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tuna on the roof
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Aw man, I’m such a joke Hamburglar.
Jack’s In the Box
1. This exact thing happened at my high school like five years ago.
2. I got to the University of Wisconsin-Madison now.
3. I promise I’m not doing this, guys.
“I am going to krump for you, a little off rhythm perhaps, but I will krump. I will krump while you croak, I will krump over your dirty corpse…” -Henry Miller, Tropic of Krumper
Let’s start a fundraiser and donate the money to Branson so he can rebuild his house! Come on, everybody, teamwork! Where’s Ty Pennington?
OR
It’s time for you to rest your case, Tom Sproat.
-everyone ever: AGREED!!
I had mild food poisoning this weekend and I’d say I still had a more successful weekend than Kim Kardashian.
I feel really bad for the girl that she got rejected on a nationally televised commercial. He didn’t even offer her a seat on his couch even though there’s clearly room if they all squished together.
So far there have been lots of baby references today, Gabe. Trying to tell us something? Like IS IT BABY DAY TODAY?
Too soon 
A vagina cupcake?
Yo Gabe-a Gabe-a
In regards to her face between 4:16 and 4:22, is she having a stroke?
Someone spoil the plot for me because I really don’t want to force myself to watch this whole thing: Does she ever move that chunk of hair out of her face?
That’s all I wanna know.
How can Heidi have the time for this AND her 14-hour workout? Impressive! Also impressive that she doesn’t just melt when she steps into a kitchen (you know, plastic surgery, plastic, plastic melts when heated).
“~*Live*~*Laugh*~*Love*~” -Marilyn Monroe
“But yoooooou just met somebody newwwwww”. This is a Robyn reference, right?
WOOF
I imagine each popsicle stick has a Hasselhoff-related compliment printed on it instead of a lame joke. “Your slow-motion bouncing pecks look GREAT today” “You’ll beat your addiction! Unless your addiction is licking miniature replicas of my body, in which case, go hog wild, pal!”
I demand to see her long-form birth certificate!
My Personal Pan stripper had a staple in it.
My gynecologist told me that if my pxssy ever be yankin’ that I should pick up a Monistat treatment pack from the pharmacy, so I commend Lady on her ode to women’s health.
Ugh, TMZ keeps crashing on me. Just wanna know more about Steven Tyler’s wiener, you guys . And I’m running out of chocolate chip cookies to eat for breakfast. And what is the radius of a nuclide with mass number 187? #firstworldproblems #girlproblems #physicspracticefinalproblems
Guys! Nick Offerman came to my campus yesterday for his American Ham show and it was so excellent! He did this Snake Juice dance for a lil bit at the end and now it’s safe to say my life is fully complete.