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New Dialogue That Was NOT Added To The Star Wars Blu Ray

Gabe — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 15:45:41 +0000

Saying “the nerds are mad about Star Wars” is basically the same thing as saying “the nerds are.” Being mad about Star Wars is the nerds’ constant. But, you know, guess what. The nerds are mad about Star Wars. It was revealed yesterday that in the upcoming Blu Ray release of the original trilogy, in that scene where Duke Skywalker is losing his LaserSword™ battle with Mr. Emperor, and then Dark Vader comes up and throws Mr. Emperor off the balcony, instead of the genuinely intense and interesting silence of that scene, now Dark Vader shouts “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Hahhaha. Oh geez. Usually I don’t have much sympathy for the nerds–they whine too much and their glasses are too taped together–but that is pretty awful. It’s kind of amazing how good George Lucas is at ruining stuff. He needs to pull a George Cadanza and do the exact opposite of whatever his instincts are telling him. Anyway, as mad as the nerds are, they should count their blessings because think of all the dialogue that HASN’T been added to the Blu Ray:

Seth MacFarlane To Reboot The Flinstones

Gabe — Mon, 16 May 2011 21:15:18 +0000

This would be a lot more upsetting if anyone actually cared about The Flintones. I mean, it basically WAS your grandpa’s Family Guy. I think we actually dodged a bullet on this one, you guys!

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Charlie Sheen Booed Off Stage At His Stupid Live Show

Gabe — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 14:30:06 +0000

Charlie Sheen kicked off his live show this weekend (wait, live show, what’s this now?) to mixed reviews. Opening night, Saturday, was at the Fox Theater in Detroit, where Sheen was heckled and booed before a ton of people straight up walked out chanting “REFUND” and he abruptly stopped the show and turned on the house lights. Hahahahha! Awwww. Of course, the fact that Charlie Sheen organized a 20-city live tour called “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option” but then failed to actually prepare much of anything that you could actually call a show is not particularly unusual. The man is an alcoholic, a drug addict, a domestic abuser, and a narcissist. The part that IS confusing is that so many people paid what sounds like very good money to be at this “show.” What’s THEIR excuse? Also, this show sounds kind of incredible. From HitFix:

It wasn’t clear when Sheen lost the audience, but there were many awkward moments.

Sheen, known for his wild partying and rampant drug use, said he thought Detroit would be a good place to tell some stories about crack cocaine. The remark prompted loud, immediate boos.

At another point, Sheen showed a short film he wrote, directed and produced years ago called “RPG.” He sat in the front row to watch the flick, which starred a much younger Johnny Depp. Again, more boos.

Eek! But did the show actually start off with a bang?

But the show actually started off with a bang.

Oh good!

Wait, NBC Is Bringing The Marriage Ref Back?!

Gabe — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 17:30:54 +0000

Spring has not yet spronged (I’m sure I’m saying that right) but we all know that as soon as spring gets here it will be gone, and with it will go all watchable television*. Summer TV is the worst! It’s a total wipe out! (Get it? You get it. Wipe Out. Boxing glove right in your kisser and here comes the mud.) NBC has already announced how they will be wasting everyone’s fucking time, including a goddamn second season of The Marriage Ref for some reason. ARGH! From the Hollywood Reporter:

The second season of The Marriage Ref with Jerry Seinfeld is set to debut Sunday, June 26. At the end of each episode, the studio audience votes for “The Rightest of the Right.” The person will receive $25,000 and their own billboard in their hometown saying they are right. Tom Papa returns as host and “ref.”

~~Cool. Just a cool show. Everyone loves it.~~ What is going on here? Why is this back? Did Jerry Seinfeld threaten to have his wife plagiarize NBC’s wife’s cookbook if he didn’t get a second season of his terrible show? At this point it’s clear that Jerry Seinfled holds SOME kind of dangerous secret that the President of Entertainment doesn’t want to get out. (Although, in their defense, NBC is also introducing a show this summer called It’s Worth What?, which is just a very good English name for a show, hosted by Cedric the Entertainer, so these guys are at least consistent in their nightmare decision making.)

Please leave your Blind Item guesses as to what dark secrets Jerry Seinfeld holds in his heart in the comments.

*To address this situation, we will be announcing the Videogum TV Club soon. Let’s watch a show on DVD together this summer! Why not? What else are you going to do, spend time with other people doing things outside in the nice weather? Get real.

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Tyler Perry ≠ Idris Elba

Gabe — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 19:30:32 +0000

Tyler Perry is a lot of things: billionaire, terrible director, housedress connoisseur, but one thing he is not is a very good actor. Oh, sure, he was GREAT as the principal of Space School in Star Trek or whatever that was. But that was just typecasting. Usually he is bad. And at the very least, he is no Idris Elba. No duh. Idris Elba? Are you kidding me? STRINGER BELL AND ALSO LUTHER? Go to bed (on your private island), Tyler Perry. And so now what the hell is all this? (From Vulture)

In August, it was reported that Idris Elba had signed on to play Alex Cross in a new film based on James Patterson’s best-selling murder mysteries, a part previously played by Morgan Freeman in movies like Kiss the Girls and Along Came a Spider. That didn’t work out. Now Tyler Perry will star as Cross in the reboot of the franchise, which is being conceived as a trilogy and directed by Rob Cohen (XXX, The Fast and the Furious).

I’m sorry? I’m sorry that your movie was probably going to be good but now it is definitely going to be terrible? Oh well. There ain’t no nostalgia to this shit here, etc.

Et Tu, David Letterman?

Gabe — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 15:00:22 +0000

It has now been revealed that David Letterman knew Joaquin Phoenix was a liar during their historic interview last winter. Boo! The world is so annoying.

Woman Throws Cat In Garbage Can, Now Can We Please Throw Woman In Jail

Gabe — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 20:45:54 +0000

This is genuinely terrible. Some piece of shit LITTER LOUT was caught by a surveillance camera throwing a cat in the garbage. BOOO! Where is the barrister so he can lock her up in lorry and throw away the pint?!

Party In The UGA

Gabe — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 13:30:19 +0000

Do you guys ever wish that your dad was a hotel magnate who was deliberating to whom to relinquish control of his company, and because of your aimless, indulgent lifestyle, he offered to give the company–your heritage and inheritance!–to his unethical and dastardly business associate unless you went back to school, starting with kindergarten, and completed your entire education in a year to prove you were serious about continuing the family tradition of hard work and entrepreneurial enterprise? Do you guys ever wish that, too? It just seems like you could do a lot of things differently, you know? You could correct past mistakes, and go to any school you wanted. Any school at all. The University of Georgia or just wherever, it doesn’t have to be the University of Georgia, but it could be the University of Georgia if you wanted it to be, which why wouldn’t you want it to be? What a fun neat school. I hear the meal plan’s amazin. Yeah, sometimes I just really wish that my dad was in charge of a fortune 500 company and I was a total disappointment and I could go, as a full grown adult, to the University of Georgia, to prove him wrong. See, dad, I’m smart! I make smart choices and think about smart things! (Thanks for the tip, Candice.)

Very Cool Political Ad For A Very Cool Political Candidate

Gabe — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 19:30:25 +0000

America is a gigantic country, home to millions of people, and we don’t always agree on the way it should be governed. Heck! We RARELY agree, hahaha. But when it comes down to it, most of us do want the same thing from our elected leaders, even if we go about finding it in different ways. We want elected representatives that are honest and intelligent and working as hard as they can to make our country a better place. We want elected representatives who help people, and stand up for what they believe in, and who understand the complicated and conflicting needs of their constituents. But most of all, we want elected leaders who hire young white guys in visors and campaign t-shirts to record and perform impossibly awful campaign theme songs that sound like something a Wham! cover band diarrheaed out of their raw butts into the broken toilet after a night of bad seafood.

Well, the lucky Republicans of Florida’s 19th District have found that in incumbent candidate, Mike Weinstein:

Goodbye, M. Night Shyamalan

Gabe — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 17:00:27 +0000

M. Night Shyamalan’s newest movie, The Last Airbender, opens today. It is the first movie that he has directed that is not entirely his conceptually, although he did write the screenplay (because if there is one thing we all know, it is how good M. Night Shyamalan is at writing screenplays?). In the grand M. Night Shyamalan tradition, the movie is getting terrible reviews. It currently has a 9% on RottenTomatoes, which is actually up from 4% yesterday. Here is a sample quote from a review:

A soul-crushing disaster made worse by unnecessary, counterproductive 3-D, The Last Airbender fails to immediately qualify as the worst film of the summer only by virtue of the year’s abundance of other candidates.

And here is another one:

The current national priorities should be as follows: reduce carbon emissions and stop funding the films of M. Night Shyamalan.

Agreed! Perhaps, at long last, after years of foisting his personalized garbage on our faces, perhaps with his meat-fisted destruction of a franchise that some people actually LIKED before he came along, this will be the end of M. Night Shyamalan. He can move back to his Philadelphia farm house, hug his movies, and think about what he’s done. I have no idea why Hollywood continues to give this man tens of millions of dollars to do a job that he has proven time and again he is incapable of doing. It is like hiring someone to pump gas, and having them pour the gas all over your car, and then setting your car on fire, and in response, you buy a new car, and go back to do it all over again. And here’s the thing: SPOILER ALERT: he was never any good. Ever. Not even once.