It’s hard to believe that just a few short months ago the town was divided into two teams, and this rag tag gang of rough and tumble players didn’t look like they’d be able to win a single game, much less make it all the way to the biggest game of the year, state. That’s what’s on tonight, right? State? Look, I’m not going to say that ALL I know about football I learned from a critically acclaimed but largely unwatched network family drama, but it’s probably fair to say that 60 percent of what I know about football comes from Friday Night Lights. And 30 percent comes from Peanuts comics. The remaining 10 percent is actually artichoke dip! But here we are. The Super Bowl! It’s AMERICA’S GAME! Whether you are watching it with your beer-hat-wearing best buds in the flatbed of a pickup truck in a parking lot somewhere (see? I get sports) or if you’re cuddled up on the couch with your 100 cats and a cup of hot tea, whether you just want to see that impossibly annoying fucking Jerry Seinfeld car commercial or if you actually do care whether one team gets more scorepoints than the other team in their pants and their hats, stick with your fellow Monsters for the minute-by-minute play-by-play. ARE YOU READY FOR SOME COMMMMMMENNNNNNTS?!

I want to say that this guy is a jerk, but this is actually the best touchdown celebration I have ever seen. (And I’ve seen lots. Big TD fan.) GO TEAM!!!! (Via BuzzFeed.)

Last night’s Super Bowl was actually pretty fun to watch. It was a close game, and there was a clear-cut fan favorite for those who didn’t have a pre-standing investment in the outcome (I’m talking, of course, about the team WITHOUT a known rapist as the quarterback). I’m not a big sportshead, but I have about exactly as much patience and interest for football as it takes to watch one game every year, so it’s nice that the game I watch seems so important. But, uh, what was up with the advertisements? Aren’t the advertisements during the Super Bowl supposed to be really big and exciting and clever and expensive and interesting? What a bunch of duds! There was that World of Warcraft Expansion-Pack commercial for Coke, and that VERY weird ad for BMW that suggested people should just stop driving shitty cars and start driving BMWs as if that was the problem and we just didn’t know we were allowed to drive nice cars? GoDaddy.com paid Joan Rivers to be its spokesperson, which seemed like a bad idea until Snickers paid Richard Lewis to be its spokesperson and suddenly Joan Rivers looked like a relatively wise investment. RICHARD LEWIS? All the ads were just sort of middle of the road, uninspired, and worst of all: CHEAP-looking. It’s like, do you guys even WANT me to BUY stuff? Jeez! I did like the monkeys who are bad at parking, and also the dude who smacked all the computers out of everyone’s hands. Oh, and I did learn one thing last night, which is that the on-line flower ordering industry has a way bigger marketing budget than I would have thought. Neat? Otherwise, this year’s crop of commercials were the opposite of super. LOLOLOL!!!!

Right, you guys? Or are you too busy SHOPPING!!!!!

Well, now it is 2011, and Doritos brand tortilla chips is trying to get in on that sweet ManCrunch action with a couple of new Superbowl commercials that feature dudes being super gay for chips. “Like, euphemistically joking gay?” Not really. Like, straight up gay. JUST KIDDING, THAT’S GROSS. But basically blowing each other for chips. VERY cool. VERY ranch. I’ve posted two of the ads after the jump. Not really sure how they would make anyone, gay or straight, want to buy more garbage chips* but what do I know, I’m not Professor Chips. Which is just one of the reasons why I am not the President of Chips**. (Yet.)

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“Dear Internet, I dedicate this to you.” — this dude. (Via TheDailyWhat.)

Like um like um like um like um like um you love him and like um like um he is your boyfriend and like um like um like um like um like um like um you are probably going to get married and like um like um like um like um like um like um live in a pre-fab mcmansion in Alpine, New Jersey and like um like um like um like um have three like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um kids and admittedly like um like um you might end up getting divorced like um like um you’re just aware of the statistics like um like um like um like um but like um like um but like um but like um but like um but like um but like but like um life is nothing without a little like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um risk. (Via BuzzFeed.)

I have no idea why professional sportsletes who make millions of dollars a year need to advertise themselves as prime commodities in a game of make believe. This is like Brad Pitt making a video saying “You should cast me as your boyfriend in the non-existent movie you pretend your boring life is.” (Thanks for the tip, Steve.)

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