This is just a great way to market your new perfume, Justin Bieber. Dads will love it, and daughters will get it. Everyone’s happy. (The question of WHY you have a PERFUME in the first place will have to wait until another time. This is just for dads right now. Get out of here, moms!) So, just to clarify, dads should appreciate Justin Bieber because their daughters are unhealthily obsessing over him instead of getting ROCKED by the dude next door? EEEK! And, like, not just rocked, but, like, SCREAMS OF ECSTASY rocked. Johnny Next Door is a real pro. You know, dads. It’s awful when you hear your daughter’s sex screams, but they grow up so fast. Buy my perfume. THE FUCK?! (Via ONTD.)

There were some dark and lonely moments to be sure, but it was all worth it. We fucking did it, you guys.

It’s possible that you didn’t know it meant that, though, because this is our first Friday giveaway. First of many. Every Friday until the end of the world, give or take. So here we go!

This Friday we’ll help you adress the problem of your “signature scent.” Sometimes it can be hard to find your “signature scent.” You can only take so many (three) perfume/cologne samples from Sephora at once, and you get a good two weeks or so out of that, but what happens when the two weeks are over? You smell like garbage again. So we’d like to provide you with the chance to own an entire bottle of Que ($24.95 value/priceless), which is either perfume or cologne, it is kind of unclear.

To enter to win, what you have to do is:

1. “Like” us on Facebook.
2. Login to comment with your Facebook account.
3. Comment with the food you would choose to smell like, if you had to smell like one food for the rest of your life.

Comments must be submitted by Wednesday, June 22, 6PM EST. Only submit once! And then a winner will be chosen at random. Yay!

If you are lucky enough to win the bottle of Que, though, THE FUN DOESN’T END. What you will then do is wear the cologne/perfume around a member of gender you prefer to date, maybe even you’ll wear it ON a date, document your experience, and then we will post here on Videogum for everyone in the world to read. What an exciting barbetunity! Good luck!

Uhhhhhh. Before watching this “commercial” I would have thought that a barbecue-themed perfume that smells like “an intoxicating bouquet of spices, smoke, meat, and sweet summer sweat” would have been the most ridiculous thing, but it turns out the most ridiculous thing is the creators of a barbecue-themed perfume’s idea of what a blind date is like. “Why can’t she just talk about sports?” “I don’t even think he likes Sex and the City.” What is going on here? Ladies, when you get nervous during your first encounter with a guy at a restaurant known for its fluorescent blue martinis (?!) is the very first thing that comes out of your mouth some manic explanation of how much you like on-line dating, which is surprising, because I didn’t think anyone liked on-line dating? Probably. Oh, ladies. Oh, this perfume. (You aren’t off the hook either, fellas. Why do you want to fuck a rack of ribs so badly? Just kidding, I know why. BECAUSE A RACK OF RIBS WON’T TALK BACK AM I RIGHT TRACY MORGAN?!) Buy some here! (Via LaughingSquid.)

Wusssuuuuup pointers?! It’s cool beans to run with the IN crowd, but before you can be cool to other peeps you’ve got 2 b cool 2 yourself. Don’t do drugs. Playstation 3. To look good on the outside you’ve got to feel good on the inside. Earth Science. You also have to keep your body clean.

Once you feel cool on the inside (just remember, you are a special snowflake and your mom loves you very much) you can start to be very cool on the outside. With perfume. Perfume smells great, and it’s a great way to pretend you’re a real grown up lady with shoes. Maybe you are thinking, “Hey grandpa, I’m not putting no toilet water on my face like some old corpse.” Well what if it was JUSTIN BIEBER TOILET WATER? Now do I have your attention? Snap into a slim bottle of Someday!

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Looks like someone just graduated from the Ashanti School of Parody. From TrendHunter:

To connect with her gay audience, Britney Spears has released an ad for a fake perfume called, “Mo”. The pop princess has been a gay icon for years and inspired drag queens all over the world.

Britney’s satirical video ad was made for Logo network’s NewNowNext TV awards, which celebrates gay culture.

It features her giving the tag line, “One spray and the gays will run your way.”

This is a really great way to “connect” with a gay audience: to play off of cheap stereotypes for a completely unfunny subpar Mad TV sketch. I read somewhere that everyone in the gay community was pitching in 20 dollars to buy her a commemorative solid gold butt plug in appreciation*.

*You might think that a “commemorative solid gold butt plug” is a lazy and unfunny joke that plays off of dull, mildly insulting homosexual stereotypes. Correct. Get it? Like the video is lazy and unfunny and plays off of dull, mildly insulting homosexual stereotypes! It’s called a homoage. (Sorry.)

“A brief in the impossible,” indeed.

This fragrance is dedicated to Barack Obama, Muhammad Ali, Martin Luther King and all you men out there who take care of your families and respect and treat yourself like the Kings that we are all.

Perfect. Hear that Barack Obama? Today’s probably the SECOND biggest victory of your life. If only Martin Luther King Jr. were alive to share in the glory. Also, Kings that we are all? Someone hired a copywriter who went to college to manage their YouTube Descriptions Empire! Except that a lot of us Kings we are not. Including you, Diddy. At best, you’re landed gentry. The Duke of NOTHINGHAM. I Am Zing.