Have you ever seen Dune? You’ve seen Dune. You remember in Dune how the only way to be allowed to wear the blue contact lenses is if you can hold your hand in the itchyburn box for so long that you prove that you have a very high tolerance for itching and burning? And then people see you, they see your bright blue eyes, and they are like, oh man, do not mess with that guy’s hands, especially if you rely on itching or burning to thwart your opponents. And then Sting sings “Fields of Gold”? And Kyle MacLachlan is like “Diane, big success on the sand planet today. Great coffee. About to try their Spice Pie.”

The point is, Courtney Love is basically our generation’s itchyburn box from Dune. The idea of spending even just five minutes in the same room with her can bring most adults to tears. “I don’t even want to be the Kwisatz Haderach!” they say. “It itchyburns my eyes!” What a human mess.

“It’s all about the bathroom.”
–Courtney Love’s tombstone