Videogum » Justin Bobby

The Hills: Lauren Conrad Is A Total The C Word

Gabe — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 11:01:41 +0000

Audrina was talking to her friend Dino and he totally told her that Lauren hooked up with Justin Bobby, but neither Lauren nor Justin will even talk to her about it, and they’re both angry that she’s even bringing it up. Which means they totally did it. I’m sorry, but if your friend believes something ridiculous about you, it’s really easy to assuage their concerns. You hear them out and then calmly and rationally explain to them that of course you would never do something so harmful and damaging to your friendship, that you care too much about them. The classic turn-around defense where you make the upset person feel that it is their fault for hurting YOU by even thinking such a thing is such a classic manipulative gambit on the part of total the c words. Hitler invented it. He was like “I can’t believe the Jews are making me exterminate them, it’s really hard on me.” Lauren Conrad is a total the c word, and so is Justin Bobby for that matter.

The episode opens with Audrina laying out the whole saga to her “co-worker” Chiara. People on reality TV talk a lot about trying to make the leap from this ridiculous form of entertainment through humiliation to actual acting in actual movies and TV shows, and usually it’s bullshit, but I would like to recommend to Hollywood that they cast Chiara in the big time. She is such a good actor! Look at her trying to pretend like she is paying attention to what Audrina is saying:

The Hills: Still With The Heidi And The Job Thing

Gabe — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:22:50 +0000

First of all, Audrina and Justin Bobby are finally getting serious. OMG, can you believe it? After all these yeazzzzzzzzzz. The thing is, Justin likes hanging out down on Venice Beach because it’s so zenlike, but when he gets up to the Hollywood Hills where Audrina used to live with Lauren it was just so stressed. It doesn’t need to be that way, you guys. Life is like a constant struggle between our individual Venice Beaches and Hollywood Hillses, and it’s up to you to get your vibe chilled. What? Later, at dinner, Justin Bobby surprises Audrina with a gift and she goes “Oh, it’s the t-shirt I wanted.” SERIOUS ROMANCE. The t-shirt she wanted, you guys. Did you ever think the day would cozzzzzzzzzzzz. Justin Bobby acts like he just got down on one knee. He’s like “I don’t put a porkpie hat over my sweatshirt hood over my sculpted bedhead for just anybody.” Except that he does. When it comes to dressing like a post-Apocalyptic jester from the Kingdom of New Hot Topic, Justin Bobby is not exclusive.

Meanwhile, Holly Montag is crashing at Lauren’s. Crashing is what you do when you move into a fully furnished pool house with its own kitchen and bathroom in the sprawling backyard of a 2.5 million dollar mansion in the Hollywood Hills, right? What a mooch! She probably doesn’t even turn the water off when she’s brushing her teeth in the 12,000 square foot poolhouse master bathroom because she’s such a mooch.

The Hills: Brody Jenner Is Still Alive

Gabe — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 12:39:44 +0000

It’s Brody Jenner’s birthday! Oh good. I’m so glad he didn’t get run over by a dump truck this year. JUST KIDDING. I don’t wish Brody Jenner, or anyone else any physical harm. I hope that everyone lives long and happy lives. As long as they live them out of my face. But seriously, where’s the US Government’s 700 billion dollar bailout package to address the Brody Jenner crisis? Americans are hurting, they need help. Brody and pals have chartered a private jet to fly to Cabo for a private party at an expansive beach bungalow. Remember when this show was supposed to be about young girls doing exciting internships and trying to make it? Apparently those who can’t do…fly to Cabo on chartered jets to celebrate the birth of a mental vacuum.

The Hills: The Lauren And Heidi Feud Is The George W. Bush Of Feuds

Gabe — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:51:37 +0000

Even if you pretend that the characters on The Hills are actual human beings, and that as such they inherently have some kind of value on this Earth (God didn’t make no junk, SUPPOSEDLY), there is still the issue of Justin Bobby. He’s like Haley Joel Osment in the movie A.I. except that you would feel a little bad if you cut Haley Joel Osment’s head off and buried it in the ground. If he had been born a few years earlier, Justin Bobby would have been one of John Doe’s victims in Seven. “Become Stupidity.” I’m pretty sure all those predictions this summer that the Large Hadron Collider would create a black hole engulfing the entire world were incorrect, and that the real danger was that the Large Hadron Collider would recreate the vacuum that is Justin Bobby’s head, and we would all get sucked into that. And destroyed. The worst.