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 +57Posted on Oct 27th, 2011 | re: Ken Jennings Is The 99%? (80 comments)

Please comment in the form of a question.

 +2Posted on Jun 2nd, 2011 | re: The Videogum 6-Month Performance Review (468 comments)

We need to talk about how I live in Pittsburgh but you killed your twitter account.

 +17Posted on Jun 2nd, 2011 | re: The Videogum 6-Month Performance Review (468 comments)

It’s not you, it’s me.

 +82Posted on Mar 21st, 2011 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Garden State (275 comments)

When this movie came out, I fit Gabe’s demographic to a T and I loved this movie. Then I grew up.

Now I look back at my fondness for this movie with only shame and regret. Lovers of (500) Days of Summer will feel the same way when they re-watch it in 5 or 10 years.

 +10Posted on Oct 1st, 2010 | re: The Porno Switcheroo Archives: Breakfast Cereal Sex Line (81 comments)

Dear huckabeast,

Please stop killing it (never stop killing it).

 +6Posted on Oct 1st, 2010 | re: The Porno Switcheroo Archives: Breakfast Cereal Sex Line (81 comments)

Crispricks

 +10Posted on Oct 1st, 2010 | re: The Porno Switcheroo Archives: Breakfast Cereal Sex Line (81 comments)

Cocky Crisp

 +12Posted on Oct 1st, 2010 | re: The Porno Switcheroo Archives: Breakfast Cereal Sex Line (81 comments)

Müeslsex

 +5Posted on Oct 1st, 2010 | re: The Porno Switcheroo Archives: Breakfast Cereal Sex Line (81 comments)

Keep those Fruity Pebbles away from me.

 +2Posted on Oct 1st, 2010 | re: United States Congress Passes Historic Legislation! (40 comments)

I can only imagine the INSANE phone calls retirees bombarded Congressional offices with….

“Good morning, Congressman/Senator _____’s office.”

“STOP THESE GOD DAMNED COMMERCIALS FROM BEING SO LOUD!”

“I’m sorry sir, I can’t understand you, could you speak a little softer please?”

“I AM NOT A MAN, I AM AN 85 YEAR OLD WOMAN. I’VE RAISED 6 CHILDREN SUPPORTED WHILE THAT BASTARD DRANK AND GAMBLED ALL OUR MONEY AWAY!”

*muffled shouts from background*

“SHUT UP FRANK, YOU SON OF A BITCH! I’LL SWEAR I’LL SMOTHER YOU WITH THAT PILLOW.”

“I am SO sorry ma’am. I’m happy to hear you have such a lovely family but I really need to ask you to lower your volume.”

“DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOU WORK FOR ME!!! MY TAXES PAY YOUR SALARY SO YOU LISTEN TO ME! i WAS READIN’ ON THAT INTERNET ABOUT WHAT YOU WASHINGTON HOT SHOTS ARE UP TO AND I DON’T LIKE IT! SO YOU FIX THESE DAMNED COMMERCIALS OR YOU’LL BE LOOKIN’ FER A JOB IN NOVEMBER!!!!”

*click*

“You have a pleasant day too, you old bitch.”

*goes back to reading Videogum*

#FormerHillEmployeeGum

 +8Posted on Sep 29th, 2010 | re: How Is Danny McBride's Sex Advice The Best Thing? (32 comments)

If you’ll excuse me while I put on my bitter, vindictive hat…

okay

I’m glad these “retards” are going to get voted in. It is with a heavy heart that I will be moving out of DC this week (tomorrow through Sunday) and it gives me a modicum of joy to know I won’t be around while this transition takes place. I’m not talking about politically, I’m talking about having to ride the train with the hoards of pleated khaki and blue blazered assholes conspicuously carrying a worn copy of Atlas Shrugged and all the ill-mannered, self-important pricks that will be coming to DC in these congressional staffs, non-governmental conservative groups, and Rand Paul’s political appointments (if we actually make it to 2013).

I may not be staring a new and better life right now but at least I know everyone in DC will be miserable. Have fun at dinner, Washington, D.C.!

“North Carolina! C’mon and raise up
Take your shirt off, twist it ’round yo head
Spin it like a helicopter.”

 +9Posted on Sep 27th, 2010 | re: Saturday Night Live: Amy Poehler And Katy Perry (103 comments)

My friend texted me during the show: “Name someone with a higher hotness to actual talent ratio.”

Any nominations?

 +32Posted on Sep 24th, 2010 | re: The First Autumn Jam Of 2010: Lil P-Nut's "You Might Be The One" (46 comments)

His dad is just beaming with pride:

 +20Posted on Sep 23rd, 2010 | re: Well, Undercovers Is Fucking Terrible (49 comments)

When you watch Undercovers, your body makes a promise whether you do or not. ( Vanilla Sky jokes!)

 +33Posted on Sep 23rd, 2010 | re: Sad Keanu Eats A Cupcake (102 comments)

Sad Keanu shows appreciation for all of werttrew’s hard work and dedication.

 +5Posted on Sep 23rd, 2010 | re: Sad Keanu Eats A Cupcake (102 comments)

Sad Keanu speaks with your Christian God.

 0Posted on Sep 23rd, 2010 | re: Sad Keanu Eats A Cupcake (102 comments)

Sad Keanu visits the Vietnam War. (Too soon? Too bad.)

 +26Posted on Sep 22nd, 2010 | re: Running Wilde Is A New TV Show (48 comments)

I pretty much agree with every word you’ve written here. Except maybe “cog” in the next to last full paragraph. That’s bullshit, Gabe.

 +21Posted on Sep 21st, 2010 | re: Lady Gaga's "Powerful" Don't Ask-Don't Tell Speech (96 comments)

I won’t ask but DO tell.

 +7Posted on Sep 20th, 2010 | re: The Hunt For The Worst Movie: Next Round Announcements (204 comments)

Forget The Hunt, I want to hear Steve Winwood’s review of that first Bing! link. “Pretty” or “NOOOOOOOO!”?

“I think Katy Perry is a very talented and thoughtful young lady.” – You

Needz more Russel Brand LOLz!!

 +14Posted on Sep 20th, 2010 | re: Dad Ruins Justin Bieber Video Just Like Dad Ruins Everything (65 comments)

That dude must buy his khakis at the same store Larry David does b/c there was some unfortunate bunching going on there.