourself and homophobia is for losers, and girls who enjoy cooking because it’s fun and delicious and creative and NOT because someone else expects you to enjoy it, we have heard some news today that is a total summer bummer and very harsh on all of our chills. Uncool Ranch! But part of being an awesome teen with a future that is as bright as he or she is willing to make it is being able to face the truth, no matter how painful.

The news is in regards to Taylor Lautner, star of both Twilight: New Moon and the torn out magazine pages taped to the inside of your locker. There is no way to sugarcoat this, and I don’t think you would respect me very much if I did. Teens can sense posers from a skate park away. It has to do with his abs, homies.

Operation Kevin Smith Drop, Phase 2

Gabe — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 09:23:00 +0000

Boy. Kevin Smith really will not let this Southwest Air thing go. On the bright side, perhaps he will commit himself to fighting Southwest Air online full time, and retire from making movies. FINGERS CROSSED. In any case, he has now “challenged” Southwest Air to “prove” that he can’t fit in the seats. Finally! Some comical clown justice in this world! I stopped following Kevin Smith on Twitter in January as part of my New Year’s resolution to stop following people who wrote too many tweets about their wife’s taint, but the Huffington Post is on the case:

“Hey @SouthwestAir: you bring that same row of seats to the DailyShow, and I’ll sit in ‘em for all to see on TV,” he tweeted. “If I don’t fit, I’ll donate $10k to charity of your choice. But when I do (& buckle the belt as well)? 1) You admit you lied. 2) Change your policy, or at least re-train your staff to be a lot more human & a lot less corporate when they pull a poor girl off the plane & shame her.”

Hey, Kevin Smith, here is an idea: how about you just give $10k to charity and MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. There is nothing that more quickly demonstrates the upsidedowny misguided priorities and false populism of a celebrity’s self-righteous indignation than when they use a charitable donation that might actually make the world a better place for real human beings as a fucking bargaining tool to get their self-indulgent point across. Like, no matter how embarrassing this whole thing has been for Kevin Smith, fat people fly on planes all the time without his help, and I’m sure Southwest Airlines already IS reviewing their corporate policy, and he’s still a millionaire, and he got to Burbank in the end thank God, and there are actual real problems in this world that require focus and attention, so, you know, relax, HERO.

Hey, What’s Up With Lou Dobbs?

Gabe — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 09:09:43 +0000

Relax, Lou Dobbs, who is obviously reading this, and going into rampant speculation about what it might mean for his future: you are not getting your own Videogum column. Nice try, OLD MAN! But as you may have heard, Lou Dobbs left CNN yesterday. Not only that, but he left abruptly, and he left entirely. From the AP:

CNN’s Lou Dobbs, a lightning rod for criticism following his transition from a business journalist to an opinionated anchor on such issues as illegal immigration, told viewers on Wednesday that he was quitting his nightly show to pursue new opportunities.

“This will be my last broadcast,” Dobbs said after giving the day’s headlines. Dobbs, who hosts a daily radio show unrelated to CNN, said the network had allowed him to be released early from his contract.

Whoa! And I mean “whoa!” in the strictest Joey Lawrence definition of the word. Now, the New York Times is positing that this is a pretty simple career decision, based on a directive from CNN president Jonathan Klein. “Mr. Dobbs could vent his opinions on radio and anchor an objective newscast on television, or he could leave CNN.” So Lou Dobbs decided to abandon his role as an actual journalist to pursue his career as a moron, posits the New York Times. But I am positing (always be positing) that the New York Times doesn’t know what the heck it is talking about (as per usual) and that Lou Dobbs is leaving because of a CRAZY SCANDAL!

David Letterman Is Sorry That He Fucked That Lady, You Guys

Gabe — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 12:02:05 +0000

Sorry, I know this is already OLD NEWS in Internet Time, but I am on California Time, also known as Fresh Squeezed Grapefruit Juice Time. BREAKING: it’s delicious! Anyway, Dave spent most of his show last night referencing the whole “OK but I’m still doing a little better than Roman Polanski, though, right, you guys?” thing. You have to admit, a personal/professional life melt-down like this is rare to see! Although strangely not as rare as you might think! But anyway, it is like watching a slow-motion train wreck, if train wreck’s were sarcastic and hilarious.

Here is Dave cracking wise (and cracking a little ) in his monologue:

And here he is apologizing to his wife and the rest of his staff on air:

A Woman May Have Shown Her Human Vagina On So You Think You Can Dance?!

Gabe — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:11:11 +0000

Admittedly, I am a little late on this one, mostly because I don’t watch So You Think You Can Dance?. Nor do I regularly keep tabs on BREAKING So You Think You Can Dance? news. Personally, I prefer my dancing to be done by people who KNOW they can dance. But it is being reported that a young woman on last night’s episode may have flashed her dangerous human vagina on national television. Dlisted reports that the show’s head judge and producer never meant for things to happen this way:

Nigel Lythgoe, the head judge and executive producer, had this to say about the cat being let out of the bag: “None of us knew she did this. The show was always designed to expose talent, but not in this way.”

I get it. Expose?! AS IN EXPOSE YOUR VAGINA INSTEAD OF YOUR TALENT?! You get it now. It just took some explaining. Anyway, the HuffingtonPost put up the video (after the jump) which is basically the Zapruder Film of dance-based reality competition TV minus assassination and plus potential momentary glimpse of disgusting and wicked human female vagina. It is genuinely hard to tell! (I think there were three vaginas. I’m not buying the government’s “magic vagina” theory.)

NeNe Leakes Is Definitely Broke, Says This Lady

Gabe — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 09:36:04 +0000

Defamer dug up this local news clip from FOX 5 that goes IN DEPTH into the NeNe Leakes eviction scandal. The first couple minutes just remind us of what we already know, that NeNe and husband Greg do not live in the rental home they lived in on the show, and that they were evicted due to unpaid rent. But then they track down a woman in Kentucky, Pat Nelson, who claims that Greg is nothing better than a slumlord, as evidenced by a torn screen door, and then goes on to claim that a house she put under the management of Greg’s company ended up filled with MICE and GARBAGE, and that there was HUMAN WASTE on the patio. Yikes!