Get a rope.

Hi, thanks. I used to be fairly active here and then I had a baby, which really cut into my Videogum time. (Pro-tip for monsters considering starting a family.) He’s 18 months old now, certainly old enough to get his own juice or whatever while I do half-assed photoshop projects.

I am so glad to see that Gabe is riding the Yahoo wagon train. It is an endless source of enjoyment! When I send in tips, I always send the Yahoo version of the article, even if it is available from legit news sources. (Sorry, Yahoo.) Semi-recently, Yahoo opened up commenting on all of its news articles, and it is HILARIOUS. You get the usual stable of right-wing nutjob Obama conspiracy theorists and Birthers (even on articles that have nothing to do with government or politics), along with yOutUBe tEEnz, quasi-literate gun enthusiasts and so many more! It’s occasionally really depressing, when you consider that these are, like, The People Having Their Say, but I use it as a palate cleanser before I come back here.

Example: The following comment was made in response to an article about Philly banning flash mobs.

“This clearly shows how stupid kids are today. This must stop! If it spreads across the country gangs will join in, people will die its just a bad deal all the way around.
If the kids want to have a flash gathering make it at a football field any place away from businesses. And have the cops show up to maintain order. Kids these days have no respect for others nor their property. It up to parents and the law to drive this into their thick skulls; actions have consequences. You play you pay.”

And it had 135 upvotes. Professor Teen Life was killing it. For real, guys, Yahoo News is a Best Buy for your LOLk portfolio. Check it out.

Is this a game now? How much smack do we have to talk about Scott Baio before we show up on his publicist’s radar and wind up on his shit list? I like it! I think we can win this game!

(And by “win,” I mean that we can be called reprehensible names by a grown man and his rented wife, after which they will make threats of legal recourse that serve to highlight their tenuous grasp on the function of the American justice system. Awesome!)

Also, Scott Baio eats orphans for breakfast, so that his taxes don’t have to feed and clothe them. Socialism.

It has always been my #1 fantasy to get an acting gig playing one of the exasperated assholes at the beginning of an infomercial. Well, maybe not my #1 fantasy, but it’s Top 10, at least. It’s on the list of things I would like to do if the opportunity was dropped in my lap through no effort of my own, is what I’m saying.

The IRS sold out to the Federal Preserves? For realz? Did they get paid in apricot or peach?

Also, I’ve been trying to tell my boyfriend that if he only makes $6000 a year, and he has a kid, he has no business spending his money on Playstation games. He ain’t tryin’ to hear me, though. What can I say, I love him.

Are you a pre-school teacher or a novitiate or something?

It’s a Blindness reunion! Will it have a terrorscape gang rape scene?