Videogum » Jenny Humphrey

Taylor Momsen Covers The xx And Eminem In THE SAME SONG

Gabe — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 15:00:58 +0000

Taylor Momsen, America’s most beloved treasure, for sure.

Gossip Girl S03E05: Rufus And Lily Are No Jim And Pam. Also: Sonic Youth?

Gabe — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 10:36:02 +0000

If there was one week to miss so far this season, it was last week. Hilary Duff? Tyra Banks? Come on. I mean, I know this show is a make-believe dystopian nightmare for children, but one celebrity guest at a time, please. My favorite part of the whole episode was when Lily finally came back (FINALLY) and Serena explained that she wasn’t going to Brown because ~~that was the only way to keep her on the show this season~~ she was going to get a job instead and figure out what she wanted to do with her life. And Lily is like “you should really go to college.” And Serena says “if getting a job is what it is going to take to prove to you that I am serious, then that is what I have to do.” Wait, huh? I mean, if your plan for the year is to get a job instead of going to college, then weren’t you going to get a job anyway? Now you are using the job that you just said you were getting as a bargaining chip for your mother’s approval? Do you guys like how I am pretending that Serena is a real person and not a terrible two-dimensional asshole? Anyway, what a silly episode. Let’s just put it behind us. Which we can do for the most part, since many of last week’s plotlines were neatly wrapped up. Serena was such a good publicist for 12 hours of that one day! Oh, although one on-going plotline is that Dan is still dating Hilary Duff (sure), but she’s conveniently away on a tour of Asia in support of her new movie, Je M’Appelle Clown, or whatever.

Gossip Girl: Children Take Their Scotch Neat, You Know That

Gabe — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 10:34:11 +0000

Blair, who uses gloves to turn dormitory door knobs (of course she does), walks in on Dan and Georgina up in each other’s gutz. CAUGHT! Dan is like “I was just in here to get a book called Our Bodies Ourselves, but suddenly all of the buttons on my shirt broke and I fell face first on top of her body. You know how it is.” Blair tells Dan that going from Serena to Georgina is a long fall, even for Dan Humphrey. EVEN FOR DAN HUMPHREY. But Georgina tells him not to worry about Blair because she thinks that Vanessa, Serena, Jenny, and Rufus will all be supportive. Huh? Why will they be supportive? That statement seems based on basically zero facts. But sure. And besides, college freshmen often have somewhat skewed ideas about the way the world works. Anyway, that is when Dan is caught in the hallway by Serena, the Queen of Being Supportive Constantly. She asks if he is on a walk of shame, and he tries to lie about having just visited Vanessa with his shirt unbottoned and no shoes on and probably Georgina juice all over his face (gross, sorry, but kids in New York GROW UP SO FAST) but Vanessa pops her head out of her room and is like “I thought I heard your guys’s voices,” because apparently Vanessa sits in her room in absolute silence listening like a hawk to the things that happen in the hallway outside. Waiting. Patiently. To strike. So Serena and Vanessa agree to tease Dan endlessly, but they also agree to support him in his…well, his fucking of Georgina. I mean, they’re not really dating, and Dan lies about it to everyone. So the only thing to support is their sex.

“Yay, Dan, we are so proud of you.” — Dan’s friends and family.

And then Serena and Dan go for a walk for some reason.

Gossip Girl: It’s Not A Real Soap Opera Until Someone Gets Amnesia

Gabe — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 10:58:12 +0000

Wow, the summer really is over. TIME TO LEAVE THE HAMPTONS. Or whatever. Are the Hamptons gauche now? I don’t know. TIME TO LEAVE THE MOON. Old money is all about summering on the moon now. Of course, the season kicks off with a welcoming voice over from our very own Gossip Girl, whose “inbox is overflowing” (that’s what she said!). Is it really, Gossip Girl? Because I find it hard to believe that in the fast-paced world of adolescent attention spans all the hottest gossip centers around people who graduated four months ago. We’ve all been to high school. We know that within days of graduating, returning seniors seem like withered perverts bent over their cum-stained walkers. “What are they doing here? Shouldn’t they be in a rest home jerking off to swing music somewhere?” That is what the new seniors ask. Who cares about high school graduates? People in-between their childhood and their unformed adulthood are the most worthless people on Earth (NO OFFENSE TO ALL OF THE VIDEOGUM READERS!).

Anyway, Chuck Bass is flirting with some girl!

Piecing Together Gossip Girl Season 3 From These Five Clues

Gabe — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:39:47 +0000

First, your honor, I present the evidence.

Article 1:

BUT WAIT, DOCTOR JUDGE, THERE IS MORE OF THIS:

Some Predictions For Gossip Girl Season 3

Gabe — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:54:03 +0000

Chuck Bass dips into the Bass fortune to open his own chain of infused-smoothie stores, going head to head with Jambo’s Juice (CEO revealed in final episode with cameo by Breckin Meyer).
Serena Van Der Woodsen is found decapitated in her bed, with no sign of forced entry, and all of the blood neatly drained from her body. Special agents are called in to investigate. One of them is very open to the possibility of paranormal activity, and one of them is very skeptical.
Blair Waldorf gets pregnant. Chuck, Nate, Dan, Jenny, the mean girls, Wallace Shawn, Lily, Rufus, all pace nervously in the waiting room. When it turns out that the baby is black, a fight breaks out.
Dan Humphrey is also found decapitated in his bed. No one bothers to investigate.
Jenny Humphrey drops out of school (again!) to pursue a romantic relationship with Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows. He files a restraining order, and during the trial it is found that Jenny is clinically psychotic. She is institutionalized at a private hospital and has to start at the bottom of the social ladder all over again.
Rufus Humphrey and Lily Rhodes Van Der Woodsen make a suicide pact after their two children are found decapitated in their beds. Lily overdoses on sleeping pills and is later found in a pool of vomit and champagne in a $7,000 ball gown on the roof of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Rufus doesn’t end up committing suicide, because he isn’t sure if he’s ready.
In the season finale, Nate Archibald wakes up, and it turns out it was all just a dream. “That’s the last time I ever eat raw oysters right before bed HAHAHAHA,” Nate says. “Round Here” by the Counting Crows plays over the end credits.

Gossip Girl XoXo Summer News XoXo Round-Up XoXo

Gabe — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 09:19:40 +0000

HELLO UPPER-EASTSIDERS,

Just kidding. If you live on the Upper Eastside and you read this blog, thank you for reading and please give me a limousine! But I will not cater to you. The rest of us are down here in the streets. Fighting. That being said, there are two bits of important Gossip Girl news this morning. And yes, I use the word “important” very liberally.

1. Taylor Momsen is a vampire.

Holy shit! Vampires are terrifying, and also super hot right now. They are sociopathic murderers and everyone wants to be one. Well, Taylor Momsen is one. From MTV News:

“I’m nocturnal,” Momsen told MTV News. “I’m a vampire, I decided. I write at night. I don’t write a song; I write in a stream of consciousness. I never edit everything. I have books of lyrics. You can write a hundred songs from it, but I try to pick one stream.”

I did not realize you could decide to be a vampire. That goes against all of the mythology that I have come to understand over the years. But Taylor Momsen is famous, what do I know about how the world works. Besides, vampire singer-songwriters are probably different from vampire murderer-sex addicts.

But here is the real news, you xoxo guys xoxo:

Taylor Momsen Tries As Hard To Sing As She Tries To Act!

Gabe — Wed, 06 May 2009 13:33:57 +0000

We don’t like to make fun of 15-year-olds here because they are still children, even if those 15-year-olds act suspiciously like 32-year-olds, so let’s just say that here is some video of Jenny Humphrey’s band Pretty Reckless performing live as best they can.

Gossip Girl: All The World Is, Like, Totally A Stage, Or Whatever

Gabe — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 10:31:00 +0000

YESSSS! It’s back! We pick up right where we left off. Dan Humphrey is hooking up with that horrible teacher that at first it was rumored he was hooking up with when he wasn’t but then she got fired for it and they actually really started hooking up in real life, because that woman is an adult, and she makes adult decisions about how to live her life. Chuck Bass is still trying to track down that woman that he slept with at his father’s exclusive Eyes Wide Shut party, where apparently you are given a wrist tattoo right away no questions asked because remember how he woke up with a wrist tattoo? For an Eyes Wide Shut club that is supposedly so dangerous and so exclusive, they sure give out those wrist tattoos like they’re free clinic condoms. Blair is going to Yale. Serena is an asshole. Jenny is an asshole. Rufus is an asshole. Let’s go!

The seniors of Constance are putting on a performance of Edith Wharton’s Age of Innocence for their “Senior Play,” whatever that is. Since none of us has ever been to high school, I guess we’ll just have to assume that a Senior Play is a real thing that exists and that everyone knows about. Luckily, everyone has been cast in the main roles. Age of Convenience! The only person not performing in the play is Chuck Bass, because of course. Nate makes a joke about mercury poisoning. Gossip Girl is back!

Gossip Girl: Blood Is More Of An Asshole Than Water

Gabe — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 10:25:45 +0000

It’s time to read Bart Bass’s will. Lilly won’t be there because she is in Boston with Rufus trying to track down their secret monster adoption nightmare. But Chuck has asked Blair to go with him, and the mysterious new character Uncle Jack will be there, of course. Oh, and here we go, Nate shows up at the last second because he figured Chuck could use “backup.” Backup? Take it easy, T.J. McCabe. Besides, if Chuck ever needed backup it was probably last week when he almost fell to his death from the roof of a burlesque club, but OK, you thought he needed backup.

Quickly, Uncle Jack is made Chuck’s legal guardian. Wait. I’m no lawyer, but I feel like the reading of a will is a very specific legal procedure, while the state’s assignment of legal guardianship to teenagers is a completely separate issue. Then again, when Chuck and Uncle Jack are negotiating the rules of their relationship and Chuck asks “can girls sleep over at night?” Uncle Jack does make an awesome “yes, please,” joke that hasn’t been this funny since Austin Powers, so, you know, sustained. Recess. Put him in charge of all the children, and then put me in charge of all the mouth guns. (Mouth guns?) So, the board retains 29% of Bass Industries and Lilly gets a 20% stake in the company, but as Uncle Jack points out “that still leaves 51%, that’s the controlling interest.” Math lesson! This show is for toddlers.