I read on the internet today that Hollywood is going to remake the Elia Kazan classic East of Eden, and that the guy who directed John Adams is going to direct it. Whoops. That sounds like a terrible idea. John Adams was great, and clearly the guy who directed it is good at directing, and I hope that he has a long career directing tons of other great projects. But boo. BOOOOOOOOO.

Remakes, of course, are classically bad. It is Hollywood at its cash-grabbing, cynical worst. But for the most part remakes are limited to the sacred realm of nostalgic pop culture, and you could make an argument for how that is justified. Example: the reason that people are upset this week over the incoming casting announcements for the Karate Kid remake (namely Jackie Chan as Mr. Miyagi, which is obviously terrible) is because adulthood is hard and it keeps getting harder and most of the time it feels like the world is just fucking with you, or even worse, fucking at you, and it would be nice if there could be one tiny corner of your existence that remains protected from this stupid place (world) and that tiny corner is usually your childhood memories. And somehow it’s doubly painful not only to have your childhood memories tarnished by another Hollywood money party (where people come and give Hollywood money, you know, a party), but to have your childhood memories tarnished by JADEN FUCKING SMITH.

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