STOMP ON THEIR HANDS! Before I get too far ahead of myself: we didn’t do a “How Was Everyone’s Day Today?” post yesterday because I forgot. Uh-oh. I guess you’re going to have to sue me about it? Send it to Heaven c/o MY GRAVE. (Send the sue to Heaven?) Anyway, there is no rule that says we can’t just do one right now during the daytime, so let’s do it. How is your day going? Are you having a nice lunch? Did you get pranked by a Walking Dead advertisement on the street, while you were just trying to get to work or run an errand, that was meant to make you look foolish as if it were anything other than completely appropriate to be scared about a bunch of bloody hands grabbing at your legs from the fucking sewer? Ugh. CALL THE POLICE! Even after I understood that this was an advertisement prank, I’d like to think that in this situation I would still immediately call the police. “Police? A television station is terrorizing and physically violating residents of New York City in order to advertise a mega shitty, ultra stupid zombie show that literally everyone already knows about and hates. You need to come here right now and arrest them or I’m going to do it myself. OVER AND OUT.” F this prank. How is your day going, though? Good? (Via Gothamist.)

[Originally posted on June 22nd, 2010.]

It’s difficult to fully capture the scale of this shit show. And I don’t mean to be a wet blanket, or to harp on a broken record about a dead horse, but Comic-Con IS a shit show. We showed up this morning at what we considered to be a perfectly reasonable time, and it turned out that it was not reasonable at all. A reasonable time to wait in line for six hours to watch 10 minutes of a movie that is going to come out in 8 months is 6AM. You can see Harry Knowles wheel himself into Hall H against the backdrop of the rising sun. Of course, Harry Knowles has the last laugh, because he was sitting FRONT AND CENTER for the preview of Megamind. He probably no longer even sees this Matrix: just a bright string of green numbers. “There is no line.” That’s what he says. Of course, being front and center for the preview of Megamind is really just a pretext for seeing the preview of Tron, a sequel to a movie that, let’s be honest, wasn’t that good to begin with. You see, the way the festival works is that once people are inside Hall H (which is where all of the major panels are held), they don’t ever have to leave, and they usually don’t. They pee into Stadium Pals and bring sandwiches their moms packed them. And so, when you do get in line, you will be led across the street from the convention center to a beautiful but very far-away quay along the bay and you will be left there to die. Eventually, this line will loop back around to the street and you will cross the street again, onto the right side of things, and now you are in a cattle corral, at which point you sit down. Everyone sits. You sit and you wait.

A BRIEF SIDENOTE: There is no WiFi service at Comi-Con, and very spotty cell phone service. Bear in mind for whom this conference is intended. In 2010, having no Wifi and spotty cell phone service already seems like the plot to Before Night Falls, but at a convention for nerds and blogs? WHOOPS, THAT IS YOUR CONVENTION’S COMMUNICATIONS CAPABILITIES, NERDS AND BLOGS. Anyway, back to the line:

[Originally posted on June 22nd, 2013.]

As the Warner Bros/Legendary panel at Comic-Con came to a closZZZzzzzZzzzzzzzZZZzzzz. Ah, whoops! Ugh, how unprofessional, I’m sorry. It’s just that all of this Comic-Con news has been so excitZzzzzzzZZzzzzzzzzzzz. I just keep fallinzzZZzzzzzzz. Ahh! I just keep falling asleezZZZzzzzzzzz. Ugh, before that happens again let me try to get out the fact that Zack Snyder made a big announcement at the end of the Warner Bros/Legendary panel about the next Superman movie. Or should I say, the next SUPERMAN/BATMAN MOVIE! From Entertainment Weekly:

At that point, he called Harry Lennix — who you’ll recall basically played the Nick Fury character in Man of Steel — for a charismatic dramatic reading. (How charismatic? Lennix was wearing an ascot.) He read a key line from Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns [Ed Note: Spoilers I think, unless you already know, in which case nevermind.]:

“I want you to remember, Clark. In all the years to come. In all your most private moments. I want you to remember my hand at your throat. I want you to remember the one man who beat you.”

That line is, of course, spoken by Batman — and that “Clark” he’s referencing is, of course, Superman. (The quote comes after a lengthy battle between the two heroes.) As Lennix finished speaking, a giant Superman logo appeared on the Hall H screen … and it was superimposed on the Batman logo. So there you go: There is another Superman movie coming, and it will co-star Batman.

Ah! But I’m not ready for a Batman who doesn’t do the Christian Bale voice! As they say, though, Bat waits for no Man. To make that point even clearer we have for you today an ENTIRELY EXCLUSIVE look at Zack Snyder’s Batman/Superman movie screenplay! And you don’t even have to go to Comic-Con for it, thank god!

[Originally posted on May 4th, 2010.]

Nate and Serena would love to keep making out in Chuck’s kitchen, but Serena is going to be late for breakfast at her mom’s and Rufus’s apartment. Wait a second, are Nate and Serena BOTH living with Chuck now? While Dan and Vanessa are both living in the Brooklyn loft. Sure. I like that Dan couldn’t afford to pay his tuition at Yale, but he can afford to pay to live in the dorms at NYU and not bother living there because he will just go live in the empty gigantic Dumbo loft. FUCK THIS SHOW IN THE FACE UNTIL IT DIES. Oh, but I am getting ahead of myself. We haven’t even gotten to the drama yet! I’m just mad about the ECONOMICALLY IRRESPONSIBLE HOUSING ARRANGEMENTS.

Everyone is so happy to be at brunch. “Look at all this food, it’s obscene,” Lily says. Shut up, Lily. You’re obscene. I mean, you are right. It is obscene. But you are also obscene. Oh look, William is here. “What are you doing here?” Rufus asks. “I invited him,” Serena says ANGRILY. And here we have the first of many instances on this week’s show in which a child acts wildly inappropriately towards an adult/parent and absolutely no one does or says anything. Great. NOW LET’S EAT SOME OF THAT DELICIOUS BRUNCH!

It’s a tired old human thing (me, I am) to feel somewhat confused after something big happens in your life, and everyone else continues to carry on with their own lives as if you were never their number one priority. Someone close to you dies and you walk outside and see a neighbor washing her car, as if she was living in a world in which that person were still alive. You and your boyfriend break up and you call him a few hours later and he’s at a pizza restaurant. You break your toe and literally no one cares or wants to hear about it or wants to look at it, or even just the picture you took of it. It’s always kind of jarring, and never feels particularly good, but maybe we should be taking more comfort in these moments than we’re first inclined to. Matt Damon appeared on Letterman last night and told a story about one of prankmaster George Clooney’s classic pranks — this one involving Tina Fey and Amy Poehler — giving the impression that George Clooney will continue tirelessly pranking other grown adult A-list celebrities, even if we, also adults, are not here to tirelessly document it. We could easily feel down about this, taking it as a reminder of the forum we’re losing. Or we could look at it as evidence of the resilience of the human spirit. Certainly the woman washing her car has had someone die in her past, and here she is, washing her car. Certainly that boyfriend is devastated that he lost the best thing he will ever have in his entire life, and yet here he is, eating pizza. Certainly all of your friends will break their toes someday, and see if you care about it. Certainly a blog that George Clooney liked ended after many wonderful years, and still with the pranks, this guy! (Right? All of this text was worth it? I’m VERY tired.) As they say, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because George Clooney will for sure continue to pull time and money-wasting pranks on other celebrities, which they will then recount on talk shows, almost certainly until his own death and probably with increasing frequency as he ages.” Amen.

[Originally posted on November 15th, 2010.]

American Beauty won the 1999 Academy Award for Best Picture. Whoops! This is a pretentious, misguided, ham-fisted film. But the Academy’s decision actually makes more sense if you look at what the film was up against. The other nominees that year were The Cider House Rules, The Green Mile, The Insider, and The Sixth Sense. Really? An M. Night Shyamalan movie And The Green Mile both nominated for Best Picture in the same year?! WHOOPS REDUX! As much as it pains me to say something like this–because talk about pretentious, misguided, and ham-fisted–but American Beauty is the very definition of a “pre-9/11 movie,” if there is such a thing. It depicts and is of a world that no longer exists. A world in which The Green Mile and The Sixth Sense could be competing for Best Picture at the Academy Awards. A world in which it seems to be agreed that the emotional struggles of teenagers are as valid as the emotional struggles of adults (they’re not, sorry teenagers). It depicts that world poorly, and its depiction has not aged well, but if there is one thing we can take away from this portrait it is that for as horrible as 9/11 was, maybe we’re better off now, because yuck.

[Originally posted on August 14th, 2013.]

HHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From the NY Post:

A prowler broke into the Greenwich Village apartment of famed “Wolverine” actress Famke Janssen and left a creepy calling card — the children’s book, “The Lonely Doll,” the Dutch stunner told cops.

Janssen came home to her King Street penthouse at about 8:10 p.m. on Saturday and found the children’s book conspicuously left in her bedroom, she’s said. “She walked into her bedroom and noticed a children’s book standing on the shelf beside her bed,” a law enforcement source said.

The model, actress and writer called police, but detectives couldn’t find any signs of forced entry and nothing appears to have been stolen, law enforcement sources said.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! No signs of forced entry? Famke! Did you leave your door open? IN A POST-THE BLING RING WORLD? If not then I think we have a pretty clear ghost situation on our hands. (Though, it can be said that every ghost situation is a pretty “clear” ghost situation, if you know what I mean! Hahaha.) (Ghosts are clear!) After the jump, we EXCLUSIVELY have the transcript of Famke’s call with the police. Maybe that will give us a little more insight into the situation!

The Petting Zoo began, two years ago or however long it’s been, because Gabe told me I was posting too many animal videos and that I was to be further limited to one animal video post per week. Hahaha. That old dead grump, I miss him and his fair and pretty much correct assessments of how many animal videos one blog needs! So then I thought, “How can I fit the number of animal videos I actually want to post per week into the one post to which I am limited?” And then I thought, “Oh, a list.” It’s fascinating how minds work. And, hey, it’s almost kind of lucky for you that this is Videogum’s last week, because otherwise you would have never gotten to know that exciting little piece of blog history! There is always a silver lining(s cosplaybook), you just have to find it. Anyway, lots of animals met snow for the first time recently, INCLUDING A POLAR BEAR CUB, so let’s go watch them do that! And also other things! Come on! COME ON, WE NEED IT AND DESERVE IT!