I’m still not entirely convinced that your boyfriend is even real. In some ways (in lots of ways) he seems like a pitch-perfect parody of a would-be Perez Hilton by some Improv 201 UCB graduate. He jumped over a fence to meet Monica? He just got the first look at the new Time magazine? C’mon son! But there’s also something that’s almost TOO REAL about him. That’s probably why you love him so much. You guys will be out one night and it’ll be three in the morning and he’ll just be like, “oh my God, I seriously need some popcorn shrimp served in a champagne glass with a side of absinthe-scented cocktail sauce ASAP” (and of course he pronounces it a-sap) or “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear anything you said for the past five minutes, because I was thinking about what it would be like if Lady Gaga was my roommate and we slept in bunk beds,” and you’re just like “are you for real right now, Micah Jesse? You are the worst! I want to kiss you on the mouth!” That is what you are like. (Via BuzzFeed.)