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Whoever Patti Stanger Is, She Needs To Rest Her Case

Gabe — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 13:30:20 +0000

Patti Stanger, the host of Millionaire Matchmaker, appeared on Andy Cohen’s Watch What Trainwreck Live over the weekend and said inflammatory things about gays and Jews. In particular, she said that gay men cannot be monogamous and that Jewish men “lie.” Hahahah. Uhhhhh. What? To be honest, I kind of think gay men got the better deal on this one, because that is so patently ridiculous that it doesn’t even make any sense. The United States of America is currently strongly divided over the issue of gay marriage, and it is not because the concept of a gay monogamous relationship is completely impossible to even conceptualize. What a fucking idiot this Patti Stanger is, whoever she is. But Jewish men “lie” is a tougher one to get around. Not really sure what’s going on with that one. Lie about what? Also, what? Just all around, what? Ms. Stanger, do you need someone to talk to? (It is worth noting that Andy Cohen is both gay and Jewish. LOL. Congrats again on giving yourself a talk show on your own network, sir.) Anyway, she has FINALLY broken her legendary silence and issued the following apology (from the Hollywood Reporter):

SPOILER ALERT: TV Will Continue To Often Be Terrible

Gabe — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 18:48:34 +0000

I believe that we are living in a Golden Age of television. Shows like The Wire and The Sopranos raised the bar of what a dramatic television series could and should strive to be. Comedy shows like 30 Rock and Community are as funny and unique as anything that has ever been broadcast on a major network. I am excited for David Simon’s Treme and Louis C.K.’s Louie. There are wonderful things going on, and you do not have to try too hard to find them. But you do have to try. Because HOLY CRAP is there a lot of bad television out there. And today we are reminded that this will continue to be the case. Bravo has announced a new show called Top Art (basically):

“Work of Art: The Next Great Artist” assembles fourteen of the art worlds most talented, up-and-coming artists in New York where they will compete for a solo show at the prestigious Brooklyn Museum and a cash prize of $100,000.

In each episode, contestants are faced with the challenge of creating unique pieces in a variety of mediums such as painting, sculpture, photography, collage and industrial design. Whether they are using a trash heap as their canvas or creating original cover art for a classic novel, the weekly assignments challenge the artists’ to push the limits of their technical skills and creative boundaries.

Hahaha. Whether they are using a trash heap as their canvas, or a trash heap as their paint brush, or even a trash heap as their paint, one thing is for sure: this show will definitely be total garbage. Art is already ridiculous enough as it is when there are NO RULES and clowns are allowed to DO WHATEVER THEY WANT. The important thing is that this show is just definitely going to have a lot of respect for creativity and culture and is not going to be an extended commercial for the Dodge Stratus the winner will receive.

And speaking of respect, creativity, and culture, KATE GOSSELIN IS GETTING A NEW SHOW:

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Reality TV Destroys Lives

Gabe — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 14:52:50 +0000

It’s very hard to have sympathy for people on reality TV because it’s 2009, and we all know what the rules are at this point. Perhaps in an earlier time, let’s say in a pre-Joe Millionaire world, it might have been possible for someone to join the cast of a reality TV show with the hopes of getting some mild celebrity based on their merit and natural human charm. But not anymore. We know, now, that if you go on reality TV you are going to be edited into a racist narcissist who will fuck anything. Or some variation on a racist narcissist who will fuck anything. Reality TV is built on a foundation of abject humiliation. What’s most interesting is the fact that it doesn’t stop people from going on reality TV. Now that people know how it works, they don’t seem any more inclined to preserve their dignity. I WILL EAT MY OWN FARTS, JUST GET ME ON THAT TV!

But it is so dangerous! Be careful, America!

Bravo’s Watch What Happens: Live: A Train Wreck: Live Is What Happens

Gabe — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 10:36:14 +0000

Last night, at midnight, with very little fanfare, Bravo launched a new weekly late night talk show hosted by Andy “When I Grow Up I’m Going to Exploit Teenagers for Money and Try to Get Famous by Interviewing Monsters” Cohen. Look, we all need to put food on our families, I know that as well as anyone, but Andy Cohen kind of drives me crazy. When he first started hosting the Real Housewives reunion episodes I thought “Oh, this guy must want to be an actor, and while I’m glad that he has work, because we’re all adults and we all have to have work, that must be kind of depressing for him.” I had very similar feelings about Jonathan Karsh, host of Kid Nation. But then it turned out that Andy Cohen was actually Bravo’s Senior Vice President of Original Programming. So he is the one putting all of this stuff in our eyes. And now he’s tired of dessicated vagina dentatas getting all the attention. He wants to be on TV so that he can get the exact same respect and admiration that Jill Zarin gets. Woof.

So he made a Vice Presidential of Original Programming order for his own show. And now it’s on TV. Here are a couple of questions:

Why is it live?
Why is it on at midnight?
Why does it exist?
Are you allowed to drink wine on the rocks through a a straw on TV?
Wine on the rocks?

Seriously, what is this?

An Open Letter To Bravo

Gabe — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 16:04:12 +0000

Dear Bravo,

I guess it would be hard to run a TV station on the evening of an historic presidential election when it doesn’t make any sense for you to broadcast the returns. But seriously, Bravo? You’re airing a new episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta tonight at 10PM, right when the polls close on the East Coast. Are you kidding me? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Seriously? Tonight? Whoops, you are a ridiculous TV channel.

And don’t be fooled, either, Bravo. It’s not like I’m upset that I’m going to be missing it in order to ENJOY A LANDMARK MOMENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY. I’m not like “Oh no, why couldn’t they have just pre-empted the new episode for next week like they’re doing with Fringe?” I ain’t care! I’m not going to watch this week’s episode on DVR, just out of silent but I think reasonable protest for how you’ve got to be kidding me. Perhaps this will give you some time (4 more years! Ugh, sorry.) to think about what you’ve done.

Oh, I’ve taken the liberty of CC’ing the Sci-Fi Network on this letter, because THE SAME GOES FOR YOU, SCARE TACTICS SEASON FINALE!

Sincerely,
Lindsay Robertson.

Bravo Just Hearing About This Silver Spoons Show

Gabe — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:28:56 +0000

Laguna Beach ended two years ago, The Hills just entered it’s fourth season, 90210‘s debut episode pulled in record viewers for its home channel CW, and Gossip Girl is all the rage. Oh look, here comes Bravo. Hello Bravo! You look so sleepy and out of it! From Reuters:

The cable network is developing a docu-soap featuring “hip and stylish” 18- to 25-year-olds based in Orange County.

Bravo declined comment, but an online casting notice said the project will feature “young adults who are enjoying the south Orange County ‘good life’ and run with a busy social crowd,” specifically in areas including Newport, Irvine and Corona del March.

Siiiiiiick. Finally, someone telling the story of 18 to 25-year-olds living in Southern California. Are there even any 18 to 25-year-olds in Southern California who aren’t already on a TV show? I think it’s time for America to say “ENOUGH!” to these countless shows about affluent chuckleheads and their petty, extravagent lives and start demanding more relatable shows. Shows about middle class chuckleheads and their petty, more affordable lives.