Videogum » Celebrity Big Brother

Um, WHY IS VERNE TROYER MAKING OUT WITH A BABY DOLL?

Gabe — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 15:06:51 +0000

Any ideas? ANY FUCKING IDEAS ON WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE? Because I’m really at a loss on this one. I’ve seen reports that Verne is supposedly impersonating Coolio, who is rumored to have sexually harassed Sugababes singer Mutya Buena before she left the show, BUT THAT IS NOT ENOUGH OF AN EXPLANATION. I feel like an Eyes Wide Shut druid should have at least had the decency to stand in front of this scene so that we wouldn’t be able to see what was happening. Who do you think those people were? Those were not just some ordinary people. If I told you their names- I’m not going to tell you their names- but if I did, I don’t think you’d sleep so well. COOLIO, WILL YOU PLEASE PUT DOWN THAT CAMERA AND EXPLAIN WHAT THIS IS?

In other news, Verne is the odds-on favorite to win the show. Team Verne! (Team Verne?) The prize, of course, is a lifetime of public humiliation and self-doubting regret.

An Open Letter To My Good Friend Verne Troyer

Gabe — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 12:31:55 +0000

Dear Verne,

I know that you won’t be reading this until your time on UK’s Celebrity Big Brother is over. It must be hard for you to not be able to communicate with your friends and family. That house is locked down tighter than Bio-Dome. Then again, with your extensive experience living in reality TV housing, you’re probably used to it by now. Remember when you were on Surreal Life? You’ve got the being-made-a-fool-of bug!

Verne Troyer Is England’s Problem Now

Gabe — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 11:49:01 +0000

The new season of Celebrity Big Brother premiered in the UK this weekend, and guess who one of the housemates is. I will give you 32 guesses. Get it? Because he’s 32 inches tall? I’m basically Vladimir BLOGOKOV, because of all the incredibly complex word games I’m playing. This whole site is such a puzzle. Oh look, here he is.

Verne and I, of course, used to be in a feud. But we made up for Christmas. So I really hope he wins this new show! How do you win Big Brother? I know it has something to do with giving Russell Brand a blowjob and not letting the other housemates eat you, but maybe there’s a special twist for the celebrities? In any case, good luck to Mr. Troyer.

And get healthy in that celebrity gym, Hamburgler!