Videogum » Jerks

Rick Santorum Is An Incredible Asshole, Feb. 10 Edition

Kelly — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 22:00:51 +0000

Hey, want to guess how Rick Santorum responded to the news that the Pentagon is easing some gender restrictions for women in combat, opening up nearly 14,000 of the 250,000 positions they’re currently unable to obtain or advance to? Oh and also wanna guess how he feels about opening up any more of those positions? Great! I’ll wait.

BOOM! Didja guess he was going to be a crazy ignorant garbage monster about it? Did you also guess that he clarified this statement by saying he meant “men’s emotional issues, not women,” meaning that he’s worried that men will protect the women rather than fight the bad guys? That they, “may be more concerned with protecting someone who may be in a vulnerable position, a woman in a vulnerable position.” CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT? At this point, cataloging all of the ridiculous hateful nonsense that has come out of Rick Santorum’s mouth seems even a little unnecessary. I mean, of course it isn’t, because he is still a monster running for President of the United States of America, and maybe we should be cataloging it more, actually?, but I mean HOLY COW is this guy is just a straight-up dumb asshole! Case EXTRA closed! What I’m curious about, though, is how he’d feel about gay women in combat? Do the two negatives cancel each other out? What do you think, Rick? You gross jerk? Helloooooo? (Via TheDailyWhat.)

Everyone You Love Will Someday Hurt You

Kelly — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 22:00:42 +0000

It doesn’t matter how hard you try to do what you think is right for yourself and for those you love. Because we are all human beings trying to figure things out for ourselves before we die and go to Heaven, there will be times when you get hurt. Whether it is through overhearing a negative conversation about you, or not getting invited to some sort of party that you figured you’d probably be invited to because you’ve hung out with this person a lot and all of your friends are invited sooo, or if you sneeze and then your adorable twin babies mock your sneeze over and over again, or if you’re accidentally sent a text that was meant for someone else that didn’t refer to you by name but you’re pretty sure the person who sent it was talking about you and what they said was not very flattering. All kinds of different scenarios, each equal parts character building and heartbreaking. You learn that, as it turns out, everyone is kind of a jerk. Especially your sneeze babies.

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Ricky Gervais Is An Asshole

Gabe — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 16:45:57 +0000

In the run-up to this year’s Golden Globes, which Ricky Gervais will be hosting again, and also the American premiere of his new show, Life’s Too Short, which looks very so-so but clearly has its moments, the New York Times has done an extensive profile of Gervais, which will appear in this week’s Sunday magazine. In summation: this guy is such an asshole! I’m not even sure if that’s an insult. I mean, based on the profile and also everything else Ricky Gervais does these days, it seems like that’s kind of his whole thing now, right? (And actually, as a SIDENOTE, if this profile proves anything it is that no one should ever allow themselves to be profiled.) But, like, right off the bat you get things like this:

It is important to Gervais that he should get to do what he wants in all aspects of his life, and he recognizes this.

Gross. You know to whom else it is important that they get what they want in all aspects of their lives? Spoiled little children. And Kim Jong Il. I’m not actually comparing Ricky Gervais to Kim Jong Il, because that sounds too much like a joke that Ricky himself would tell at the Golden Globes, but seriously, gross. Here is an example of what this means:

At the start of our meal, the cafe was empty and quiet, but as it filled up with a robust lunchtime crowd, he complained that the noise was making it difficult for him to concentrate and asked if we could suspend our interview. After about 15 minutes of off-the-record chitchat, he became comfortable again, apologized for what he realized was a diva moment — “my neurosis, my need for control,” he explained — and said the interview could resume.

Oh lord. He had to stop an interview because PEOPLE WERE TALKING IN A RESTAURANT? This guy seems fun. Let’s all hang out with this guy. Also, the profile is just getting started. Buckle your butt-belts because we’re going to Jerkface Town!

TOUCHDOOOOWWWNN!

Kelly — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 21:00:20 +0000

I want to say that this guy is a jerk, but this is actually the best touchdown celebration I have ever seen. (And I’ve seen lots. Big TD fan.) GO TEAM!!!! (Via BuzzFeed.)

This Cat Is A Jerk And What It’s Doing Does Not Count As “Boxing”

Kelly — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:15:53 +0000

I’ve never owned a cat. I lived with a cat once and it killed all the mice in our house, which was nice, but it also peed on everything and was unaffectionate and kind of acted like it didn’t even know there were ever any other living beings around it. Other than the mice, which it killed. It was a stupid thing to have around, if I can be direct about it. Though I am certainly not a cat person, maybe because — like I said — I’ve never owned a cat. I’ve only had dogs. But I’m sure there ARE cats that are cool to be around, I guess. Not that I want to get into a big cats vs. dogs debate because really who cares, they’re all fine, whatever, let’s not discuss it, unless you want to, then by all means, but oh my God this cat is A JERK!

Jo Koy Is OUR Generation’s Tracy Morgan

Gabe — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 21:15:53 +0000

Hey! Remember during Tracy Morgangate last week how I told that story about Jo Koy telling the exact same miserable joke and being a jerk? Well, now look.Oh jeez. Come on, jerks! Go to bed!

An Important Message To Sophomores About Prom

Gabe — Fri, 20 May 2011 14:15:44 +0000

Obviously (OBVIOUSLY), because this video is about prom and because this video is for sophomore bitches, it contains some NSFW language, so headphones up, or WHATEVERRRR:

I think the most important thing about this message is that it is the right length. She just gets right to the six minute point. Just kidding, bitches, this video is too long! If I was her teacher in Video Messages To Sophomores Class I would give it a B, but I’m sure with some hard work she could get her grades up by the end of the semester. “Show your work. Your mean work.” She is so mean! Then again, to be fair, it does sound like the sophomores ruined prom. They didn’t post their dresses on the dresses website and then they were standing in front of the speakers on the contemporary music floor of the three-level Prom Boat?! They cut the food line and got chicken fingers before everybody else? Sluts!

Now take this video to your grave and show it to your children. (Thanks for the tip, Werttrew.)

The Bully Project Trailer, You Guys

Gabe — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 15:30:10 +0000

After the jump, you can (and should) watch the trailer for a new documentary called The Bully Project about the bullying crisis in America. I think it goes without saying that I HATE BULLIES. Sorry to any bullies out there whose feelings I may have hurt. My personal experience with bullies has been relatively tame. There was this kid in elementary school who was a couple years older than me who would take my Ocean Pacific hat off and throw it down the hall. But then one year at the All School Roller Skate, we ended up skating next to each other, and our wheels touched and ground together and he fell down on the rink and I didn’t and he never bothered me again. Oh, there was also a BMX bike gang that chased me all the way to Dave Ecklund’s house, but they didn’t catch me. It was awful, but compared to what these kids are going through these days, it was small potatoes. Small, relatively benign potatoes. Kids are so mean. Oh, this movie trailer breaks my heart!

That’s Your Crosswalk

Gabe — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 19:00:48 +0000

Your crosswalk is a real jerk. Fuck you, too, crosswalk.

“Happy” 10th Anniversary, Blue Collar Comedy Tour

Gabe — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 16:50:56 +0000

The Blue Collar Comedy Tour is celebrating it’s 10th Anniversary. Congrats, guys! I made you this card in celebration:

You know you’re a redneck when you won’t shut up and just go home already! WILL YOU NEVER GET HER DONE?! Get it? Get it, Blue Collar Comedy Tour? Blue Collar Comedy Tour never gets it.