It seems like we’re at a point, culturally, where the idea that every woman’s Ultimate Goal in Life is to be married to a man has been pretty roundly dismissed. Yes? That doesn’t mean that lots of women don’t very much want to be married to a man. (Sidenote: if anyone has Freida Pinto’s email, could you please send it to me? I just need to ask her something really quick.) And it doesn’t mean that the goal of being married to a man is a bad goal. It’s a perfectly reasonable goal! There are far worse goals in this world, like the goal to have the world’s largest collection of Good Morning, Miami memorabilia (bad goal! But if it makes you happy, then please go for it.) And the hundreds of years of cultural reinforcement that marriage (between a man and a woman, OBVIOUSLY) is desirable makes it a relatively easy goal to achieve and a relatively easy goal for which one can find support from one’s family and friends. No one gets too creeped out if that’s what you want. But I’m just saying we agree that some women don’t necessarily want that. Even, if you can believe it, some pretty, intelligent, confident women. Obviously, the fat, lonely, Haagen-Dazs stained women all say they don’t even care, but we know they care, RIGHT, LADIES? Lonely people are so fat and funny! Here’s the thing, though: even the women who DO want AS MUCH AS ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS LIFE to be MARRIED TO A MAN, they also want other things. Right? Like, they want to, I don’t know, go on a trip somewhere, or go see a play that their friend is acting in to support their friend, or rent a house off Craigslist for a holiday weekend. WHATEVER. They might want literally ANYTHING in addition to wanting to find a loving and cherished partner with whom to spend the rest of their life, or at least a few years until they get ding dong divorced.

Unless, of course, you are the two main characters in Bride Wars, who really want to get married and that’s all they want the end. Ladies, stop burning your bras and start burning COPIES OF THIS MOVIE!

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I’m torn between my hatred (or whatever, it’s complicated) of chick flicks and my love of escalating revenge movies (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, The War Of The Roses), but despite actually containing a “then the terrorists win” joke (TOO LATE), the overwhelming appeal of Annie Hathaway compels me to say yeah, I’ll see that shit. Whatever. Here’s a little Bride Wars trivia you might not know: due to scheduling difficulties, Candice Bergen actually performed her “upper class bitch in a chick flick” acting duties while literally asleep! (Seriously: eight roles in eight years.)