Videogum » California

The Myth Of Newswoman

Gabe — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 16:30:09 +0000

“I leave Newswoman at the foot of the traffic light! One always finds one’s burden again. But Newswoman teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises branded headwear. She too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to her neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that wind, each mineral flake of that night-filled Palm Springs intersection, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a woman’s heart. One must imagine Newswoman happy.”

-Albert Camus

(Video via BuzzFeed, Vulture, TheDailyWhat, Internet.)

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Work In Government Literally Cartoonish

Gabe — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 18:30:16 +0000

The soon to be former governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, will be the subject of a comic book about a superhero named The Governator. Cool. Cool guy. Cool governor. Cool character. Cool comic book. So, five cools!

Colleen Thomas Explains Monday’s Secret Missile Launch

Gabe — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 15:15:32 +0000

On Monday, people witnessed an unexplained plume of smoke from an unannounced missile launch off the coast of Southern California. Unexplained until now, that is. Your girlfriend reports:

Pleideans shot it down, DUH. They will only allow missiles to be launched at satellites in space. TOLD YOU, SCULLY! And a very good night to you, Taiwanese CGI News Team. Have fun peddling your CGLIES to the sheeple. Some of us get all our news from Colleen Thomas now. (Via BoingBoing.)

Zach Galifianakis Smokes Weed On Real Time With Bill Maher

Gabe — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 14:15:41 +0000

“You can’t do that on television.” — Biff.

“Relax, Biff.” — Slime

(Reminder: VOTE tomorrow.)

Forget It, Jake, It’s Laser-Eyed Demon-Sheep Town

Gabe — Mon, 10 May 2010 18:15:55 +0000

After Carly Fiornia accused her opponent of being a laser-eyed demon-sheep, the democrats have responded back by accusing Carly Fiorina of being…a laser-eyed demon-sheep? No wonder the voters of California are frustrated! They are tired of having to choose between the lesser of two evil laser-eyed demon-sheep!

Can Someone Please Make Sure That Carly Fiorina Is OK?

Gabe — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 14:20:15 +0000

I am not a politician, but I feel like I have a basic understanding (see: child’s understanding) of how politics work. I know that you are constantly compromising between your ideals and the pragmatic realities of what can be accomplished, and that it is only every once in a long while if ever that you are able to bring those two things together. I recognize that we live in a complicated world with no definitive answers in which millions of people have their own wants and needs, not to mention ideas about how the world should work, and that it’s impossible to appeal to all of those people and address all those needs much less create a unifying theory of governance that will satisfy everyone. And I also understand that politics is often as much about image and branding as it is about genuine philosophy or even accomplishment. Whoever reduces their message to the most simplistic and easily digested soundbite will often win in a head-to-head race with someone who spends time working through their platform as if it was a complex structure of ideas. It might be frustrating, but that is the state of modern politics, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to change any time soon. I get all that!

But, so, where do the giant evil inflatable CGI blimp face heads come in?

Open Your Lazer Eyes, Sheeple

Gabe — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 09:01:32 +0000

This is just a very solid political ad. It really gets to the issues Californians are facing in the next election, especially around 2:26:

You have been putting that sheep up on the CGI dildo pedestal for too long, California! But now the hilarious lightning has knocked him back down to Earth. Because maybe he is not a sheep after all (sheep are the best?) maybe he is in fact a fumbling human being wearing a terrifying “sheep” costume that his mom made for him! Maybe he has Christmas lights for eyes, and he likes to pretend to drink from a stream but he is not really drinking from a stream, he is actually just waiting behind a tree for his chance to…EAT CALIFORNIA?! OR SOMETHING I’M NOT SURE HOW THIS METAPHOR WORKS?!

Obviously, there are a lot of great things about this campaign ad, but my favorite part is the very end, after all of the Nightmare Man Sheep stuff, when the ad is just like “maybe California needs someone else? Could be anyone! There is no way to know who we are talking about. Are they behind this door? Who is that man talking to? The point is, it would be great if there was someone super good to elect.” What a sharp political ad. Almost makes you wish that you were living in California right now, just so you could vote against BOTH of these bozos. (Thanks for the tip, @lindsayism and Maura.)

The Garlic Plants In The Road Is To Keep The Vampires Out, Duh

Gabe — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 15:59:39 +0000

A local news report from Lawndale, California, examines the pressing issue of some garlic flowers planted in roadway medians. Fair enough. Some residents do not like the smell, and they are urging the city council to spend taxpayer money to have the flowers removed. Again, fair enough. But then the news interviews an actual council member who explains what is what at 1:15:

Oh boy. There are few things funnier in this life than news reporters who think that it is a mark of professionalism to treat the insane things that crazy people say as valid opinions. “Of course, some people may not agree that the noisome garlic flowers are indeed a powerful deterrent to vampires due to the fact that vampires are mythological creatures that do not exist, but let us assume that this is a valid opinion to have on the subject and insist that the debate rages on. Back to you, Bob.” HEY, NEWS GUYS, SOME TIMES THERE ARE JUST WEIRDOS. (Thanks for the tip, Asa.)

That’s Your California Assemblyman: Michael Duvall

Gabe — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 12:58:39 +0000

YIKES! Didn’t he learn the lessons of Naked Gun? I mean, I guess there is some difference between going into the bathroom with a live mic on and making hilariously long and outrageous bathroom sounds at a press conference about ensuring the Queen of England’s safety during her visit to Los Angeles and this, but STILL. It’s pretty similar! Besides, everyone at least goes to the bathroom, not everyone has illicit affairs with lobbyists to the specific committee on which you serve, in direct conflict with almost everything that you stand for politically.

“We had sex on Wednesday a lot.”
–Michael Duvall’s Tombstone

Actually, everyone involved with this piece is pretty much a Quote Factory. “Your audio tapes, sir, your very sexual audiotapes, any comment?” Very sexual audiotapes. I am sure I have a pulitzer around here somewhere, and when I find it, I’m going to PayPal it to that guy. (Via TheAwl.)

What Else Should Arnold Schwarzenegger Keep In The Governor’s Office

Gabe — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:03:11 +0000

Fun fact: Arnold Schwarzenegger kept the prop sword from his film Conan: The Barbarian, and displays it proudly in his office.

There it is! Neat! (Neat? Haha. Right.) What a good job at being Governor he’s probably doing. There’s no way to know for sure, but let’s just assume he’s doing the best job. Anyway, what else should Arnold Schwarzenegger keep in his office?