Videogum » Assholes

A Rare Moment Of Moral Clarity From Bill O’Reilly!

Gabe — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 22:30:18 +0000

Bill O’Reilly is a liar and an asshole, end of story. There’s absolutely nothing he could ever really do to make up for the years of disinformation and hate-mongering that he has broadcast through his FOX News program and his children’s books. The worst part about Bill O’Reilly, and I have said this before, is the painfully clear fact that the dude doesn’t even believe in half of the garbage things that come out of his mouth. He just says them because he knows they will appeal to his viewership, and he can continue to make lots of money. (As a point of reference on this particular issue, I highly recommend listening to/watching a Bill O’Reilly interview in the “liberal media,” either on The Daily Show or Fresh Air with Terry Gross*. It’s interesting! He almost always comes off as thoughtful and intelligent. Which only makes things worse. Because that means he’s aware.) All of this being said, today we offer credit where credit is due, and point to a rare moment of moral clarity from Mr. O’Reilly. In the wake of the Ellen Degeneres – JC Penny – Million Homophobic Moms dust up, O’Reilly addressed the issue on his show, and not only stood up for Ellen Degeneres’s corporate spokesmanship, which, well, of course he did, I mean, right, but he also stood up for gay rights in general. It’s actually pretty good:

Bill O’Reilly Is Typically Infuriating

Gabe — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:45:55 +0000

If you want to get mad at/about Bill O’Reilly this morning, here’s a clip to watch. It’s really up to you. It’s only if you want to get annoyed/mad at/about him and/or are for some reason not annoyed/mad enough already.

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Mitt Romney Isn’t Concerned About The Very Poor

Gabe — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:30:31 +0000

Oh good grief. YEAH, MITT ROMNEY, WE KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT WORRIED ABOUT POOR PEOPLE. Eek! It’s almost crazy how awesome the safety net for poor people is. And how much the Republican party never ever tries to abolish that safety net. None of them are worried about poor people because of how much they trust that those wonderful poor people will be protected by the incredible safety net that they have spent their entire careers protecting, I’m sure. Also, you could have just said that you’re not worried about the very rich, because of how they are so rich, and then moved on to talk about how you’re just worried about regular Americans, and that would have been a lie because you’re definitely worried mostly about the very rich but it at least would have sounded OK, but no, naturally you had to START WITH how you don’t worry about poor people. Can you be President RIGHT NOW? Can you start early? How about today?! (Via GotchaMedia.)

East Haven Mayor Rests His Case About Mexicans Eating Tacos And Something About Spaghetti

Gabe — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 19:45:49 +0000

The FBI arrested four police officers in East Haven on charges of violating the rights of the Latino community, whatever that means, although it definitely sounds very serious, especially if the FBI is involved because why even would the FBI be involved? But, so, OK, it’s serious. And, as when serious things like this happen, the local news crew went to the mayor’s office to ask mayor Joseph Maturo what he and his cabinet (do mayors have cabinets? You know what I mean) planned to do for the Latino community in light of this scandal. Being a professional politician, and the mayor of a whole city, and a respectable adult in the year 2012, the mayor calmly and politely explained how deeply sorry he was that something like this could have happened under his watch, and that he would be doing everything in his power to reassure the Latino community that nothing like this would happen again. That is definitely what he said in response and NOT as the liberal gotcha media’s television cameras are trying to portray, something about how he was going to eat tacos for dinner and then a bunch of other racist bullshit like some fucking dumb asshole lunatic.

Paula Deen’s Publicist Quits

Gabe — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 16:00:03 +0000

At this point it is actually weird when people do the right thing. Must have found some leftover moral code at the bottom of mildewy box in the basement somewhere.

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Ricky Gervais Dresses Up As Hitler For No Apparent Reason

Gabe — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 15:15:39 +0000

Oh good grief. COME ONNNNNNNNNNN. This is a picture of Ricky Gervais dressed as Hitler (and also dressed as Winston Churchill) that he posted to Twitter for no particularly compelling reason. THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS GUY? It’s like he read a book about comedy and it said “comedy pushes boundaries” and then he looked up “boundaries” in a dictionary from 1960 but that page had been torn out of his dictionary. Seriously, this guy is the fucking worst now and he won’t rest until everyone knows it. Still not sure? Don’t worry, he’ll get ya. He’ll do some dumb shit and you’ll be like, Oh. From the DailyMirror:

After a conversation on Twitter that saw one of his followers comparing him to Hitler, Ricky posted this picture of himself along with the comment: “I’m in two minds…”

That’s it? Some complete stranger says some stupid comment on Twitter about Hitler, which incidentally is the hackiest of all hack comments to make and I thought we’d all agreed upon that in, like, the ’90s, and that’s all it takes for Ricky Gervais to DRESS UP AS HITLER AND TAKE A PHOTO AND POST IT ON-LINE? Does he not have any friends to talk to? Is there no one in his corner where every time he gets one of these awful ideas in his head, that friend can put a hand on his wrist and say, “Hey, I’ve got an even better idea: let’s not do your idea.” That is literally what friends are for. Oh, and by the way, it gets worse: he almost dressed up as Hitler for the Golden Globes. COOOOOL. This guy is the Sarah Palin of comedy: TOTAL RENEGADE. Listen to this shit:

Paula Deen Has Type 2 Diabetes, Is An Asshole

Gabe — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:30:23 +0000

Although the news broke last week, Paula Deen appeared on the Today Show this morning with Al Roker to announce to the world that she has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Normally this story would make the cover of this month’s Duh Aficionado Magazine (order your back issue of “Dr. Atkins Dies of Heart Attack” here) and that would be that because OF COURSE Paula Deen has type 2 diabetes. Except it turns out that she has HAD IT FOR THREE YEARS and just didn’t bother telling anyone as she continued her high-speed ride on top of the Butter Bullet Train. Ugh. And it just so happens that her announcement has coincided quite nicely with her signing of a multi-million dollar sponsorship deal with a pharmaceutical company for a diabetes drug. OH COOL, THIS IS COOL. What a fucking asshole! Anthony Bourdain already said it best: “When your signature dish is hamburger in between a doughnut, and you’ve been cheerfully selling this stuff knowing all along that you’ve got type 2 diabetes… It’s in bad taste if nothing else.” Look, obviously our thoughts and prayers are with Paula Deen and her family during this ~~delicious~~ difficult time, but good grief. The worst part is how George W. Bush she is being about the whole thing. Like, OK, you’re a greedy (obviously, I mean, obviously, it is crazy how obvious it is that Paul Deen is greedy with EVERYTHING) jerk who does not care about anything other than getting as much of everything as you possibly can into your body and/or wallet. That’s fine. But then just do that. Drop the AW SHUCKS routine you FUCKING MONSTER. Look at this shit:

The ShamWow Guy Is The Schticky Guy Now

Gabe — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 15:15:52 +0000

Yuck. Why is he talking like that? He sounds like he’s trying out for the role of “Precocious Baby” in Who Framed Roger Rabbit 2. And why is everyone SO dirty? It seems like we might need to address, through regression therapy and some kind of step-based recovery program, the underlying problems about these people’s cleanliness and hygiene before we even get to how to properly use a Schticky. Step 2: Make amends for the pile of hair and crumbs you always carry around on your shoulder. And who needs to clean up a pile of pennies? And why is it called the Schticky? Did they only rent the conference room for five minutes on Brand Name Brainstorming Day? So many questions! Although what’s not up for debate is how fun AND classy it is for Vince Offer to poke fun at the time he was arrested for PUNCHING A PROSTITUTE IN THE FACE. Very cool of him. Makes me want to buy a whole bunch of these pieces of shit. ORDER NOW! (Via ONTD.)

Heaven Just Got A Little More Kim Jong-Il

Gabe — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 16:00:39 +0000

As by now you know, the horrible North Korean dictator has died. Here is a really intense video of people in Pyongyang overwhelmed with grief. Oh man. Hang in there, guys! “It gets better”?

Can We Talk About Tallafornia, The Irish Jersey Shore?

Gabe — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 14:30:48 +0000

When I did study abroad in college, because that’s right ladies, I went to college, I knew a dude who eventually told me that the first time we met he was fully expecting me to open a beer bottle with my teeth. I’d like to think this is because of my rugged and magnetic animalism, but I think he was just making a stupid comment about my being American. And even people who were a little less forward with their ridiculous and stupid assumptions about us would still get to a point in the evening where they would say with a pleading and subdued sincerity, “but you guys do all eat McDonald’s for every meal, right?” Right! Now, the reality is that you cannot expect Europeans or anyone really to have any other impression of Americans considering how many of us there are wandering around wearing Corona t-shirts and asking “where is the toilet may I have a Coke?” And we are awful. I’m with Obama on how awful we are. The thing that these chain-smoking, olive oil and Toblerone-scented Europeans with their brightly colored backpacks and their disinterest in brushing their teeth don’t realize is that EVERYONE is terrible. Americans are the worst, but so is everybody else. So it’s nice to see a trailer for a show called Tallafornia, which is basically the Irish Jersey Shore, because it’s like, well, yeah, exactly.