After a two-week hiatus, Saturday Night Live returned this weekend with host and best guy ever whom I love so much: CHARLIE DAY! What a great idea! I suspected that even if the sketches weren’t particularly great, the show would be buoyed by Charlie’s energy and a bias towards liking him that I (and I’m assuming everyone else in the whole world?) hold. And I wasn’t incorrect! While there certainly were a few stand-out sketches (the detective one, the Kardashian divorce one), the majority were only pretty good + Charlie Day, which made them “very enjoyable.” The only real critique I have (other than that on It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia Charlie’s last name is “Kelly,” which is exciting for me, and I wish that were his name in real life) is that the majority of the sketches (again, aside from the detective one) were pretty tame. There wasn’t really anything too weird or out there, and those tend to be the most memorable and enjoyable sketches. And I really feel like they could’ve taken advantage of Charlie Day to do that more often throughout the show. Oh well. Remember when Danny DeVito was there during the monologue? Let’s remember that together!

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Let me begin by saying that it must be incredibly frustrating to be an artist and feel like you have no control over the way in which your art is used. Like if you were a painter and nobody was buying your paintings but then your WORST ENEMY was like, “I’ll give you $100,000 for that painting.” And it’s like, ugh, it is my worst enemy, but I could really use that $100,000. And then you sell it to them and they display it prominently at a party they throw to raise money for a cause they know you don’t support. Or if you make jewelry and sell it on Etsy and Kathie Lee buys some and wears it on Today and talks about how she got it through you, and kind of makes it seem like you just gave it to her when in reality she bought it herself and it has nothing to do with you. And you’re like uuggghh, I don’t even like Kathy Lee! Or if you’re Adam Levine and Fox News plays clips of your band Maroon 5′s music in-between segments, which is what this story is about. Frustrated, Adam Levine took to Twitter, the designated place to solve all music licensing disputs, tweeting: “Dear Fox News, don’t play our music on your evil fucking channel ever again. Thank you.” Polite enough for me, but clearly not polite enough for Red Eye‘s Greg Gutfeld and Andy Levy.

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I’m just kidding. I do not actually wish any personal injury upon Mr. Maroon. If I was walking down the street and someone pointed a bazooka at him I would be like, “Surely that’s a bit much!” But this band really is terrible at their jobs. It’s like a band made entirely out of Daniel Powters, except at least Daniel Powter had the courtesy to DISAPPEAR. (SIDENOTE: you guys, I’m worried about Daniel Powter. Has anyone checked on Daniel Powter recently?) What a terrible band. I can’t believe they are your favorite band and the only thing that you have on your Zune. I can’t believe you wish you could marry all of them.

Nice. The thing is, according to Brian Greene’s well-articulated concept of the multi-verse, somewhere out in the depths of space, or maybe beyond, at a distance beyond human comprehension, there’s an exact replica of Earth as we know it, exactly as it is today, where I’m wearing my pajamas and sitting at my computer at 2 in the afternoon blogging about nonsense, and you are doing whatever it is you’re doing in your pajamas right now, everything exactly the same, except that this video is not a funny, curious oddity reserved for over-educated misanthropes who have turned disdain into a sport, but just the number one music video in the country, expressing the everyday American’s concept of what’s cool and interesting. Science is crazy!