Videogum » Kevin Smith

What Is Wrong With Kevin Smith?

Kelly — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 16:45:29 +0000

I’m no Kevin Smith interview aficionado. In fact, I’ve never read an interview with Kevin Smith other than the one that I’ll be talking about right now. I don’t like his movies and as you all know we only get so much time on this Earth to read celebrity interviews, so we have to spend it wisely. But I’ve been informed that the interview I’m about to share is a pretty standard Kevin Smith interview, and I’d like to respond to that in this way: HOLY MOLY! Guys! Did you all know about this? Why are you all continuing to let Kevin Smith do interviews?? This is your fault! If you see something, say something! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE DRILL BY NOW!

It begins with the interviewer explaining that Kevin Smith spend the first five minutes drilling him on different upcoming films. And then, from Moviefone:

I could quiz you all day, “What else is coming?” Compared to going to the fucking Internet, dude. You’re way less opinionated. You’re like, basically, “Here it is.” And then when I’m like, “Did you like it?” You’re like, “yeah.” Not fucking like, “If you don’t like this, you’re a fucking idiot who should burn like Hitler!” Or, “If you do like this, you’re an idiot who should burn like Hitler!”

Haha, WHAT? Somehow “you’re way less opinionated” is a compliment, I think? Compared to the fucking internet, which is FILLED with reviews that tell the reader they’re a fucking idiot who should burn like Hitler? Very in tune with both the Internet and this writer’s style of pre-interview “can we please get on with this” personal movie reviewing! “I’m like, ‘What did you have for breakfast,’ and you’re like, “cereal.’ And I’m like, ‘What’s your hometown like,’ and you’re like, ‘good.’ I could quiz you all day.’”

Here Are Some Afternoon Links!

Kelly — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 20:45:00 +0000

OMGosh, look at this video of Emma Stone (“Emily Stone”) from forever ago, singing on In Search of The Partridge Family, a reality TV show that she was a contestant on! -BWE
Help FilmDrunk in their quest to give Kevin Smith fans a unifying identifier! -FilmDrunk
This is just a very good animated GIF. -TheDailyWhat
Here are some new VERY sexy Courtney Stodden pictures and Twitter quotes. There is nothing at all unsexy about anything you will see when you click on this link here. It is all very sexy and don’t even bother to get a barf bucket or emergency eye washing station ready at all. -The Superficial
I love J.K. Simmons. Look at all of this J.K. Simmons stuff all gathered together in one place. -UProxx
Hahaha, aw, I hate to be a teenage boy about things like this, except that that is a lie, but look at this suggestive Selma Hayek quote! -Celebuzz
Movieline has an important question about Oscar-worthiest anger to ask you. -Movieline
Were you way too sad when you heard Kate + 8 got canceled yesterday? Well don’t worry! Because maybe she will get her own TV show and you’ll never feel as lonely as you did yesterday ever again! -Warming Glow
The A.V. Club has taken a look at a few different film franchises that all of the sudden got real weird. Why not take a look with them? Hm? You’re already at a computer. -AV Club
Here’s an interview with the very lovely, and I love him very much, Joel McHale. But guess whether or not the topic of Ryan Seacrest is discussed? And guess whether or not he calls him short? JUST GUESS. IN THE YEAR 2011. -Vulture
Why aren’t these actors famous? Just give me one reason. Give me one reason and I’ll leave you alone about it but you have to just say something. -Salon

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Kevin Smith Still Doesn’t Know Anything About Business

Gabe — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 14:30:51 +0000

Professional airplane-get-kicked-off-er, Kevin Smith, premiered his new movie Red State at the Sundance Film Festival this year, along with his novel method for distributing the film. Well, first he had a fake auction? But it was a joke? So he burned all the SUITS! Haha. Take that, SUITS! I guess instead of selling the movie to a movie company he’s going to post it in five-minute installments on Twitter or something. Anyway, in light of this “controversy,” the Hollywood Reporter Weekend Magazine–which, incidentally, SURPRISE, the Hollywood Reporter has a weekend magazine!–has a lengthy article and interview with him, including this quote (which actually comes from his fake auction at Sundance where he said this right to the SUITS’ faces!):

“I never wanted to know jack shit about business,” Smith said. “Ladies and gentleman, I’m a fat, masturbating stoner. … If somebody told me all the stupid, horseshit, soul-killing, uncreative, backwards-ass bullshit business that I now have in my head … It’s too much f—in’ horseshit.”

Uh, you still don’t know anything about business, Kevin Smith? I’m not saying that in a mean way, I’m just saying, like, just because you learned what a movie poster is before you put on your NICEST hockey jersey and your FORMAL jorts doesn’t make you some kind of worker drone, slogging through the mines of Money City. What are you even talking about? The fat, masturbating stoner thing, I GET. The rest of it is just like, uh, ease up. You live in a mansion built on a foundation of boner jokes and spend all day writing Tweets about your wife’s taint. Your idea of dressing up is putting on socks before you put on your checkered Vans. Do you even know HOW to tie a tie? Business. Ha! Mogul get emotional. WHO MOVED KEVIN SMITH’S CHEESE?! LITERALLY!!!!!

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Kevin Smith Mad At Yet Another Airline Company

Gabe — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 20:45:55 +0000

Operation Kevin Smith Drop enters phase two: Virgin Atlantic. Why doesn’t that guy just STAY HOME already? His diamond shoes are TOO FAT!

The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Chasing Amy

Gabe — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 21:51:50 +0000

It is shocking (SHOCKING) that Kevin Smith has somehow remained out of the running for the Worst Movie of All Time until now. I suppose the judges were too busy with The Hunt for the Biggest Jorts of All Time. Seriously, I know it is an ad hominem attack of sorts, and when you make an ad hominem attack you ad hominem attack u and me, but dude wears the biggest jorts I have ever seen. Exclusively. There is a sign on the door to Kevin Smith’s closet that says “Jorts Only Past This Point.” And he has a point. Nothing but giant jorts could accentuate his extensive collection of oversized hockey jerseys. What an adult! Mr. Cool Adult. I bet when he walks his child to school, the teachers have to take a second and remember which one is the dad. “You can tell that he’s the father because there is MORE jam spilled down his chest.”

Anyway, Chasing Amy, which I saw in the theater, is this week’s nominee, and SPOILER ALERT: it earns Kevin Smith the 2010 Lifetime Achievement Award in BOOO!

The Other Guys Trailer

Gabe — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 20:30:44 +0000

The Other Guys is a comedy starring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg. To be honest, it kind of looks like Cop Out, but I am sure it is better than Cop Out. You can watch the trailer here. And you can send Kevin Smith a friendly reminder about how Cop Out stinks here.

This One Is For Kevin Smith

Gabe — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 19:52:30 +0000

After the jump, I have posted a video made by Southwest Airlines in 1986. It’s called “The Just Plane Fun Shuffle,” and it’s terrible. For one thing, it is over nine minutes long. Ugh. The only reason Southwest Airlines put it on-line is in an attempt to capture some of that “viral videos heat.” NOTE TO GIANT CORPORATIONS: if you are going to make hackneyed attempts to appeal to “the kids,” at least do your research. “Viral videos” should be 2-5 minutes long AT MOST. Nine minutes. Ridiculous. And Southwest Airlines has had 24 years to EDIT THIS DOWN. Second of all, when I buy a plane ticket, I buy it based on cost and convenience, not who has the best vintage ironic parody of a thing that was stupid to begin with. No, this whole thing is a FAIL (the CEO of Southwest Airlines can have his great-grandchild SEXT him the definition). But I am posting it here, because I like to imagine Kevin Smith seeing this video and just getting so mad. In his jorts.

Choke on it, Kevin Smith!

Follow Friday: @browncoatjedi

Gabe — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 21:20:12 +0000

Some dude started a Twitter account just to rip into Kevin Smith and Cop Out. #yaburntkevinsmith is trending! This is even better than when something I think happened in Iran.

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Kevin Smith Needs To Shut Up

Gabe — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 21:01:20 +0000

It was already pretty clear last week that Kevin Smith needed to shut up. His on-going fight with Southwest Airlines was insufferable. It was bad enough that a millionaire with every means at his disposal to maintain a healthy lifestyle was portraying himself as Joe Everyman because a corporation that deals with millions of people on a daily basis hurt his feelings. I mean, I’m no fan of The Man, and I’m not saying that Southwest Airlines’s corporate policy is correct or even necessarily respectful. But I am also not a fan of egomaniacal rich kids who pretend that their personal pride is a matter of grave national importance.

But that is all behind us now. Because now we have a whole new reason why Kevin Smith needs to shut up. His new movie, Cop Out, is in theaters tomorrow, and so it is getting reviewed by newspapers and magazines and other outlets that do that kind of thing. One such magazine is Entertainment Weekly, which gave the film a “C-”. Fair enough! That is definitely one of the possible ratings on their scale from A+ to F. Consider yourself taken to Criticism School, or whatever, Kevin Smith.

Except that Kevin Smith doesn’t consider himself taken to Criticism School, and he doesn’t just roll with the punches and hope for some more positive reviews in other outlets as any arguably very-successful Hollywood movie director with any shred of self-respect would do. Instead, he logged into the Entertainment Weekly website, and he COMMENTED on the review. ATTENTION CITIZENS OF CRYBABY TOWN, PLEASE GET READY TO MEET YOUR NEW MAYOR!

Kevin Smith’s impossibly petulant and whiny defensive comments after the jump:

24 Reasons Why Kevin Smith Needs To Shut Up Now

Gabe — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 12:57:41 +0000

Look, I can see both sides of the argument in the Kevin Smith vs. Southwest Airlines feud. On the one hand, you have a millionaire movie director posing as an everyman raising a stink about a thing that he was ultimately at least partially responsible for because it’s not like all those snacks ate him. On the other hand, I do understand that the whole situation might elicit emotional support from people who themselves feel ostracized by society, and at the mercy of faceless corporations. And since neither side of this issue has to do with whether or not Kevin Smith makes good movies, it is still possible to remain ambivalent. This is America. We were built on ambivalence.

But it is definitely time for Kevin Smith to shut up now. I mean, it has been time all week. One evening of pointed Twittering seems sufficient to get your point across, whatever that point is, and to shame Southwest Airline employees for following their corporate policy in regards to your giant body. On top of that, Kevin Smith recorded a podcast to REALLY get his story out there. Fair enough, emphasis on the ENOUGH. Kevin Smith’s challenge yesterday to Southwest Airlines to a televised test of his girth was definitely a reason why he should shut up. But now Kevin Smith has provided an astonishing 24 Reasons why he REALLY needs to shut up now: