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This Week In GIFs

Kelly — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 19:00:59 +0000

Happy GIF time, everybody! Are you aware that there is only one more GIF Friday until the day BEFORE Christmas Eve? I realize the amount of words you have to say to describe that idea kind of makes it seem insignificant, but it FEELS very significant! THE HOLIDAYS ARE FAST APPROACHING! Before you know it it’ll be January, like, 15th, and we’ll all be thinking, “Oh my goodness, only months of terrible cold to look forward to from now until spring. What was I even doing in the weeks before the end of December, when everything is happy for one brief moment? NOT savoring them?” Probably! So let’s all take a moment to savor them. It’ll be easy here because we have some WONDERFUL Thursday Night Holiday Episode GIFs, AND we have some trampoline GIFs! What did we even do to deserve these? 100% of nothing. So, Happy Early Holidays, and please enjoy them. Next week will be even more holiday themed so get ready because you can never have TOO MANY holiday GIFs!!!!

Who Should Play Young Jesus In The Young Jesus Movie?!

Kelly — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 16:45:24 +0000

I’m not sure if you’ve all been to church today already or what, but as some of you may know, today is St. Nicholas Day. I know that because St. Nicholas Day shares a birthday with someone who thinks her identity will be stolen if I wish her a Happy Birthday on the Internet. (Happy Birthday, OMM!) St. Nicholas Day is kind of like Christmas for Europeans, except something about shoes? They put trees in their shoes? They wake up and their shoes are FULL of coins? I don’t know but it’s something like Christmas, which is appropriate, because HERE IS A JESUS-RELATED GIFT! Merrrrrry Thismas. From Variety:

After helping bring Harry Potter and Kevin McCallister to life, Chris Columbus is looking to put another famous kid up on the big screen: Jesus Christ.

Columbus’ 1492 Pictures and CJ Entertainment have acquired the rights to the Anne Rice tome “Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt,” which tells the story of a seven-year-old Jesus, who departs Egypt with his family to return home to Nazareth and discovers the truth about his birth, who he is, and his purpose in life.

“So it’s like in Dexter when there’s a flashback?” That is what I desperately want to say to SOMEONE. Get Chris on the phone I have a joke for him. SOMEONE GET CHRIS ON THE PHONE! Anyway, yes, Young Jesus, finally putting the holy back in Hollywood. The reason for the summer movie season. Jesus Christ Baby Boy Superstar, etc. Clearly Young Jesus is in good hands with producer Christopher “Call Me Chris” Columbus LOLOL, who helped bring Harry Potter and Kevin McCallister to life, BUT WHO WILL THE CASTING DIRECTOR BE? I mean, WHO WILL PLAY BABY JESUS?

What Bible Stories Should They Make Into Willow And/Or Jaden Smith Movies?

Gabe — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 15:00:43 +0000

The Bible, you guys, so hot right now. Apparently I am not joking? According to the Paper of Record, the Hollywood Reporter, we are about to see a whole wave (they use the word “flood” because they are geniuses) of movies based on the bible soon.

With half a dozen film projects derived from classic Bible stories in development, it would seem that Hollywood has (amen!) found God. Not since the 1950s, when Paramount and Cecil B. de Mille trotted out a handful of Old Testament tales, has there been so much Good Book on the books. Paramount and New Regency are building the big-budget Noah with Black Swan director Darren Aronofsky; Relativity has Goliath in the works with director Scott Derrickson; Warner Bros. has its controversial Judah Maccabee/Hannukkah movie with Mel Gibson producing (that film is competing with another Maccabee project); Steven Spielberg is considering directing Gods and Kings, a Moses story; and an adaptation of John Milton’s Paradise Lost starring Bradley Cooper as Lucifer is aiming for a January shoot. It’s a veritable flood.

An adaptation of John Milton’s Paradise Lost starring Bradley Cooper as Lucifer? Is it called Oh Perfect, This Is The Best Movie Of All Time Probably? Look, all of these stupid bible projects sound fine, but if you really want to reach the kids these days you’re going to need a vehicle for either Willow or Jaden Smith OR for both of them. So, which bible story should Hollywood adapt 4 today’z youth?

Happy Easter, Christians!

Gabe — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 19:30:25 +0000

Easter is this Sunday. Is everyone excited for the traditional Scaring of the Children?

Remind me: the giant rabbit in the window is Jesus, and there is an egg for every day he was in that cave? And that’s why so many Christians hate gay people? PLEASE EXPLAIN! (Via DangerousMinds.)

We Live In Endish Times Kinda

Gabe — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 16:00:43 +0000

Totes. (Via FAILBlog.)

Where Does This Preacher Get Such Wonderful Props? (Non-Sequitur Batman Reference, 2010!)

Gabe — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 20:57:05 +0000

This guy is great. I’m definitely very into Jesus now. At first I wasn’t so sure, but then he came out of the tent (?) with the bag of chips, and everyone was laughing and going to heaven, and I was definitely laughing, too, because the bag of chips just made a lot of sense and was very funny and no one was confused at all. Because life is precious, and Carrot Top, and the Bible.

Amen.

Flight Attendants For Christ Is Real

Gabe — Thu, 20 May 2010 17:00:09 +0000

Sure. Why not? As the website says, “it’s not everyone that has the opportunity to be a Christian influence at 35,000 feet, but flight attendants do.” FACT. Although, I’m not entirely clear what screenplays has to do with anything? Unless screenplays is a Flight Attendants for Christ outreach program on behalf of the church of Restore Stephen Baldwin. In which case, got it. He would be perfect as Christian, teenage, Olympic hopeful, Shanalin Hart, in China Harvest.

Actual synopsis for an actual screenplay called China Harvest written by an actual Flight Attendant for Christ after the jump:

Fake Rap Poetry Slam 4 Jesus, Or: Dear 2012

Gabe — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 19:45:19 +0000

So, you don’t think that the Movement to End Fake Rap is important? First they came for the Free Credit Report Advertisements and you said nothing. (Don’t worry, grandmama, that is definitely an appropriately used reference to one of the greatest human atrocities in history that deeply affected people in our family and left scars that may never heal across the face of the western world). Let me just give you a little taste of what the world is going to be like if we lose this fight (via TheAwl):

That may seem like a relatively benign (albeit super-crappy) rap-poem intended for Christians at a Christian seminar, so who cares, but it’s actually the first State of the Union Address from President Fake Rap if we don’t FIGHT BACK.
Of course, the only way to arm yourself is with guns and knives knowledge! Fully “lyrics” (or “poem words”?) after the jump:

Jesus Christ Died For Our Ridiculous Cars

Gabe — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 18:32:23 +0000

B-SHOC presents “Christ-Like Cruisin’”:

This song isn’t very good (whaaaaaaat?!) but it does remind us of the very important teachings of Jesus Christ, which say that you should save all of the money you make at Quiznos by living at your grandparents’ house so that you can afford an expensive car that stands in stark contrast to your actual economic means. Then, once your depressingly inappropriate car is tricked out, Jesus says, you should spread His gospel through miserable fake raps written on your boy Dice’s computer. “And the MEGAbass should shake the cereal bowls.” (Jeremiah 4:8:15:16:23:42.) Because life is precious, and God, and the bible. (Thanks for the tip, Josh and Ben.)

Important Update On Certain FACTS

Gabe — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 09:35:47 +0000

Contrary to what Videogum reported yesterday, Lil Wayne will not be playing Jesus Christ in a T-Pain cartoon for Adult Swim. He will just be playing “a guy named Jesus.” Snopes!