Videogum » Child Actors

This Week In GIFs

Kelly — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 19:45:59 +0000

An unfortunate thing about this particular week in GIFs is that clearly the biggest story of this week(/all time, if you are Gabe) was the Gérard Depardieu peeing on an airplane story. But do you know how difficult it is to find Gérard Depardieu GIFs? It’s not even THAT easy to find generic peeing GIFs. Airplane GIFs are easy. But I was hoping to have Gérard Depardieu + Peeing + Airplane. Without one piece of that puzzle it just doesn’t seem worth it. So if you were hoping for some Gérard Depardieu + Peeing + Airplane GIFs this week, I do have some bad news. But if you were hoping to see that apple world record GIF really big and then some other GIFs? Well, today is your lucky day! You’re welcome. Let’s look at the other ones!

Child Actors Are Not People!

Gabe — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 16:30:51 +0000

So, I have this pet peeve, and that is when adults pretend like child actors are people. They are not. It’s fine! Someone needs to put on a cape and run around the movie set, I understand that, but let’s just not pretend like it’s anything other than a little baby in makeup. This is particularly appalling when it occurs on the New York Times. Take, for example, this profile of Chloe Moretz (Kick-Ass, Let Me In), written by Dave Itzkoff:

CHLOË GRACE MORETZ admits she felt a twinge of envy in the summer of 2008 when the action movie “Wanted” was about to be released, and the austere visage of its gun-toting star, Angelina Jolie, seemed to be staring at her from every billboard in Los Angeles.

So she put out the word to her Hollywood representatives: “I really want to do an Angelina Jolie-type character,” Ms. Moretz said recently. “You know, like an action hero, woman empowerment, awesome, take-charge leading role.” A month later she got her wish when she was offered a part in the adventure film “Kick-Ass” as Hit Girl, a mysterious vigilante who leaves a trail of bullet casings and body parts wherever she goes.

“My mom was like, ‘It’s exactly what you’ve been wanting to do,’ ” said Ms. Moretz, who was 11 years old then. (She’s 13 now.)

Right. Sure. Here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter what an 11-year-old (or a 13-year-old) wants. It’s fine if they get it, but you can’t pretend like they’ve had some kind of long-suffering journey to achieve their goals. They literally made a wish on a star, put on their footie pajamas, and woke up the next day with their wish coming true. It bugs me! There are real human beings in this world who work hard for what they want, with determination and focus, and who spend many years dealing with the pain and discouragement of rejection. It’s just unfair to describe a little girl’s magical pony ride in the same terms. Oh man, this article about Elle Fanning by Frank Bruni is even worse, I could not get past the first page:

We Are All Aging Anakin Skywalkers

Gabe — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 11:23:47 +0000

Jake Lloyd is a 20-year-old young man who is like a lot of 20-year-old young men. He went to high school, and suffered the casual cruelties and careless aggressions of adolescence. He took a year off and is now in college, where he finds himself once again disappointed by the small, mean-spirited nature of his classmates. It has always struck him as odd how quickly and how slavishly people will chose one thing about you to focus on relentlessly and without end, but that just seems to be the way things are, and there are many people who have it far worse than Jake Lloyd. He’s caustic, and funny, and he has no idea what he wants to do when he grows up, but he’s trying not to worry about that too much right now because he knows that he is young and that he has time to find his path. Sure, there are things about his past that he sees in a different light now, but he probably wouldn’t change anything, because it’s all part of the experience of being alive. And he recognizes that complaining about what’s already done is just energy wasted. Jake Lloyd has both eyes open. He’s just a regular, bright 20-year-old trying to find his place in the world, like thousands of others.

Oh, and he played Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.

Our Bank Makes Little Girls Cry

Lindsay Robertson — Thu, 28 May 2009 13:33:04 +0000

As if being a kid whose parents make her act in commercials wasn’t already bad enough, one of the little girls in this commercial for Ally Bank is probably going to have lifelong self-esteem issues. And hate ponies. And REALLY hate pretty little blond girls:

Of course, it could just be magnificent acting on the part of the unloved girl, but at least the first moment seems like real disappointment. (And somebody needs to point out that blondie “didn’t ask,” either.)

This Child Actor Has The Worst Job In The World

Lindsay Robertson — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 11:34:11 +0000

The new Partnership For A Drug Free America ad campaign is all about how you have to be really tough on your teenagers to keep them off drugs, because they’re not cute like newborn babies. They want drugs. But all I can think watching it is “I hope this kid has a private tutor”:

Kid: “I got the part! I got the part! I get to be coated in slime and pretend to emerge from a strange lady’s vagina!” A job’s a job, I guess, but socially, this is child abuse. (Via AdRants.)

The Post Slumdog Millionaire World Is On A Race To The Worst

Gabe — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 13:27:04 +0000

More terrible news for the children of Slumdog Millionaire, of course.

Woof.

Well, this is what happens when you exploit people for “art” and, more importantly, “profit.” It turns families against each other and ruins communities. But wasn’t that Bollywood number at the end magical?!

As much as I did not like Slumdog Millionaire and thought that it was a glorified afterschool special that used abject poverty as a colorful-but-meaningless backdrop, it’s the aftermath of India’s Crash that is the real bummer. Duh. That movie should apologize for what it’s done. And i mean a real apology, not a Bonus Feature on a Special Edition DVD apology.

You know who else should apologize, though? This fucking newscaster. We’re being shown horrible images of women fighting in the streets over the future of a child whose father is rumored to have tried to sell her on the black market (although I doubt that), and this guy can’t even pronounce his g’s? Show some respect! “Slappin’ and chokin’ and clawin’ at each other.” GOLLY. I know that FOX News is jus’ folks, but Jes’ Christ.

How about just everyone apologizes. (Via Dlisted.)

Meet Katie: The Worst Little Girl In The World

Lindsay Robertson — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:31:08 +0000

The more dug-up videos I see, the more convinced I become that the 1980s was the most barbaric, un-self-aware, child-abusy, selfish, downright mean decade in our country’s history. Of course, that can’t actually be true, duh, but even the ’70s had to be better. Further evidence: this how-to video for stage parents called “Getting Your Kids Into Commercials,” in which children are compared to polo ponies who are beaten with sticks, and a little four-year-old girl named “Katie” is held up as the ultimate example of a worthless child. Katie misses her mark and “doesn’t even seem like she wants to be there”. Katie isn’t a commercial natural, so Katie should just go ahead and kill herself: