Johnny Depp is close to signing a deal to star in a fifth “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie, an individual close to the negotiations told TheWrap. In May, producer Jerry Bruckheimer said he was working on a fifth “Pirates” script — and that he wouldn’t make the movie without Depp.

“Hopefully, if this one does well, (Depp) will want to come back and play the character again,” Bruckheimer told the L.A. Times. “But it’s going to depend on the screenplay. It always does. He’s maniacal about not wanting to disappoint his audience.”

Haha. IS HE? Is Johnny Depp maniacal about not wanting to disappoint his audience? Can we get some doctors or scientists to back that up in court, please? Make no mistake: Johnny Depp is great, no joke. He is a very talented actor, he makes really interesting decisions both with individual characters and with his career choices in general, and other complimentary things to say about it. But I’m not sure that he’s MANIACAL about not wanting to disappoint his fans. If that were the case, maybe he wouldn’t have been so quick to make Jack Sparrow a weird, mumbling homosexual in the first place? I’m glad he did! But you know what I mean?! Even Chocolat seems like a bit of a stretch for the average Johnny Depp fan. I think? Wait, now that we are on the subject, WHO IS the average Johnny Depp fan? (That is a good question. I will take my answer off the air.) ANYHOW, enough about that. We have work to do! We have to figure out what the tagline should be for the new movie!

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Congratulations to the NUMBER ONE MOVIE IN AMERICA, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Personally, I’m not even sure if I’m going to be able to figure out WHAT I thought of it until I see it a few more times. It’s like peeling away the layers of an ensorceled onion! And, obviously, I’ve already pre-ordered the DVD on Amazon. Up until now, I’ve avoided buying a Blu Ray DVD player, but I’m finally ready to take the plunge. Can you imagine feeling the rush in the comfort of your own home when Nicolas Cage is like, “Plasma ball.” WHOA. And remember the part with the dragon? That I definitely saw in the movie and am not just referencing because the Sorcerer’s Apprentice trailer has shown before every single movie this summer? Wasn’t that a cool part?

“I’m Jerry Bruckheimer.”
–Jerry Bruckheimer

I’m sure this thread is going to explode into a pretty intense debate. People are very PASSIONATE about how they feel about this movie. Let’s try and remember that we are all here for the same thing: to talk about pop culture and have a good time. Should we really let the biggest, funnest, best, most important movie of the year get in the way of that? Just kidding. Rip each other to pieces!

“We’re hoping for a movie deal,” Conrad said. “I’m working on [adapting the book for the movies] right now, but I don’t want to commit to anything until I see all my options. We have had a lot of exciting news in that respect, though.”

Huh? If you’re looking to get a movie deal, but you haven’t gotten a movie deal yet, then what exactly counts as “exciting news in that respect”? Whoops! I made the classic mistake of trying to understand things that Lauren Conrad says by following the rules of rational, intelligent, adult human beings from Earth. My bad.

So, what is Lauren’s goal?

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So, the New York Times interviewed Jerry Bruckheimer this weekend about Shopaholic because it’s a change of pace for a producer best known for thinking that Michael Bay deserves to make movies and that there can never be too many C.S.I spin-offs. And he was asked if maybe it was kind of possible that in the current economic crisis, a movie about a woman drowning in credit card debt due to her inability to not dress like a nine-year-old’s birthday cake wasn’t really what people wanted to see. But he compares Shopaholic to another movie, and basically blows all the minds:

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