Videogum » Rip Torn

You Can Make It Up: Rip Torn Gambles On The Puppy Bowl

Gabe — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 16:33:18 +0000

Rip Torn’s eyes would barely open and his face was a ravaged, haggard, stubbly mess. His chapped lips stuck together, and the pavement had left a red, mottled impression against his cheek. He looked around blearily, barely able to focus on the parking lot where he had spent the night. With a swollen hand he absently brushed Archway cookie crumbs from his hawaiian shirt, and then smoothed out his wild scarecrow hair. There were holes in his pants, but at least today he was wearing pants. It was important to be thankful for the little things.

Rip Torn struggled to his feet and stood wobbling for a moment in the cold afternoon light. He braced himself against a lightpole until he felt confident enough to move, but soon realized his confidence was built on a foundation of self-denial, and he stopped for another long while. He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten, and the Craft Services leftovers he’d taken home from his last movie had disappeared long ago. But Rip Torn did not know when he would eat again. Besides, who could eat on a day like this? If the folded up complimentary 2010 calendar he had picked up from a car mechanic’s waiting room was right, the starting line-up for this year’s Puppy Bowl had just been announced!

Rip Torn needed a quarter, and fast.

Connecticut Deserves A Better Class Of Criminal

Gabe — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 10:11:00 +0000

Uh oh. Rip Torn got into some mildly hilarious trouble over the weekend. From the AP:

Actor Elmore “Rip” Torn has been charged with breaking into a Connecticut bank and carrying a loaded handgun while intoxicated.

State police say the 78-year-old Salisbury resident was arrested Friday night after police found him inside the Litchfield Bancorp with a loaded revolver.

Last year, Torn was given probation in a Connecticut drunken driving case and granted permission to enter an alcohol education program. He also has two previous drunken driving arrests in New York.

Alcoholism is a serious disease and nothing to smirk at or make fun of, BUT it is hard not to at least SMILE INWARDLY at the thought of Rip Torn sitting at home with a glass of scotch, surrounded by his collectors’ Men in Black memorabilia, lazily spinning a handgun on a tabletop until finally he just shrugs and says “Fuck it, I should rob a bank.” UH, WHAT? I hope that the courts have the humanity and the foresight to get Rip Torn the help that he needs before we end up with another Tom Sizemore highlighter-bandit on our hands.

Councilman Apologizes To Rip Torn For Thinking Rip Torn Looks Like A Sexual Predator

Gabe — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:13:59 +0000

This AP news story about a City Councilman apologizing to Rip Torn is funny with very little information:

City Councilman Chris Monzel has publicly apologized to Emmy-winning actor Rip Torn for using his mug shot in a campaign ad on crime.

Right? Using Rip Torn’s mug shut in a campaign ad on crime is funny. I can’t tell you how many letters I’ve written to my councilman demanding that the streets be cleaned up of all this Rip Torn. But the more you find out, the funnier it gets. For one, the councilman was running for office in Ohio, and the mug shot was taken after a drunk driving arrest in New York, so I’m pretty sure Rip Torn is not a threat to Chris Monzel’s constituents. But it’s Monzel’s detailed apology and explanation that really get the LOLs.

August: The First Internet Millionaire Fantasy Thriller

Lindsay Robertson — Tue, 27 May 2008 15:23:40 +0000

Can a caper movie about a young start-up millionaire whose investor has lost faith in his webpage be interesting? From this trailer for August, out July 15 and starring Josh Hartnett as a young CEO of something broadband-related called “Land Shark,” it seems the answer is maybe. The stakes are pretty low (“Will he keep his fancy car?”) and it probably should have come out a few years ago, but it does star David Bowie as the investor and Rip Torn as an old guy who doesn’t understand how much money is on the internet. Web millionaires now have their own Behind The Music:

You know who will definitely see this movie? The College Humor dudes.