Videogum » Andy Rooney

Heaven Recently Got A Little More Andy Rooney

Gabe — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 13:49:11 +0000

Sad news, guys: Andy Rooney died over the weekend. An American treasure! Not sarcastic! For as much as it was so easy to poke fun at his rants, he was still a venerable institution, and in their own bizarre, crotchety way, those rants were a delight. The New York Times obituary captured them perfectly:

He admitted to loving football, Christmas, tennis, woodworking and Dwight D. Eisenhower, one of the few politicians who won his approval because, as an Army general during World War II, he had refused to censor Stars and Stripes, the G.I. newspaper for which Mr. Rooney worked. He also claimed to like shined shoes and properly pressed pants and had machines in his office to take care of those functions, although somehow he always managed to look rumpled.

But he was better known for the things he did not like. He railed against “two-prong plugs in a three-prong society,” the incomprehensibility of road maps, wash-and-wear shirts “that you can wash but not wear,” the uselessness of keys and locks, and outsize cereal boxes that contained very little cereal.

“I don’t like any music I can’t hum,” he grumbled.

He observed that “there are more beauty parlors than there are beauties” and that “if dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.”

Haha. Oh, Andy Rooney. (The obituary also includes a pretty interesting look at the weird racist, homophobic, and misogynistic comments he has made over the years, but what are you going to do?) It was only two months ago that we mourned the death of his 60 Minutes segment and now we are mourning the death of Andy Rooney himself. R.I.P. Andy Rooney. You are in heaven now, complaining about the angels.

The Week In GIFs

Kelly — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 19:30:40 +0000

I have to admit, the “Week In GIFs” has gotten a bit more exciting for me now that our stories are back on TV. They produce so many amazing GIFs! I almost feel sorry for the shows we loved in the years before GIFs were very popular. I bet they would’ve produced some classic GIFs as well. Like remember the “PIVOT” scene from Friends? That would have been a great GIF. Not that it can’t still be made into a GIF. I’m just saying no one is trading that GIF around being like, “Check it out, from last night, remember? HAHAHAHAH.” Which is what it deserves. Oh well. Can’t look back, I guess. Just have to move forward. That is, as much as looking at GIFs of things that happened in the past few days is moving forward. So let’s do that.

R.I.P. Andy Rooney’s News Segment

Gabe — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 13:30:06 +0000

Many Americans have their own story about discovering the brilliance of Andy Rooney. Mine came a few years ago when he did an essay about how there were three can openers in his kitchen and I think the end of the CUTTING and INCISIVE essay said something like “what are we gonna do with all these can openers?” Powerful stuff. (It is true that making fun of Andy Rooney being old is like making fun of fish in a barrel, but look at those ridiculous old fish!) Hard to believe he is going to be leaving us. End of an era, guys. Not our era. But an era. Called the 1800s. From the Hollywood Reporter:

After more than 1000 broadcasts, Andy Rooney will make his last regular appearance on this Sunday’s 60 Minutes. Rooney has been a fixture on the newsmagazine since 1978. And he’ll make the announcement himself in a quintessential show-wrapping segment. It will be preceded by a career retrospective interview with correspondent Morley Safer.

“There’s nobody like Andy and there never will be,” said Jeff Fager, CBS News chairman and 60 executive producer. “He’ll hate hearing this, but he’s an American original. His contributions to 60 Minutes are immeasurable; he’s also a great friend.”

Rooney is not likely to be replaced. And Fager said that he is always welcome on the broadcast.

Oh man, can you imagine how amazing it would be if they DID try and replace him? “We need an impossibly old grouch who goes off on hard-to-follow tangents about things like overcoats and spam email, but now that we have the opportunity, let’s update it for today’s youth by getting someone who is only in their 70s.” Also, why would he hate to hear that he’s an American original? Oh right, because he hates everything. LOVE YOU, ANDY ROONEY! In honor of Andy Rooney’s upcoming retirement, here are a few installments of the classic “Andy Rooney Game,” created by Joe Mande and Noah Garfinkel, in which the first and last sentences of Andy’s monologue are saved, and the rest of the monologue is edited out:

Andy Rooney Continues To Be Old

Gabe — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 21:15:47 +0000

c:\users\vgum\my_documents\LOLk.jpgUPDATE: Possibly (probably) fake. Still hilarious.

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Andy Rooney Is A Big Old Fatso

Gabe — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 19:15:05 +0000

Obesity is a very serious health crisis that’s threatening major repercussions for the American economy and health system. It’s endemic and seemingly intractable due to the fact that over-consumption is pretty directly tied into the “American Dream,” which is what it is all supposed to be about. For more on this important issue, please Google “actual news and information on obesity in America based on facts and science.” For more on some old man who is about to turn what could be an important and valuable message to the American people into a self-indulgent commentary on his love for ice cream, please keep reading this post. ANDY ROONEY, YOU GUYS! America’s oldest man! In this week’s essay, or thought piece, or whatever you want to call it, on 60 Minutes, he declared that in response to a recent report that 75% of Americans will be obese by the year 2020, he is going to go on a diet. Sure! There is absolutely nothing wrong with a public figure taking personal steps towards leading a healthier lifestyle with the goal of providing a role model to viewers. Except that dude is fucking 3,000,000 years old, will probably die from this experiment, is not a role model to anyone, and spends the whole time talking about how big his socks are or something.

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Andy Rooney Is So Old

Gabe — Mon, 10 May 2010 14:36:53 +0000

Goodbye, Betty White. Hello, Andy Rooney! In this week’s episode of 60 Minutes, Andy reminded us, as if we needed reminding, that he is so, SO old, with an essay about how he doesn’t know who Lady Gaga is:

Oh, Andy Rooney. The thing that separates you from the “average” American isn’t not knowing who Justin Bieber is, it’s being 340 years old! Turns out that is not the average age! I also love how he tries to take us all down Thoughtful Lane with his expose on how people of all ages love ice cream, and how that is why people of all ages should like the same music (ragtime), but then goes on to say that he considers himself to be someone who doesn’t like music? WAY TO BURY THE LEDE, ANDY ROONEY. If you’re going to talk about how you don’t know who or what anything is, maybe START with the fact that you don’t care about it. THEN get into how you are the oldest living creature on the planet (in your face, giant sea turtles!). (Via GotchaMedia.)

Have A Great Summer And Stay Sweet, You Guys!

Lindsay Robertson — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:40:25 +0000

Dear You Guys,

So for the past 15 months I’ve gotten to help plan and launch a totally unique new website, working with a team made up entirely of people who were already my friends on an idea so crazy it just did work. I got to write about almost anything I wanted and share editorship of the site with a writer who makes me laugh out loud every day. And it was my full time job. Not a bad deal!

Now it’s time to move on to write for other sites, including my six year old blog lindsayism.com, where they always have to take me back because they is just me. But I have a few people to thank first!

Andy Rooney Accidentally Plagiarizes 1981 SNL Parody Of Himself

Lindsay Robertson — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 13:34:44 +0000

Andy Rooney’s always-entertaining commentary on last night’s 60 Minutes was about shoes. Why don’t they design better ones, why don’t they fit, why does everyone have so many, and then a weird nostalgic story at the end just to make sure it didn’t make too much sense. Anyway, I’m not suggesting that this is the first or even fourth time Andy Rooney has used his complaining column to talk about shoes, but a google search just now turned up an interesting SNL transcript.

Andy Rooney And The “Big Awkward Boy”

Lindsay Robertson — Mon, 11 May 2009 09:29:20 +0000

Andy Rooney’s monologue last night started out innocently enough: it’s graduation season, which is a great time of year, Andy himself didn’t graduate because he was fighting in WWII, but he once sat for several hours at a college graduation, watching over 500 kids get their diplomas…and then that’s where the underminer part of ole’ Andy kicked in. Andy finds himself wondering “who would be successful and who wouldn’t be. Who would get a good job, who would be happily married, and who wouldn’t be.” And then he introduces us to the Big Awkward Boy.

Andy Rooney Did That Thing Again

Lindsay Robertson — Mon, 04 May 2009 12:04:56 +0000

Sigh. We all love Andy Rooney, but these “Must fill two minutes with random sentences tenuously connected by a common word” columns are ridiculous. This one isn’t quite as bizarre as 3/01/09, but close:

“Because I’ve been counting I know that today is President Obama’s 104th day in office.” Doesn’t Andy Rooney watch the news? Counting since when, Wednesday? There was one bright spot in this whole thing: the “Secretary Of Savings” idea, which was reminiscent of the day Andy made a little sense last month, but then it gets all absurd again. And the last line sounds like a plea to keep his job, which is scary: even though he’s not making a ton of sense anymore, we need Andy on Sunday nights. He can just sit quietly and rearrange the small things on his desk if he wants.