Videogum » I Love Money

VH1 Is Like The MC Escher Poster Of Reality TV

Gabe — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 23:21:02 +0000

Think about it! It’s an endless cycle of deeper and deeper self-reflexive loops, and it’s in every dorm room! ZING OF LOVE!

Anyway, after the jump, a trailer for the upcoming Of Love spin-off series Megan Wants a Millionaire, which I believe was originally called Trophy Wife (seriously), but probably got the name change whenever VH1 stopped handing out business cards that said The Classiest Channel Of Dignity And Respect. Anyway, I’m actually surprised that it’s taken this long for Megan Hauserman to get her own show. She dominated Rock of Love season 2 and she dominated I Love Money season 1. But it’s important to remember that Megan Hauserman wasn’t in Public Enemy. Or Poison. Megan Hauserman’s claim to fame is as a contestant on VH1 shows.

And that’s where things are really starting to get complicated.

I Love Money: Season Finale

Gabe — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 10:38:38 +0000

It’s been quite a journey, but we finally made it. The season finale. We’re down to Real, Hoopz, White Boy, and Megan. May someone win. You can’t really get too deep into who deserves it more. I guess you could figure out who least doesn’t deserve it. Personally I feel like Megan should win because she’s a horrible person. Isn’t that what this show is about? Who is willing to be the most horrible to please producers and hopefully get asked back for the next one? Just kidding. They’re all horrible. I’m sorry I pretended like one of them was more horrible than the rest.

I Love Money: Love Is Hard, For Real

Gabe — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 11:37:09 +0000

We open this week with another elimination. Toastee. She leaves as she came in: looking mildly confused. I don’t think anyone could have expected Toastee to make it very far in the competition. Everything that she says seems to have been scripted for her by someone only slightly more intelligent than she, but if you can’t even manage to come up with your own answers to mundane reality TV behind-the-scenes interview questions, how do you expect to get all the flags from the bottom of a vat of barf in the shape of a heart, or whatever. Not to mention her ultimately failing strategy of positioning herself as a human being with no discernible value. Oh, Toastee. You were not made for this world. Actually, you were probably totally made for this world. Anyway goodbye.

I Love Money: Women Be Scrappin’

Gabe — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 12:34:28 +0000

I missed a week of I Love Money recapping, so I APOLOGIZE. I know that this was TREMENDOUSLY INCOVENIENT for some of you (none of you). In any case, in the episode we missed, the Entertainer eliminated Heather, virtually destroying any alliance he might have had, and securing his place as the least liked person in the house, an impressive feat considering exactly which house we’re talking about. I don’t really understand everyone’s dislike for the Entertainer. He seems like the only person on this show who’s fully capable of admitting that he’s a total mess of a human being.

I Love Money: The World’s Smallest Smoke-Filled Room

Gabe — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 11:26:51 +0000

The contestants on I Love Money are getting stir crazy. The problem at this point is that there are only a couple of people left who are intelligent enough to put complete sentences together, so everyone else is left to fight over who should be Captain of the Margarita Patrol. With each week’s elimination it’s more and more clear that absolutely anyone could win this, because there’s no such thing as a competitive advantage in a crowded field of semi-literate alcoholics with ADD and advanced Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I Love Money: Puke And Cry

Gabe — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:50:46 +0000

After Pumkin sent Chance home last week, it’s hard to root for anyone on I Love Money. On the one hand, it makes the show harder to watch because it should be called Who Cares? Money. But on the other hand, it’s very exciting because it’s really anyone’s game. No one has the advantage. This week’s episode begins where last week left off: with Real and the rest of the remaining Stallionaires threatening to murder Pumkin or something. Real tells Pumkin that he’s “headhunting” her. So, Pumkin better sleep with one eye open or else she might wake up with a bigger salary and a better title.

Chance: A Retrospective

Gabe — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 10:33:09 +0000

On this week’s I Love Money, the powerful Stallionaires alliance was dealt a major blow when Pumkin as the Gold Team’s paymaster eliminated Chance. (Writing sentences like that is my life now.) Meaghan managed to squeeze through to another week despite being one of the most hated people in the house by convincing Pumkin and Brandi C. to join her secret alliance of idiots. Seriously, they’re like the Illuminati, except instead of controlling everything behind closed doors, they control nothing and have trouble opening doors. While it was only a matter of time before the Stallionaires found themselves on the losing end of this competition, considering that their power in the game seemed to come mostly from yelling at people about how powerful they were, it’s unfortunate that it had to be Chance. He is by far one of the best reality show contestants of all time (sorry Toni Ferrari).

Mr. Boston: A Retrospective

Gabe — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 11:14:48 +0000

So, what most people have been wondering ever since Mr. Boston’s stunning elimination on Sunday’s I Love Money is what medium of entertainment will Mr. Boston dominate next? In the way that only truly famous people with tons of talent do, he let the world know of his plans via an email to a blog.

Unfortunately, unless VH1 stops being cheap with the people who make them rich, I will not go on I Love Money Season 2 under any circumstances. So unless they pay us better or I get my own show, this is the last you’ll see of Mr. Boston on reality TV. But that doesn’t mean I’m gone forever! I plan on starting a controversial, yet hillarious website in the near future that will undoubtedly become very popular and will allow me to stay in touch with my fans. It’s a new concept that I thought of a few months ago and I can’t wait to get the site launched. I can’t tell you what it is yet, but as soon as it’s up, I will be promoting it to you guys, and I’m sure everyone will find it quite amusing. So Mr. Boston will be around, just probably not on reality TV anymore. I’ll be more of an Internet type sensation from now on. Until then, I hope I’ve given you all some memories!

Whoa, look out internet. I can’t believe someone finally figured out a way to tap into the potentially lucrative but always elusive Hilarious Controversy market. It makes sense, though, that it would be a spastic over-sharing reality TV star with no apparent self awareness or impulse control.

So, Mr. Boston leaves television for the greener pastures of the internet. Unless someone on TV asks him back. But unless that happens he’s definitely leaving TV. Unless he’s on another show. But don’t count on it. But you can kind of count on it. After the jump, some great moments in Mr. Boston history.

The Only Thing The Internet Is Talking About Today?

Gabe — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 14:26:08 +0000

On last night’s episode of I Love Money, the Green and Gold teams were told to split into couples and prepare for some kind of eating game, but when they arrived at the competition, it turned out that the contest was to see who could kiss the longest. Womp womp wannnhhhh. This was mainly bad news for Chance and Mr. Boston, who had paired up to demolish some goat testicles, which are fine to put in your mouth, or butt, anywhere really. These guys will go wild on some goat testicles. But to touch another man’s lips to your lips for even one second? What are you, Osama Bin Laden? If they didn’t kiss for at least one half of a milisecond, their team would be eliminated, so it seemed like they might be able to pull it off. Besides, a trained team of alcohol professionals were waiting off camera to help them drown their sexual questions in well tequila. But Heather on the Gold Team got in Chance’s head.

I Love Money: Pick Me, I Suck

Gabe — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 11:28:52 +0000

As this week’s episode opens, 12 Pack wakes Mr. Boston and asks him if he’s ready for the competition. Mr. Boston says that he is. And then 12 Pack pours a bottle of water in Mr. Boston’s face. For as big of a dweeb as Mr. Boston is, and as much as he reminds you of a nerd you met in college who amazed you with his lack of social skills even after the cleansing fires of high school, one of those obstinate dorks who refuses to abide by the social contract, it’s behaviors like these that make these people despicable. I know that his name is 12 Pack and he’s living in a house with strippers and professional failures so honor and dignity are not that easy to come by, but seriously, dude, at least in high school you had the decency to wait until lunchtime to flip someone’s tray up into their face.