Videogum » Inventions

Oh Brother, Richard Heene Is Back With Another Stupid Invention

Gabe — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 20:30:35 +0000

It has been almost two years since young Falcon Heene climbed into a magical space balloon and soared into the collective imagination just kidding. He didn’t! He was in the attic, or whatever! As you may recall, it was his parents’s idea to pull a giant hoax as some kind of publicity for, like, a reality show that they wanted to pitch? About children going missing in space balloons? I have no idea. I know they went to jail, but things get foggy after that. The reason, of course, that the details of their plan are unclear is because their plan never made any sense. And the reason it never made any sense is because the two of them, or at least Papa Heene, is a legit certified coconut. Uh, Richard Heene’s Psyience Detectives? Trying to sell the original balloon for a million dollars? His self-published humor book about driving? He also wanted to make a (different from the balloon reality show) reality show about boxes? BOXES! And, of course, there is the Bear Scratch.

Well, Richard Heene has a new invention to promote, even though he must be rolling in that Bear Scratch $$$, with another INSANE self-produced infomerical (after the jump), and again we are plunged into the fogs of confusion over what in the hell Richard Heene even thinks is going on.

Richard Heene Would Like To Remind You That He Is Insane

Gabe — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 13:30:07 +0000

Two weeks ago was the one year anniversary of Balloon Boy’s Falcon Heene‘s dramatic and exciting adventure ~~through the skies~~ into a box in the attic. Of course, what had at first seemed like a NATIONAL TRAGEDY, turned out to be a RIDICULOUS HOAX, concocted by Falcon’s father, Richard, a real coconut. Perhaps you remember the theme song that Richard Heene wrote and recorded himself for the reality TV show pitch he was putting together called Psychic Detectives? Classic coconut stuff. The stuff that coconuts do. Anyway, a year is a long time, and Falcon’s parents Richard and (the long-suffering) Mayumi had some time in prison to think about what they had done. Prison, especially for suburban middle-class fame-hungry parents, is a humbling experience, one assumes, and so obviously we would be right to expect that when they returned home, they wanted nothing more than to spend as much time as possible with their children, to repair the family bond, and to move past their collective, national embarrassment. Surely, they would not, for example, invent a piece of simulated wood that you affix to the wall using an electric drill called The Bear Scratch, for scratching hard to reach places on one’s itchy back, and surely, if they were to invent such a thing for some reason, they wouldn’t make a COMPLETELY INSANE INFOMERCIAL (AFTER THE JUMP) to sell it. No. No way! Just hugs and bedtime stories and trips to Disneyland, I’m sure.

Oh WHOOOOOPS.

Heaven Just Got A Little More George Nissen

Gabe — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 14:15:53 +0000

Somehow, the New York Times failed to report this story on the front page of its newspaper (“all the news that’s fit to FAIL”), so we are a little late in posting our own remembrance, but last Wednesday, George Nissen, a man whose work has proven hugely important to both the worlds of gymnastic sport and the worlds of hilarious home videos, passed away. From the Wall Street Journal:

Mr. Nissen, who died Wednesday at age 96, was a schoolboy tumbler who said he was inspired to devise the trampoline in 1934 after watching circus aerialists do flips while bouncing in the net beneath the trapeze.

While smaller trampolines—sometimes called “bouncing beds”—had been used by circus clowns and vaudevillians, it was Mr. Nissen who thought to build a large-scale one that could support a sustained routine of tricks. His invention ended up in gyms around the world, giving rise to a new sport that in 2000 made it into the Olympics.

It is impossible to estimate just how much we owe him. In some ways, we owe him everything. For this alone we could never repay him:

The Situation, Inventor Of “The Situation”

Gabe — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 11:58:17 +0000

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, of MTV’s Jersey Shore, has filed patent documents to legally trademark his nickname. Now THAT is a (hilarious) situation.

Make Your Ordinary Toilet Paper Extraordinary, And Slightly Damp

Gabe — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:42:23 +0000

You know who uses dry, ordinary toilet paper? Poor people. Introducing Aaah?, a revolutionary new product that allows you to squirt a dollop of aloe-infused foam onto your toilet paper, making your toilet paper a little bit damp. And it fits in your purse, your gym bag, your lunchpail, your briefcase, your suitcase, your bathroom, your mansion, or your RV. You can take it anywhere. No more being embarrassed by using regular old not-even-a-little-bit-damp-with-aloe-foam toilet paper. And the best part is, you’re not just saving your butt, you’re saving the environment. Supposedly! I think the math works out if you use 10 boxes of Wet Wipes a day. You should definitely stop doing that.