Videogum » Kings

Kings: The Long Goodbye

Lindsay Robertson — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 16:39:02 +0000

NBC has moved Kings to Saturdays, which means one thing: IT IS FINISHED. Hopefully one of the last six episodes will be the one where David collects all those foreskins. But probably not.

Dear Baby Jesus, Please Let Kings Go All The Way With This Biblical Analogy

Lindsay Robertson — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 17:40:36 +0000

Guess who has two thumbs and just read the entire Wikipedia entry for King Saul? This chick! I was hoping to find clues to upcoming plot points on the already ratings-challenged but fascinatingly ridiculous new show, Kings, but then I remembered, wow, the Bible is super boring except for the sex parts. Reading about Saul and David’s breakups and makeups and caveman politics is like going back and reading your notes from high school. The things you remember as huge events and coups d’etat upon which entire social empires rose and fell were really just minor misunderstandings, like “Erica and her boyfriend got in a fight so we missed the Indigo Girls concert.” (True story, btw. Still mad.) Oh, except with more spears. Saul and David were constantly throwing spears at each other. And missing, often “on purpose.” Like, every day. The Bible is basically high school, with spears. Our entire civilization is based on a caveman version of Gossip Girl. Also, David so totally stole Saul’s milk jug! That little bitch! This is making me laugh so hard!

HOWEVER, my Wikipedia journey did lead me to one potential plot point that could shake prime time network television to its core (and I’m not talking about David and Jonathan being gay together, that’s only 1080 B.C./1997 A.D.-shocking.) I know Kings got low ratings, but please please please don’t cancel it before this happens….

Kings: The Drinking Game

Lindsay Robertson — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:37:04 +0000

So I watched the two-hour premiere of Kings last night for some reason, and it was hilarious. Even though the show is really up-front about the fact that it’s modeled on the story of Saul and David from the Bible, I still couldn’t help but crack up whenever they threw in a really obvious reference, like David’s name being “David Shepherd,” or a newspaper headline about David defeating Goliath. It’s not a bad show or anything, it just takes itself and its mythology VERY seriously. It’s a total male fantasy soap opera as imagined by a very smart fourteen year old boy. It’s like the grown-man version of Gossip Girl. Last night’s two-hour premiere was more than enough material for a predictive drinking game, assuming it stays on the air, so let’s get this started.