This is much more effective than that time I tried to use a perch as a seat.
All the homoerotic energy now centers around a sand volleyball court.
Ed Hardy called my plain white tee-shirt the “ugliest fucking thing I have ever seen.”
It’s like Peter Cetera says, she’s a hard habit to break.
Scary indeed. The internet is just teeming with liars, it seems.
For the record you guys, that picture that *kinda* looks like someone hastily used Microsoft Paint to stick Angelina Jolie’s lips on Scarlett Johansen’s face and then cropped that on top of Meghan Fox’s really is me!
“Hey Gabriel, it’s been a couple of millenia, maybe you could learn a new song? You know, something more modern, like a Bach flute sonata or a selection from that new Lou Reed / Metallica album that is the rage with the kids these days.” – Andy Rooney in heaven
But, is it rap rap?
I said to Hollywood, “Where’d he go?” Hollywood says, “Where’d WHO go?” Which is really fair enough given that Hollywood’s eyesight will not be fully developed for another 12 to 16 weeks.
Herman Cain?! Damn, I was hoping this was a new Dr. Pepper 10 commercial.
“I thought you said ‘Rock Out With Your Cock Atop!’ Sorry. No no, that does make more sense, you are right.” – that tortoise
CRAP! The spec script I am writing for Human Centipede 3 is predicated on the idea of “beginning with Nas and ending with Dick Cavett”. Back to the drawing board!
Pitchfork gave Pizza Party a 9.2 and declared it Best New Music. They wrote: Pizza Party, with its homages to the violent guitar riffs of Jem and the Holograms, the dubstep beats of Jesse and the Rippers, and the unapologetic bombast of Sexual Chocolate — exits the void of what we *expect* from Italian food and instead delivers a gaseous, carb-laden, meat pile that any of us would be proud to call home.
I’d like to chat about Jesus, too. I payed him 20 dollars, like I do every week, but this week the lawn looks MAYBE 1/2 mowed and there are weeds all around my prize-winning hydrangeas.
“I’m a slutty cat who *looks* like Ron Swanson! WHY DOES NO ONE GET THAT??” – me on Halloween 2011
I’m pretty sure that’s the “you are NOT the father” dance – so maybe Maury Povich threw out the first pitch?
Maybe I’m being old fashion, but I prefer to think of him as Ha’Dollar.
Maybe his movie will explain the intricate differences between snorkeling and scuba diving.
My favorite Homer Simpsonism ever: Who made you Judge Judy and executioner?
The story of the tower of Babel. Except instead of all the world’s different languages it’s just me speaking English to someone else who also speaks English but who understands the appeal of Willow and / or Jaden Smith.
In butterfly Sunday schools they reference *this* tattoo as the place you go when you die if you masterbate even once – ever.
Sorry gang, as of this morning Keeping Up with the Qaddafians has been cancelled.
SINGLE GENTS: I couldn’t even remember whether it was Sex IN the City or Sex AND the City. I am now accepting boyfriend applicantions – please take a number and form an orderly line starting over there.
I am suing the production company of The Town because it was less like Sex in the City than I believed it would be based on the name.
And with that, “ability to act” gets bumped down *another* level in Hollywood’s hierarchy of casting decision-drivers. “Age” takes a nice leap overall but still trails “bankability”, “attractiveness”, “couch skills” (wink!), and “doesn’t throw up when Kevin James kisses her in that one scene” as the leading factors in getting the role of a lifetime.
I think McDonald’s is just trying to cash in on the wildly popular Human Trainwreck show that is already streaming live 24 /7 in all of its restaraunts.