Videogum » Memoirs

Unlucky Outsider Kathy Griffin Sells Memoir For Only 2 Million Dollars

Gabe — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 09:07:30 +0000

Poor Kathy Griffin. She just can’t catch a break. It seems like her whole life has been one long story of struggle and heartbreak. For years, she has been cast in comedic roles on sitcoms and had a lucrative career as a comedian, only to finally get her own show on Bravo, the success of which has earned her new levels of fame and attention. And now she has sold a memoir for only 2 million dollars? It’s like, hasn’t this sad, failed outcast suffered enough? From the NY Observer:

The comedian Kathy Griffin is writing a memoir, and according to three sources with knowledge of the deal, her literary agent at Endeavor, former Dutton editor-in-chief Trena Keating, sold it at auction last week to an editor at Random House’s Ballantine imprint for more than $2 million.

Luckily, no matter how much you pay her, Kathy Griffin will surely paint herself as a lonesome nobody beating on Hollywood’s door from the outside*. “Luckily.”

*This is just a reminder to Kathy Griffin that Videogum would happily stand back and leave you to enjoy your success, lord knows you’ve worked for it, if you would please just drop this D-List schtick. It’s fake, and it’s a lie, and you are rich, and you are famous, so stop playing games. Just own up to the fact that even a crumbling industry grasping at straws to stay relevant has agreed to pay you an exorbitant amount of money for a book you certainly haven’t even begun to write based on the sheer star power of your name. You’ve made it. Stop being such a fucking liar. No? Still going to run with this whole “wah wah, no one likes me, why am I such a loser with nothing but her own show and millions of dollars to keep her company” routine? Have fun at dinner.

You Can Make It Up: Dustin Diamond Works On His Memoirs

Gabe — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:24:07 +0000

Dustin Diamond sat with his back to the typewriter, not wanting to confront the spiritual horror of the blank page. He tamped another thumbfull of tobacco into his pipe, unbuttoned his cardigan, and kicked his feet up onto an antique ottoman that had been a gift from Phillip Roth after the two had gone on a three week Absinthe bender in Prague. He looked out on the cold hearted plains and took a sip from his single malt scotch. The writer’s life was a lonely one indeed, he ruminated to himself. To distill the poetry of existence into a readable prose, that was the alchemy that slipped even from Merlin’s hands. Dustin Diamond shook his head, blew out a smoke ring, and sighed. “OK, Papa Bear,” he said to the night sky, “guide me in this quest.”

Everything I Need To Know I Never Learned Because My Father Wanted To Write A Memoir

Gabe — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:11:52 +0000

There’s a new memoir by David Gilmour coming out called The Film Club in which he allows his son to drop out of high school as long as he agrees to be home schooled by Gilmour, with the curriculum of watching three films a week. Whoops. You should probably name your memoir Tuesdays With The Worst Father. Of course, each of them rediscover the true meaning of the father-son bond, and that it’s a dude in the Crying Game, but I’m most looking forward to the sequel in which the son works at a gas station and the mom is really mad that she ever married David Gilmour. Also, if I remember high school correctly, there are enough lazy teachers that we probably watched more than three movies a week. Just saying.

Admittedly, I have not read it. Maybe it’s so good. But I also didn’t read David Denby’s memoir, and that details his rapid decline into full-on porn addiction following a bitter divorce and some crushing stock market losses, so if I had to choose just one professional film critic’s memoir about terrible decision making to read this year, it’s Team Denby.

(Find out more about The Film Club at Very Short List.)